Post by mysteryposter on Nov 30, 2021 13:59:09 GMT -5
My name is Jeff. Most of you probably remember as Evil M.
I am posting here, because I've reached a point in my life where I need to finally own up to my past mistakes. As you all doubtlessly remember, I'm the reason this fed no longer exists. Because my ego couldn't take not being the center of attention in a small, online roleplaying game, I tanked the fed and ruined my friendships with everyone involved in the process. I spent a long time defending myself and what I did, but now, I just want to admit to my offenses. I'm not doing this as a cry for attention, or as an attempt to ask to be forgiven. I'm doing this so that I can finally move past it.
I created a second account, under the name "macman10" in order to manipulate votes to go the way I wanted. For years, I've claimed I didn't realize that I was cheating until months down the line. The truth is, deep down, I knew this was underhanded, but I did it anyway, under the false notion that it was in the fed's best interests. It wasn't, it was in my own best interests and it tainted the results of countless shows and helped me pad my own accomplishments.
I forced people to go along with my ideas and bullied and ridiculed people who disagreed. I admit it, I was not a good fed-runner. In fact, I was really bad at it. A few people had to deal with my ego worse than others and all I can I say is that I'm sorry. In particular, I was very hard on Gus Richlen, Jonathan Michaels and Cageking. I can never take back how I treated you, but I can say I'm sorry.
I played politics to get into the position of power I held. Very early in the run of the game, I was part of daily MSN chats with Above Average, Brahma Bull and Legion. In many of those threads, Bull, Legion and myself would attempt to kiss Above Average's ass in order to gain the most leverage as General Managers. Among the many things that happened in these chats was the burial of Tank, who I still maintained vibe a civility with on the forums. I am the reason Tank was banned from participating in the fed for a while, as I repeated things he told me in private messages in the chats, in order to make myself look better. Later, I turned against Bull and Legion, as well, out of pettiness and a desire to further my own standing. In a game.
I allowed and later participated in promos and angles that glorified rape culture. The person I am now would absolutely have stood up and said, "no, we are not going there." Instead, I not only allowed it by not taking a stand, I later participated in and pitched angles involving it. Not to mention late in my tenure when I was pushing my fetishes on the fed... In the age of Me Too and Speaking Out, this is so wrong, and even back then, it was wrong. So to anyone who I offended or made uncomfortable, I am truly sorry.
During my final year in the fed, I used the "macman" identity, as well as other phony alt accounts, to wage arguments and flame wars with myself, in an attempt to derail the threads and turn the attention back onto myself. Because I was an immature, egocentric, attention whore. I deliberately trolled you guys, because I honestly had nothing better to do. I will say that I had a reason, flawed as it was. Basically, I was no longer in power and no longer part of everything. I felt like I was being pushed out of the spotlight, while Mikey, Spartan, CH Punk, Mr. B Natural, Fake Jesus and Waffel were this new clique and I wasn't cool enough to be part of it. And it's true, I wasn't. But instead of accepting it and moving on, I had to make everything about me. I killed WWE FAN, because I couldn't accept NOT being the center of attention.
Guys, I am sincerely sorry for everything I did to you guys. It's been over six years and I think I finally owed you guys an explanation and a true apology. As I said, I don't expect anyone to forgive me or anything like that. But for my own personal peace of mind, I needed to get this off my chest. For a long time, I've let this eat away at me, which is pretty pathetic, but it is what it is. I spent a long time believing that I was a failure and that I wasn't good enough, without the fed to validate me. But in the last few years, I've found my passion and my calling. I know who I am as a person, now. And with this post, maybe I can finally put the past behind me completely and look ahead to the future. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.
I am posting here, because I've reached a point in my life where I need to finally own up to my past mistakes. As you all doubtlessly remember, I'm the reason this fed no longer exists. Because my ego couldn't take not being the center of attention in a small, online roleplaying game, I tanked the fed and ruined my friendships with everyone involved in the process. I spent a long time defending myself and what I did, but now, I just want to admit to my offenses. I'm not doing this as a cry for attention, or as an attempt to ask to be forgiven. I'm doing this so that I can finally move past it.
I created a second account, under the name "macman10" in order to manipulate votes to go the way I wanted. For years, I've claimed I didn't realize that I was cheating until months down the line. The truth is, deep down, I knew this was underhanded, but I did it anyway, under the false notion that it was in the fed's best interests. It wasn't, it was in my own best interests and it tainted the results of countless shows and helped me pad my own accomplishments.
I forced people to go along with my ideas and bullied and ridiculed people who disagreed. I admit it, I was not a good fed-runner. In fact, I was really bad at it. A few people had to deal with my ego worse than others and all I can I say is that I'm sorry. In particular, I was very hard on Gus Richlen, Jonathan Michaels and Cageking. I can never take back how I treated you, but I can say I'm sorry.
I played politics to get into the position of power I held. Very early in the run of the game, I was part of daily MSN chats with Above Average, Brahma Bull and Legion. In many of those threads, Bull, Legion and myself would attempt to kiss Above Average's ass in order to gain the most leverage as General Managers. Among the many things that happened in these chats was the burial of Tank, who I still maintained vibe a civility with on the forums. I am the reason Tank was banned from participating in the fed for a while, as I repeated things he told me in private messages in the chats, in order to make myself look better. Later, I turned against Bull and Legion, as well, out of pettiness and a desire to further my own standing. In a game.
I allowed and later participated in promos and angles that glorified rape culture. The person I am now would absolutely have stood up and said, "no, we are not going there." Instead, I not only allowed it by not taking a stand, I later participated in and pitched angles involving it. Not to mention late in my tenure when I was pushing my fetishes on the fed... In the age of Me Too and Speaking Out, this is so wrong, and even back then, it was wrong. So to anyone who I offended or made uncomfortable, I am truly sorry.
During my final year in the fed, I used the "macman" identity, as well as other phony alt accounts, to wage arguments and flame wars with myself, in an attempt to derail the threads and turn the attention back onto myself. Because I was an immature, egocentric, attention whore. I deliberately trolled you guys, because I honestly had nothing better to do. I will say that I had a reason, flawed as it was. Basically, I was no longer in power and no longer part of everything. I felt like I was being pushed out of the spotlight, while Mikey, Spartan, CH Punk, Mr. B Natural, Fake Jesus and Waffel were this new clique and I wasn't cool enough to be part of it. And it's true, I wasn't. But instead of accepting it and moving on, I had to make everything about me. I killed WWE FAN, because I couldn't accept NOT being the center of attention.
Guys, I am sincerely sorry for everything I did to you guys. It's been over six years and I think I finally owed you guys an explanation and a true apology. As I said, I don't expect anyone to forgive me or anything like that. But for my own personal peace of mind, I needed to get this off my chest. For a long time, I've let this eat away at me, which is pretty pathetic, but it is what it is. I spent a long time believing that I was a failure and that I wasn't good enough, without the fed to validate me. But in the last few years, I've found my passion and my calling. I know who I am as a person, now. And with this post, maybe I can finally put the past behind me completely and look ahead to the future. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.