Promo Archive thread

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

D-Lo Brown and Jerry Lawler


JR: What's this King? D-Lo isn't down on my schedule as being next up.
JL: That's because D-Lo isn't ON your schedule JR.
JR: That being said, I do wonder what D-Lo is doing here.

D-Lo struts down to ringside and goes over to the timekeeper from which he grabs a microphone and makes his way into the ring.

Last week here on Raw a crime took place. All of the fans in San Jose last week were cheated out of the chance to see me, D-Lo Brown on their show. And more importantly I lost my place on the card; I lost my chance at making money for the night; and none of those people gave a damn.

You people out here right now are booing me. Why would you boo an athlete of my calibre? I'm a former Intercontinental, Tag Team and European champion! I've achived more than most of the guys in the back, and yet you people still don't cheer for me.

I wondered for ages why this is the case. Is it my new attitude? The attitude that I don't wanna get walked over all the time. Is it because I attacked Leonardo Spanky? He's one of your favourites afterall.

And then it hit me. After my interview last week with Joey Styles... this happened..

We see a flashback to see:

JL: Poor D-Lo Brown. The guy hasn't been relevant in a decade and yet he still keeps trying. Gotta give him that! Haha!

JR: With D-Lo's recent attitude change I gotta say I have no sympathy for him.

Of course... who in WCWWE has the biggest impact upon how we are perceived by the public - Jerry "The King" Lawler, and Good Ol' JR!

D-Lo exits the ring and walks over towards King and JR.

I have a question for you two old men. You two have been commentating on Raw for as long as I can remember, with the odd substitution. You guys over the years have been the make or break of stars. If you bury someone, the crowd don't buy into 'em. So my question is: why are you burying me?

Lawler and JR look at each other surprised.

Sorry I can't quite hear ya there. Speak up a little bit?

Lawler grabs a microphone.

Look here D-Lo. Me and JR, last week we were just having a bit of harmless fun. I mean Joey Styles laughed at ya, I laughed at ya, and JR found it funny too. We had no intentions of burying you.

So, I was the butt of a JOKE? You think that's gonna help me out? Look at the Gobbledy Gooker - he was used as comedy fodder, and what did he ever achieve? The difference is, Gobbledy Gooker set himself up for the jokes. I didn't. I bust my ass every night to try to get by, to try to win belts, to try to achieve something.

Can't you see how last week might have been a little..

A little humorous? No I can't. You and JR pissed all over my career and I'm supposed to laugh along? What if I were to bring up some items from your past - how about we bring up your son's problems? How about we bring up your past relationships? How about that? Would that be funny King? Would it?

Look here D-Lo. Just... just calm down.

D-Lo puts his finger in Lawler's face, pointing.

Don't you DARE tell me to calm down!

D-Lo, don't point your finger at me.

Why? What are YOU going to do old man? You gonna hit me?

D-Lo pushes Lawler. Lawler goes to punch D-Lo but changes his mind and goes to sit down again.

D-Lo then attacks him from behind knocking him up against the barricade. King comes back swinging with a series of big right hands and then throws D-Lo into the steel steps as security charge down to separate the two men as we go to commercial.

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Good evening. For those who did not see ECW last week, General Manager Mae Young suffered a heart attack as the show went off the air…

The Board of Directors has named a new, interim General Manager. He will be announced at the end of the night.



Last week....Mae Young had a heart attack.
You guys can not believe how sorry I am. I didn't want this to happen. I was angry at Mae Young, I didn't even hurt her and she just fell down on the ground and I thought she was just acting.

I feel so horrible, I couldn't sleep at night. I was just thinking about Mae and how much of an evil person I am. I do not know how to live with myself, I can not even look in the mirror anymore.

So I am officially retiring as a wrestler in WCWWE. I don’t care anymore. Sorry for everything I did to you people and I know you still hate me and I don’t expect anything else, but I just want to say.

Thank you.


*Later*


Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the CEO of WCWWE, Linda McMahon!

Josh: I wonder who the Boards of Directors has selected?

As I said in the beginning of the show, the Board of Directors has come to a unanimously decision. You make not like this decision but you are sooner or later going to realize that this person is the best person for this Job.

Ladies and Gentleman, your new ECW General Manager…



REY MYSTERIO!


Todd: WHAT?!


Oh my god, I GOTCHA AGAIN!
HAHAHA
I can't believe how stupid you people are.
I seriously did not plan to hurt Mae Young, but right after she got in her tiny little emergency car, I thought of the possibilitys and now?
I am your General Manager of ECW and there are two things you can do:

a) Live with it
b) Like it

Things will change around here...I guarantee it.

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Tyler Reks,Tony Atlas and Abraham Washington
Tony: Tony Atlas heyah, and I’m standin’ by wit Abraham Washington. Abe, welcome t’ECW!

Abe: Well, I’m happy to be here Tony, and I’m thrilled to be receiving this opportunity.

Tony: It ain’t no trouble, Abe. Good luck!

Abe: Ladies and gentlemen, I am Abraham Washington, the newest member of the ECW crew. I would like to thank Rey Mysterio for this chance, and Tony Atlas for showing me the ropes. Now, allow me to bring in my guest, Tyler Reks!

*Reks walks in, dressed in full Doink uniform*

Abe: Um, so. Tyler. How’s things?

*Tyler grabs the microphone and shoves Washington out of the way*

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Jeff Hardy, tonight is the night! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!! Tonight, the clown is back! And he’s gone….



EXTREME!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

*Doink pulls out a rubber chicken that‘s been wrapped in barbed wire, and exits, as Washington just stares*

Abe: Back to you at ringside.

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Lance Hoyt and The TnT Bunnies
*Cut to backstage, where the TnT Bunnies are talking*

OMGZ Tersa did u see dat supah hunk H-

SHUT THE HELL UP TIFF! I have no time to think about men. All the new guys are somewhat hot, and I mean... well... it's been awhile but really, KATIE LEA MANCHILL IS THE WOMAN'S CHAMPION

OMGZ OMGZ TERSA HERE HE CUMS OMMGGZZZZ

*Hoyt walks in yelling at someone off screen*
YEAH WELL UP YOURS ROBINSON HOYTAMANIA KNOWS THAT'S A DYE JOB AND HE KNOWS CHIODA HAS A WEAVE

HOYTAMANIA DIDN'T WANT YOU TWO FOR PARTNERS ANYWAY

HE'S GOT TWO MORE SKILLED PARTNERS IN HIS PANTS AND THEY BOTH HAVE THERE NATURAL HAIR!!

OMGZ TERSA!!!! SUPAHUNK WANTS A PARTERRRR!!!onnneeeeee

Teresa pauses in thought

Interesting

She looks at Tiff and smiles her most evil smile

We may be able to use that hunk of manmeat for something, and not just sex either. We need backup, we've needed backup ever since Michelle betrayed us and Kelly Kelly... vanished into thin air. But even better this time, can you imagine how our enemies will quake in fear if we have HOYTMANIA on our side?

He probably needs partners against MALE opponents, but I think that it's probably worth the punishment we'll get in the long run.

And furthermore...

HE A SUPAHHUNK!!!

Indeed. Tiffany, when he passes by, I'll pretend to be disinterested, and you just give him the flirty eyes alright

U got it Tersa!

*Hoytamania walks up to the TnT Bunnies*
Hey nice Rack

Teresa feigns disinterest and looks at her fingernails, mumbling something about cuticles.

OMGZ THX SUPAHHUNK HOYTMANIA!!! My daddy paid a lot 4 tem n stuf omgz!!!one

You ever see a Latex Snakeskin baby?

Hoytamania's got a whole pack in his van
You can wash it down with this
*Holds up a Fizzing Drink*
Make sure to drink it down real fast..........And land on the Back of your head The Face is your attribute somthin tells Hoytamania brains aren't


Tiffany just blinks at him confusedly.

Teresa stifles a laugh.

Hoytamania's got this magical thing in the drink called Roofalin
Just drink it down real fast and it'll all become Clear Baby

Teresa pauses, you can see that she's considering just letting Tiff get roofied, but she turns and says

Tiff, do you want to sleep with Hoyt?

OMGZ YES I THOT DAT WAS OBVIS

Good so roofie's won't be necessary

Teresa slinks over and stands next to Tiff, she smiles the evil smile of death and says

So... what was all that ruckus between you and Lil Naich?

She says, attempting and failing to sound sweet.

Hoytamania needs some new partners now that Hoytamania's Ol' Partners mister Total Nonstop Attitude and The Southern Dandy couldn't make it

Hoytamania said that Fireworks were illegal in this Sweden but Noooooo they would'nt listen to Hoytamania
Then we get to the Border and we're stuck in the line and suddenly its Hoytamania havin' ta Stuff M-80's down Dandy's pants
Then Attitude just has to smoke to calm his nerve's
Next thing ya Know Dandy's pants are Exploding and Smoke's coming outta Attitude's Ass
The border guards are screamin whatever that language was Hoytamania's not sure but he's gonna guess Portugese
And suddenly Hoytamania's fleeing in a Rubber Raft full O' Fat chicks and having to f*** his way to freedom while Attitude's F***'ed and Dandy's in a Government jail

Teresa laughs

Considering you F***ked Awesome Kong and bragged about it I honestly don't really see you being that upset about that situation.

So you need partners huh?

Well I was thinking. You... well saying "you like woman would be an egregious understatement. Well here's the thing. The TnT Bunnies are willing to offer you their services

IN MO WAY DAN ONE OMGz yooouuu AREE SOOOO HOOOTTTTT

Teresa shoots Tiff a glare, but then smiles

Yes, in more ways than one.

LET'S CELEBRATE WITH A DRINK
*Hands Teresa the Fizzing Drink*

Teresa glares at Hoyt

Whatever

She takes the drink, and hands it to Tiff.

Do whatever you want with Tiffany. We'll talk later

She walks off.

OMGZ HUNKAHOYT THSI LOK TASTY!!!11one

-------
*Fade to Black Tiff drinks it*[/

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Eve: I am standing here with Randy Orton. Randy you requested a match with Kung Fu Naki. Why?

Eve I didn't want a challenge this week. I wanted the chance to beat the hell out of someone. Kung Fu Naki you better be scared because I will destroy you. Last week I lost to William Regal only because I was distracted by my fight with R-Truth. But now I don't give a damn about Truth. I'm gonna go there and do what I do best. Tonight begins my journey to the WCWWE Championsh-

Hey Randy!

R-Truth smiles at Orton and pats him on the shoulder as Orton just stares a hole through Truth.

Randy you have a point. The journey does begin by trying to overcome the huge odds that come with Kung Fu Naki. He IS a WCWWE veteran, you gotta give him that! It'll be a tough challenge, but someone has to do it I suppose.

Orton smirks sarcastically.

That's funny Ron. Real funny. Atleast I'm gonna win my match tonight. You howevewr will fail to beat Chavo again. As usual R-Truth will come up short. But you're used to that aren't ya. So why don't you leave me alone and let me go out there and make an example out of Funaki, doing what I do best. And then later tonight I'll watch you do what you best. Lose.

Yano that's real funny Randy, because, if I remember correctly, last week you LOST and I know that I WON. And Randy, if you beat Naki, what have you accomplished? You think that's gonna put you in line for a WCWWE title match? So long as I put in a good shift against Chavo I could be in line for a title shot. But Randy, while I will put in a good shift - I'm gonna do even MORE than that, because tonight I have a match with the WCWWE Champion, and I'm gonna overcome Chavo and WIN. First time I faced him I lost... second time I had him beat... and third time's the charm - third time I WILL beat him. And Randy, THAT is WHAT'S UP!

R-Truth walks off smiling.

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

*Mickie James is shown backstage*

So, Brie Bella. Tonight you get your shot at the big time. You get to go one on one with the greatest women's athlete in WCWWE, Mickie James. Brie, there's something you need to understand. Unlike you, I busted my gorgeous ass to get where I am today. You, you loaned yours out to highest bidder.

I can hurt you really bad, and I probably will. Because in this business, it's all about one thing. Respect. And it's something you need to learn, the hard way.

And MVP, you want to challenge any World Champion to a match? Well you made a mistake challenging John. Unlike you, John is a real man. He doesn't need 20 guys to run interference for him. All he needs are his two fists. And me, of course. So Montel, I hope you're ready. Because you're in for the fight of your life.

CM Punk, I'm giving you one week. One week to own up and take responsibility for what you did. Otherwise, I'm going to reveal our little secret to the entire world. And you wouldn't want that, now would you?

And finally, Katie Lea. You may still be the Women's Champion, but only because I have allowed it. The reason I didn't cash in at Breaking Point was because I wanted to show the world that title or no title, I can beat you. I wanted the world to see just how vulnerable you really are. And above all, I wanted to expose you as the fraud your really are. As far as I'm concerned, mission accomplished.

So now, you better have eyes in the back of your head. Because I beat you once, and I can damn sure do it again. Kisses!

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

*Miz and Morrison enter the ring as boos rain down on them*

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Settle down folks, we'll get to your regulary scheduled beating of Mr. Mister in a moment. First we have to correct a grave injustice.

At Breaking Point, we were robbed of our WCWWE tag team titles. And what does our general manager do? Does he overturn the result? Does he grant us our rematch? No. He makes us waste our time facing off against a bunch of losers.

Maybe you don't get how things work around here. We ARE Smackdown. Without us, this show wouldn't exist. People tune in and buy tickets to see US, in the vain attempt that our greatness will rub off on them and improve their pathetic lives.

Fat chance.

Fact is we are A list players. We should be the top stars on the brand Instead we are being held back by a man who's career highlight is being Ric Flair's bitch!

But The Miz and I are nothing if not forgiving. You have one chance, Mr Anderson. Rectify your mistake, give us our rematch and all will be forgiven. Otherwise...there will be consequences.

Because we are John Morrison and The Miz and not only are we AWESOME but we have powerful friends. You have been warned.



*Arn comes out and stops at the top of the ramp*

Well well, seems I finally got your attention. I knew it was only a matter of time before you two started crying about not having those belts anymore.

First, you lost those belts in the middle of the ring. You lose those belts more often than you successfully defend them… so don’t whine to me because you couldn’t get the job done yourself.

Next, rematch? You want an automatic rematch? Did you give the guys you won those belts from a rematch? Karma’s a damn bitch…ain’t it?

Now…you two need to remember this… as good as you are in that ring… I make the matches. If I want you to wrestle Ivan the Wrestling Bear and Little Boogeyman in a punjabi prison match… you may not like it… but you sure as hell are going to do it... So if you want to even get close enough to sniff those tag teams belts again… I’ve got two words of my own for you…. earn it!

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

*Cut to Colt Cabana and Maria backstage*

So, did you enjoy yourself last night?

Ohmigod, Chuck E. Cheese's was SOOOO fun!! I got to whack the mole, and do the skeeball-

Yeah, it was nice of Smackdown to host an after-party there. I didn't know Yang was into salad that much though...

- and I even got a prize! Look!

*Maria holds out a paper airplane*

How many tickets did that cost?

Fifty, but it was worth it! Watch. WHOOSH!!

*Maria throws the airplane, which lands right at Colt's feet*

See?

Well it does fly...

So, what are we gonna do later tonight?

Well, after I beat Billy Regal out there and get myself into title contention, we may be able to rent a movie before Blockbuster closes.

Ooh! Can we see the chipmunks?

Sigh.... sure, why not.

Yay!

*Maria grabs the paper airplane and begins "flying" the plane around the room. Colt just smiles and shakes his head* 

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

MVP is shown in the back:
Tonight I have John Cena one on one
Now for those of you keeping count........Chavo
John is another former World Champion
And after I beat him that would make it my Seventh Former World Champ that I've pinned

Now you see John Cena has Mickie James is in his corner
To me that's a bit of an Unfair Advantage so to speak so I'll take

Braddock,Slater and Jezebel so that should pretty much get rid of the numbers advantage right?
So John you like to Rap right?
Maybe I'll come to you for my victory song after I take that Title Off Chavo

1.Player's Boot
2.Playmaker
3.Drive-By Kick

Those are all it takes to put you down a dog
Ever see Ol' Yeller?
Kid's dog gets Rabies so he has to take him out back and shoot him in the head to end his suffering
Well John your obviously suffering
I mean your going out with Mickie James for gods sake
Thats just asking for Mad Cow Disease

Pretend my Drive-By Kick is a Rifle and this'll all feel better

Onto Chavo once more remember King of the Ring?
That big tournament with everybody fighting to Win?
That was where I beat 4 people to get the shot at the Title I never really lost
That bugs me
That really bugs me
and You know what will help that?
Beating you down and taking it back

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

William Regal
Its been weeks since I lost Her Majesty's Championship, since I let both Queen and country down. The thought that a greasy reprobate like CM Punk is presently holding the belt sickens me. I want that championship back, and I'll go to great lengths to ensure that happens.

Tonight I'm in a 6-man tag match, but Punk is my primary concern. Triple H and R-Truth...I have already beaten both of these gentlemen, so they aren't of any real concern to me, however soon your luck, and it is luck, will run out Punk.

I may have John Cena and the World's Strongest Man in my corner tonight, but my motto is always been to look out for #1, which is myself. I am a premier talent in this company, so much so that I don't feel these fans are worthy to watch me give blood, sweat and tears every week. Punk, one day we will meet one on one again, and the outcome will be different, I assure you. You might even feel...the Power of the Punch.

*Regal pulls brass knuckles from his tights and puts them on his hand*

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

MVP


*MVP and The Cult make there way to the ring once they reach it Kennedy,Braddock and The Remnants all line surround the ring as MVP and Slater Roll in MVP then makes Slater get him a mic*

I requested this match tonight
And do you know why?
Two Weeks ago Teddy Long betrayed me he betrayed the Cult by publicly running down our beliefs and do you what that got him?
I destroyed him and showed the whole world what we do to the those who turn there backs on us

But that whole event made me think
A Man who was with the Cult since the beginning turned on us
Who else could turn on us?
So that's why I requested this Match
I want to test your mettle here Slater show the dedication to the Cult

Sebastian or should I say Heath?
Lie Down
This is how you prove your dedication
Right now me and you one on one
If you win you stay with the Cult and Die with the Cult

If you lose?
Your out

If you try to leave?
Your fellow Cult Members punish you
Because you see I have the power on this show and its mine to spend as I will

SO as of right now this is a Lumber Jack Match

If you leave the ring Your fellow Cult Members will beat you

Ring the bell and lets see your dedication

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Randy Orton
*backstage we see Randy Orton. The camera is only focused on his face.*

Hey Truth. Since you're the one who thinks I'm a loser I hope you're watching tonight when I RKO Chavo Guerrero and I pin his shoulders to the mat 1...2...3.

But if that's not enough for you how about this.

*The camera pans out to reveal Orton has his arm over Jimmy Wang Yang's neck. Orton lets go of Yang then shoves him. Yang lands on his knees and Orton plants him with a vicious punt to the head*

Jimmy Wang Yang doesn't think I'm a loser does he Ron?! After tonight the WCWWE Champion won't think I'm a loser either. and at Summerslam Ron when I'm done with you you won't call me a loser. You won't even be conscious to see me announced "the winner of this match, Randy Orton."

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Mickie James
*Mickie James is being interviewed backstage*
Jezebel, tonight you get exposed. *cheers* You get exposed as a fraud, *boos* just like your sister did last week. Yeah, sure, I "lost" last week. Big deal. I beat the s*** out of Brie Bella, and nobody can say I didn't! And tonight, Jezebel, sweetie? It's your turn.

And CM Punk, last week I gave you an ultimatum. Own up, and take responsibility. For once in your life, take some f***in' responsibility, you selfish piece of s***!

But no. You're too damn stubborn. But you see Punk, I found her. I did! I found her! And next week, she's coming to Smackdown! And the whole world will know the truth! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

Arn Anderson
As many of you know, Summerslam is just around the corner. We have Smackdown’s own MVP challenging ECW’s Chavo Guerrero for the WCWWE Undisputed World Title. But people have been coming up to me and asking… “What other matches are you going to make for the PPV”. We’ll I’ve thought long and hard about it. We have several good matches I could make for the pay per view.

There’s the cult and the resistance that have been at each other for months. I could make a match between those two units… but with the leader of the cult already scheduled to be in the World Title Match, it just doesn’t feel like the right time.

There’s the blood feud between Triple H and Mark Henry. Triple H has been begging me for a match since he found out that Henry has his wife… But Mark inexplicably didn’t show up last week. So I don’t think I can award a match to someone that doesn’t show up to work. As much as I’d like to help Triple H… business is business.

Then there’s the Smackdown Tag Team Titles. You have the champions, the Remnants. You also have the colons, who are now 2-0 vs the Remnants since they won the titles. Then there’s the team of Miz and Morrison… who are working their way back up the ranks of the tag division. But sadly, they haven’t yet paid their dues.

So where does that leave us? I’ll tell you.

CM Punk is the United States Champion(recently redubbed as Her Majesty’s Champion). As I mentioned earlier, champions here are going to be fighting champions, but no one has stepped up yet to challenge. So we’re going to create some challengers.

First, R-Truth and Randy Orton seem to disagree on who should be the next top star on this show. So we’re going to settle it at the PPV. Randy Orton vs. R-Truth for the #1 contender for the US Championship at the next possible date.

Well, you might ask what about the champion himself, CM Punk? Fighting champions don’t just sit around waiting for #1 contenders to become available. So, instead, we’re going to have ourselves a four corners elimination match for the United States/Her Majesty’s Championship.

Obviously, the Champ will be one of the four competitors. But how am I to determine who else gets in. Let me think… hmmm… oh I know… lets have ourselves some qualifying matches. And what better way to create qualifiers than to have them compete in the same match we’ll be having at Summerslam.

So next week, we are going to have three… count them three… separate four corner elimination matches. The winner of each match will join Punk in the match at Summerslam.

Thank you for your time, and enjoy the show!

[TTS thinks this won't end well]

YangBana and Maria
*The camera opens to find Colt Cabana and Maria inside Colt's locker room.*

So then, I put a dollar in this one game, and I won four quarters! I won every time!

That's great...

And when I put in 5 dollars-

*Sadly we never get to know, as Jimmy Wang Yang enters the locker room.*

YEE-HAW COLT! WE GIT ANOTHER SHOT AT THEM VARMITS MIZ AN' MORR-SON!

We're inside. You don't need to yell.

WHO'S YELLING?

*Colt facepalms as Maria looks on curiously.*

Sigh, look Jimmy. I know you're excited about this match, but you have to realize this is a one-time reunion. I'm still trying to get into title contention, and I've made it clear to Truth that I'm done wit The Resistance.

WHO'S TALKIN' BOUT THAT RESISTANCE? I'M TALKIN' BOUT YANGBANA RIDIN' ONCE AGAIN!

Okay. I know we're the only team to beat Miz and Morrison for the Tag Team Titles, and I know you want to recapture that magic. But I'm serious. I'm going after Her Majesty's and trying to go after the WCWWE Title Jimmy, and I can't do that if I'm in a tag team. You got me?

*Yang looks as he's about to answer before being cut off by Maria.*

Um... what's a Yangbana?

It was-

IT WAS THE GREATEST TAG TEAM THIS SIDE OF THE RIO GRANDE LITTLE MISSY!

Oh! Story time!

YA SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME...

*Yang and Maria begin discussing Yangbana while Colt facepalms once again*