Post by Modster B Natural on Apr 23, 2021 22:48:30 GMT -5
Feb 11, 2010 17:00:10 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fight Club! I am Abraham Washington and tonight I am not being joined by Josh Mathews, because that fool went and got himself suspended haha!
Skinner walks out and joins Washington at the announce booth.
Um… hi?
Mista Washington, mah name ess Skinner, the Alligatah Mahn! Mista Reegal told me to c’mon out ‘ere an’ asseest yew wit’ da commentary for tonight!
……….OooooK. Um, ladies and gentlemen, let’s send it down to Howard Finkel.
Howard: The following tag team contest is set for one fall, with a ten minute time limit!
Howard: Introducing first, representing The Marella Clan, Jack Swagger and Chavo Guerrero!
Well, Santino’s guys have been on a bit of a losing streak, but remember, these guys are former Champions. They know how to deal with adversity.
Bahck when Ah hung around da swamps, we yewsed to find da meanest, ugliest alligatah in da swamp, an’-
Howard: And their opponents, Jamie Noble and Kidd Kash, The Pitbulls!
An’ we would git ‘im to open ‘is mouth real wide an’ den we’d-
Um, does this story have a point to it?
Sure it does. …What were we talkin’ ‘bout agayne?
……… It’s gonna be a long night.
Jack Swagger and Chavo Guerrero V. The Pitbulls
First to 3, 10 minutes
------------------
Kash shoots Chavo into the ropes and catches him halfway back with a knee to the ribs! He suplex’s the former World Champion, then tags in Noble. Noble climbs to the top rope and connects with a diving headbutt! Cover!
1!
2!
Swagger breaks it up!
All four men are in now, as the ref tries to restore order. Kash knocks Chavo to the outside, but turns right into a lariat from Swagger! Noble dropkick’s him, then goes for another headbutt, but Swagger moves! He quickly swoops in and scoops Noble up, Gutwrench Powerbomb! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Howard: Here are your winners, Jack Swagger and Chavo Guerrero!
How’s that for a way to open the show, huh Skinner?!
Reminded me of life in the swamps.
….I can see why.
Folks, we’ll be right back.
Feb 11, 2010 17:18:03 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
*Video cuts backstage showing Dolph Ziggler in his street clothes and sunglasses sitting down. Behind him is Michelle McCool massaging his shoulders, Dolph is abviously enjoying it.*I still can't believe last week! We beat the pitbulls! I wasn't sure we could do it!
*Slightly annoyed* Can we talk about it later? *Goes back to trying to enjoy the massage*
I can't help it! I thought the chances of us winning were very slim.
*Pulls away from her grip* Look, I beat 29 other men in a single match. I am going on to the main event at Wrestlemania to wrestle for and win the WCWWE Championship. How could you have so much doubt?
I guess you do make a good point. *Goes back to massaging his shoulders* Do you think its over between me and them?
You made the pin in the middle of the ring. And it was a clean one two three. They left with their perverbial tail between their legs. I don't think you'll be hearing from them for a long time.
Yea... I guess your right...
...
...
Dolph?
Yea?
I... I was just... wondering... if...
Vladimir Kozlov walks up to Dolph and Michelle.
Hello Dolph. Hard at work as usual, I see.
Ah Kozlov. Welcome back to ECW. Things are quite different since last time we met
Yes. Now you have someone who actually caters to your foolishness.
However, I must say, I was very impressed with what I saw at the Royal Rumble. And it was admirable of you to stand up for Michelle against the Pitbulls.
But surely you don't actually think that this- *Gestures at Dolph recieving his massage* is going to help you when you meet up with me at WrestleMania, do you?
*mockingly* THIS is a perk. THIS is how the top talent should be treated.
As for Wrestlemania, the only help I'll need is finding the best place to celebrate my victory! *Dolph smiles, Kozlov doesn't appear amused*
All joking aside... I do have to thank you though, Kozlov.
You're thanking me? What for?
A few weeks ago, you critisized my lack of focus. I didn't take this job very seriously, and it was costing me. And after our match, I sat down and really thought about it. And you were right. As great as I was, I could be even better if I buckled down and worked harder at it.
It was no coincidence that McCool and I got together. She gave me the direction I needed to take my game to the next level. But you... you were the reason I started down that path.
So again... thank you. But, the bad news is... that it will cost you that belt at Wrestlemania. *taps the belt on Kozlov's shoulder*
Kozlov laughs.
You keep living in that fantasy world of yours. I look forward to WrestleMania Dolph. I really do.
Oh... that'll change. *Stares at Kozlov until McCool starts pulling at his shoulder*
Don't get into anything right now you two. It won't do you any good. Save it for Wrestlemania!
I'd listen to her, Dolph. She seems to know what she's talking about.
*laughs slightly* Don't worry Koz... you're safe... for now. Wouldnt want you to miss No Way Out.
I certainly hope you watch closely next Friday Dolph. Because John Cena is only the latest victim to fall at my feet. I will be entering and leaving WrestleMania the same way: as Champion.
*Dolph watches Kozlov pat the belt, smile, then walk off screen. Dolph sits back down.*
So...back to what I was saying... Do you think...
OH MY GOD!!!
*Camera quickly pans out to see an attractive bruenette standing in front of them jumping up and down*
You... You're...
*Dolph stands up and sticks his hand out* Hi, I'm Dol...
DOLPH ZIGGLER!! OH MY GOD! *Brushes past his hand and gives him a big hug* I'm such a HUGE fan of yours! Did you really beat 29 other men in just one match!?
*Dolph gets a slightly cocky smile on his* Why... YES! And single handedly too!
That's amazing! OH!! You have GOT to come with me... My friends want to meet you also! They are huge fans also!
By all means... Lead the way! *Dolph pops his collar and walks out with the young woman as McCool watches them leave*
Feb 11, 2010 17:22:28 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
Howard: This match is set for one fall, with a ten minute time limit.Howard: Introducing first, Steve Lewington!
The young man from Great Britain looking to keep up the momentum he’s had since the beginning of 2010, but it won’t be easy, considering who he’s facing.
Howard: And his opponent, Drew McIntyre!
I heaer da pipes! Da pipes dey are a callin’!!
Skinner jumps up from his seat and runs to the back, screaming about “da pipes!!”
….. Right.
Drew grabs the mic.
Big things in my future. That is what William Regal told me two weeks ago. There are big things in my future. But if I have such a bright future why do I have no prospects. No title matches, nothing on the horizon, booked as an afterthought.
You know Mr Regal, I tried to do my best. I followed your rules, which is more than I can say for some. I never held the fact that you were English against you. And where did it get me? I should be THE star of Fight Club, the boggest name on this brand. And yet I have nothing. Future? Pfft.
Because I am not the future, I am the present. But you what? I'm sick of wanting for opportunities. I am challenging Dolph Ziggler next week. I don't care about his title shot, I need to show that I can beat him!
As for you, Steve, sorry pal but you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Steve Lewington V. Drew McIntyre
First to 3, 10 minutes
------------------
McIntyre hit’s whips Lewington into the corner, then nails him with a running clothesline! Lewington staggers forward and Drew hooks him for the Scot Drop, but Steve counters it into a Northern Lights Suplex, with a bridge!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Both men back up, Lewington sets for a suplex, but Drew blocks it, goes to deliver one of his own, but Lewington counters into a small package!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Lewington hammers Drew with haymakers, then knocks him to the mat with a big time dropkick! He ascends to the middle rope and goes for diving uppercut, but Drew sidesteps him. Lewington lands on his feet, but Drew catches him with a kick to the gut and then the Scot Drop! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Howard: Here is your winner, Drew McIntyre!
And Drew sending a message to William Regal. He will not be overlooked! We’ll be back in just a moment.
Feb 11, 2010 17:44:03 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
Well folks, Skinner has apparently left the building, so it looks like I’m goin’ it alone -Superfly Jimmy Snuka makes his way to ringside and sits down next to Abe.
Abe Washington brutha! It’s so good to be here, man! We gonna see some action and some traction, and that ain’t no bull, daddy!
…..Did Mae Young get rehired and someone forgot to tell me?!
Howard: The following contest is set for one fall, with a ten minute time limit.
Howard: Introducing first, representing The Marella Clan, Ted DiBiase!
Well, Ted DiBiase is making his first appearance since his unfortunate run-in with Low Ki a few weeks back. Let’s see if he suffers any ill effects from being kicked in the head… two hundred and seventy seven times?!
The Million Dollar Man brutha! He’s all about da money brutha! He-
Superfly, that’s his son.
……Don’t ya think the Superfly knew dat, brutha?!
Howard: And his opponent, Sheamus!
Look brutha!! It’s Ronald McDonald, brutha! Ronald McDonald is here on Wrestling Challenge brutha!!!
Um, that’s Sheamus, The Fight Club’s own Celtic Warrior. And this isn’t Wrestling Challenge.
Stop correctin’ the Superfly brutha. You’re makin’ me mad!
Yes sir.
Ted DiBiase V. Sheamus
First to 3, 10 minutes
---------------------
Sheamus and DiBiase trade punches in the middle of the ring. Sheamus wins the exchange, knocking Ted back into the ropes. Sheamus comes at him with a bicycle kick, but Ted gets out of the way, causing Sheamus to get caught up in the ropes! DiBiase quickly hit’s a swinging neckbreaker! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Ted pulls Sheamus up and goes for Dream Street, but Sheamus counters out of it and hit’s a lariat! He grabs Ted and delivers the Crucifix Powerbomb! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Howard: Here is your winner, Sheamus!
Sheamus defeats Ted DiBiase in another great matchup here on Fight Club tonight!
Brutha, dat was just a crazy battle to end all wars, baby!
….If you say so. We’ll be right back.
Feb 11, 2010 18:01:08 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
Howard: The following Divas tag team contest is set for one fall, with a ten minute time limit!
Already in the ring, the team Naomi Night and AJ Lee!
And their opponents, Teresa Matheson and Tiffany, The TnT Bunnies!
Well Superfly, what do you think about the TnT Bunnies?
Oh, the Superfly loves Bunnies, brutha!
You don’t say.
Naomi Night and AJ Lee V. The TnT Bunnies
First to 3, 10 minutes
-----------------
AJ and Naomi put up a fight, but they’re completely overmatched. The finish comes when Teresa whips Naomi into the ropes and catches her with a hairpull backbreaker! She makes the cover as Tiffany prevents AJ from interfering.
1!
2!
3!
Howard: Here are your winners, The TnT Bunnies!
Tiffany grabs the mic.
kitti lee manchill u bettah lisen up!!11
Katie, you know who the Bunny Belt really belongs to. A woman as repulsive, muscly, and manish as you has no business having it. We want it back, so we want a REMATCH
u so uglies u no desrv cute thins lik the bunni belt so GIVE IT BACK.!!!!!!!11oneandahalf
Give one of us, either of us, a rematch for the belt RIGHT NOW!
The Bunnies wait for Katie Lea to come out.
Katie's music begins playing and she makes her way down into the ring with a mic in hand.
You ladies can come out here and talk all you like about my appearance. I've heard it all before. We've been going over this over and over and over since April!
At Summerslam, I retired your little joke of a belt. The Bunny title is dead. It's gone. It's never going to come back. You need to get over it and accept it. You can always go and create a new joke belt to come out here and pretend is actually worth something.
The Women's title is the only women's belt in this company with any value. It is the prize you girls should be aspiring to, but instead you come out here and demand your pretty little Hannah Montana belt.
You two may be willing to embarass women's wrestling over and over, but I'm not. That's why the embarassment of a Bunny title is going to remain in my bedroom closet, never to be seen again. So you girls can complain all you wa...
Tiffany goes to slap Katie. Katie blocks it but is blindsided by Teresa who smashes her in the head with a right hand. Katie drops to the mat where the Bunnies begin stomping her. Teresa chokes her in the corner, and then Tiffany hits a bronco buster on Katie.
Teresa drags Katie up by the hair and hits a brainbuster, causing Katie to become a little dazed. Matheson picks her up to hit another brainbuster, but before she can...
STEVE LEWINGTON runs down to the ring and chases the Bunnies off.
The Bunnies retreat up the ramp looking satisfied with their work. They high five.
Lewington goes to attend to Katie who is a little knocked out. He tries to revive her and she eventually comes to. She smiles at Steve. Steve smiles back and... and he proceeds to put his tongue down her throat.
They make out for a few seconds before Katie shoves him away.
What are you doing Steve?!
Steve suddenly backs up.
I'm sorry Katie! I'm.. I'm sorry. Is this not what you want? Don't you want me Katie?!
No... I don't like you like that. Look, you're not my type. It's... it's not you... it's me.
I... I... I... I thought this was what you wanted... I can be whatever you want me to be Katie! I can be your type! I can change! Just tell me how!
I'm sorry Steve... I'm sorry.
Katie walks off past Steve and heads to the back. Steve puts his hands on the back of his head and looks like he's about to cry as we go to commercials.
Feb 11, 2010 18:10:54 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
My neighbor's dog keeps taking a crap on my lawn.I think my husband's cheating on me.
I just don't like that motherf***er, but I'm too much of a wuss to do anything about it. What can I do?
Across the country, millions of people don't like each other. Through reasons legit and otherwise, people be beefing at an alarming rate. But for many, petty, violent revenge is an option neither available or considerable to them. Until now....
Hello wastes of sperm! Low-Ki here, and if there's a special person in your life that needs to see the error of his ways, a wrong that needs to be righted, or ya just wanna see someone get the red assed, bleeding, waiting for the ambulance beatdown of their lives that puts a big grin on your face, but you're too much of a pansy to do it yourself, have no fear.
Because now, all your sadistic retribution dreams are just a phone call away, with....
1-800-F***-M-UP!
1-800-F***-M-UP is your one stop shop for all your kneecapping and crippling needs. 24/7, 365, even Christmas and Chaunaka, you call 1-800-F***-M-UP, you can get your very own consultation and free estimate on how much it's gonna cost to make your nemesis's life absolutely miserable by our accredited ass whooping specialist......ME!
I specialize in...
Kneecap breaking.
Skull fractures.
Arm snapping.
Hell, I'll kill his or her dog and stuff him down the toilet if you pay with Visa. Throw in a few extra G's, I'll sic Hoyt on his grandma and pour bleach down his gas tank for extra garnish.
I'm personally committed to service all your vindication needs, just ask all these satisfied customers...
My bastard of a boss was stealing tips from me every night to buy meth. I got kids to feed. And it didn't help that he threatened to fire me. I was stuck. But one phone call to 1-800-F***-M-UP, Low-Ki gladly showed him the error of his was. My boss no longer gets stick fingers in my till. Mainly, because Low-Ki showed up and chopped them off with a cigar cutter. Thanks, Low-Ki.
My husband was cheating on me all the time. He slept with his secretary, his hair stylist, he even banged our 16 year old babysitter in the kids playroom. He was ruining our marriage. But thanks to 1-800-F***-M-UP and $10,000, Low-Ki single-handedly restored my husband's faithfulness, didn't he Eric?
Camera pans over to a dude with a leg cast in a wheelchair.
The doctor said my balls are permanently receeded!! And did you have to make out with Low-Ki in front of me while I was bleeding to death?
What goes around comes around, assbag!
To be honest, I really didn't have a reason to call 1-800-F***-M-UP on my next door neighbor. But you know what, I got my tax return in early, and, well shoot, what's the point of having all that money if you can't enjoy it? 1-800-F***-M-UP, folks. It'll put a smile on his face.
Plus, I didn't know you could bend a dude's arm like that. Woof! I about lost my lunch.
*Now we flip the scene to Low-Ki in a modest, cozy looking suburban home, in the bathroom, with his foot down on a dude's neck while his face is in the toilet.*
With 1-800-F***-M-UP, you're guaranteed 100% satisfaction. How can I do it? Not only am I the best at doing the worst, more than likely, if you complain one teeny weeny wittle bit, I'll kick your sternum into more pieces than the plot to Lost. So everybody wins!
Besides, let's ask Frank what he thinks of the award winning services 1-800-F***-M-UP provides.
*Low-Ki pulls Frank's head out of the toilet.*
Jesus H. Christ, that's the biggest turd I've ever seen.
Frank, what's your personal take on 1-800-F***-M-UP?
*Low-Ki forcibly cranks Frank's head so we can see his face, covered in terror and dookie water, crying.*
He's a f***ing pyscho! You can't reason with him...
Nope.
You can't bargain with him...
Uhn-UH!
Begging just makes it worse.
Begging's just like nails on a chalkboard to me. It annoys my delicate eardrums.
I'll never cut off an old lady while driving ever again.
What about texting while you drive and not using a turn signal?
But I love texting...
*Low-Ki slams the toilet seat on his skull a few times, then dunks his mug back into the toilet, making sure to kick Frank in the hand when he tries to flush. He lifts him back up.*
OKAY! NO MORE TEXTING! IN FACT, NO MORE CELL PHONES!!! I'MA BURN MY IPHONE!!! JUST PLEASE, HAVE MERCYYYYY!!!
Another satisfied customer.
What are you waiting for, folks? Pick up the phone. 15 minutes could save you a lot of aggravation, and an aggravated assault charge.
And don't forget to watch me tonight on Fight Club, as I show that wanna-be thug "Ray Geezy" what FTW really means. Think of it as just a preview of what you can expect when you dial 1-800-F***-M-UP when you wants someone's ass kicked to hell.
Call now. I've got nothing better to do.
This can't get any worse....
*Low-Ki sneers a vile grin and kicks Frank in the ass as he squirms around on the linoleum.*
Oh, yes it can. Frank, Mrs. Johnson was so upset over that middle finger she missed bingo night at the senior citizens center. It's not nice to treat your elders like that.
Personally, I think it's because you've got clogged plumbing....
*Low-Ki picks up a toilet plunger and twirls it in his massive fingers.*
It's a good thing I'm also a plumber. We'll clear your drain out reaaaaal good, jackass. Heh, heh....
Oh good God....
Man, I love my job!
(STATIC)
Feb 11, 2010 18:15:47 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
……..Well folks, that was certainly… different. Up next the World Warrior is in action, but first, you may have noticed that Superfly Snuka has left the announce table. I have no idea where he went, but on with the ac-IRS walks down to ringside, briefcase in hand.
Um, can I help you?
Mr. Washington, have you prepared your taxes yet?
Um… yes?
OK then.
IRS sits down next to Abe.
Howard: The following contest is set for one fall with a 10 minute time limit.
Howard: Introducing first, accompanied by Rosa Mendes, he is the World Warrior, Low Ki!
Well, as we just saw, Low Ki has apparently gone into business, with his own… assassin company? I dunno.
I just hope Mr. Ki properly reports his business venture when he files his taxes!
Me too.
Howard: And his opponent, being accompanied by F-Plus, he is the FTW Champion, Ray Geezy!
Hey Irwin, how much you think that belt is worth?
You’ve got it wrong, Mr. Washington. I don’t actually file the taxes. I collect on late fees.
IRS stands up and points at Geezy.
PAY YOUR TAXES!!!
Josh, please… COME BACK!!!
Low Ki V. Ray Geezy
First to 3, 10 minutes
-------------------
Geezy goes for a dropkick, but Ki deflects it. He kicks Ray in the ribs, then goes for Black Magic, But F-Plus jumps up on the apron, so Ki spins around and nails him with a spinning back kick! Plus falls to the floor, as Ki turns back around to be met with a jawbreaker! Geezy hit’s the dropkick this time! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Geezy goes to the top rope for a flying body press, but Ki catches him and drives him into the mat with the Ki Krusher! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Howard: Here is your winner, Low Ki!
Ki celebrates as F-Plus rolls in to check on Geezy. Ki walks over and kick’s Plus in the head, the walks away, laughing.
Low Ki making a case for why he deserves a shot at the FTW Title, don’t you think so Irwin?
As long as his taxes are paid on time, he’s OK in my book!
….That wasn’t the question, but OK.
Back in a moment, folks!
Feb 11, 2010 18:29:25 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
Howard: The following contest is set for one fall, with a 10 minute time limit.Howard: Introducing first, Hurricane Helms!
Last week, Helms scored what had to be considered an upset, when he defeated Sheamus in the middle of the ring.
Do you have any idea how much we can tax a guy for his victory purse?
No idea.
Well, it’s a lot.
I see.
Howard: And his opponent, The American Dragon Bryan Danielson!
Well, you have to wonder how Danielson feels about being left out of the Intercontinental title picture.
Probably the same way I feel about tax cheats.
I’m sure it’s exactly like that.
Hurricane Helms V. Bryan Danielson
First to 3, 10 minutes
-------------------
Danielson shoots Helms into the ropes and catches him with an enzuiguri on the way back! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Danielson pulls Helms up, but he counters with a jumping knee to the face! Danielson staggers back, and Helms catches him with a tornado DDT! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Helms pulls Danielson up and goes for the Eye of the Hurricane, but Danielson escapes and locks in the Cattle Mutilation! Helms has no choice but to tap!
Howard: Here is your winner, Bryan Danielson!
Bryan Danielson has just given the fans here more proof that he deserves a rematch for the Intercontinental Championship!
IRS’s cell phone rings.
Hello… yeah… OK… I’ll be right there. Mr. Washington, if you’ll excuse me, I have a tax cheat to go deal with. It’s been a pleasure.
IRS leaves the announce table.
Anyone else wanna come down here?! No? Thank god.
We’ll be right back with our main event!
Feb 11, 2010 18:47:02 GMT -5 @Deleted said:
Well, we’re back. Our main event is up next, and the winner will be the new number one contender for the Intercontinental title! Let’s go to the ring.Howard: Please welcome the General Manager of The Fight Club, William Regal!
William Regal walks out and takes the mic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a number one contenders match!
Introducing first, Evan Bourne!
Well, I’m not sure exactly what Evan Bourne has done to earn this match, but I guess Mr. Regal knows what he’s doing. I wonder who his opponent is though.
And now, his opponent, he is a man we haven‘t seen in quite some time, but he has been cleared to compete and will do so right now…
Well… who is it?!
Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Hardy!
Matt’s music plays, but nobody comes out.
I said, ladies and gentlemen, Matt Hardy!
Still nobody comes out.
Well, apparently, Matt Hardy has decided not to appear tonight, despite being scheduled to do so. Therefore, I have no choice. Matt Hardy is suspended!
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, as the result of a forfeit, Evan Bourne!
Bourne smiles as Regal raises his hand.
Congratulations Mr. Bourne. You will receive your match next week right here on Fight Club. And Evan, this match will be seen, not only by millions of Fight Club fans around the world, but also by the Board of Directors, as they will be paying The Fight Club a special visit next week!
Wow! A title match next week AND the Board of Directors will be here?! It’s a show you won’t want to miss! Goodnight!
Bourne poses for the crowd, who boos defiantly as Fight Club comes to a close.