Post by Sweeter n' even more Sour on Jan 13, 2010 11:03:42 GMT -5
Carlito and Primo def. Kofi Kingston and Shelton Benjamin
Sheamus and JTG def. Pitbulls
John Morrison and The Miz def. Matt Striker and Montel Vontavious Porter
Lance Hoyt and Low Ki def. Rated sRs vs
Sheamus and JTG def. Carlito and Primo
John Morrison and The Miz def. Lance Hoyt and Low Ki
John Morrison and The Miz def Sheamus and JTG
Hello, welcome to the Dirt Sheet. I'm John Morrison and if abs had a monetary value, I'd still be richer than all of you.
With the obvious exception of yours truly, THE MIZ!
So Miz, how was your Christmas?
Well John, thank you for asking. That's very considerate of you. I spent Christmas morning at the Miz household, unwrapping gifts from my millions and millions of adoring fans... It was a long day of unwrapping presents I can tell you. Considering about 90% of the gifts were pure garbage, I'd say that counts as dedication to my loyal fanbase. How about you Jonathan?
I spent my Christmas at the Palace of Wisdom, where I also spent the morning unwrapping presents. While most of my gifts were pretty stupid, I did recieve a very nice package containing the following:
A signed picture of us with the WCWWE Tag Team Championships.
An official Miz and Morrison t-shirt(Available at wcwweshop.com, kids)
An official replica WCWWE Tag Team Championship belt, with my name engraved in the nameplate.
An advance copy of the official Miz and Morrison DVD(Also available at wcwweshop.com)
And a certificate reading "Longest Reign as Champions"
After recieving this gift, the following thought immediately popped into my head:
"Did I just get fired by In Crowd Incorporated?"
Ah of course, poor Jack Thwagger. He retheeved an extheptionally fantathtic gift. Maybe he can pawn the crap he got off and spend it on getting his speech impediment fixed.
But you know what John? Now that you've reminded me of the Hollywood Blondes - a team who would be DESTROYED on Smackdown!... you've reminded me of something.
And what might that be, Miz?
Well John, thank you for asking! You see, as I saw in the new year the British way - and by that I don't mean drinking tea and celebrating at 7pm while calling the new year "Twenty ten". I mean twenty ten? Really? What is it with British people that they can't call it Two thousand ten? Really?
Oh wait, I lost my train of thought. By the British way I did of course mean with a former Miami Heat cheerleader. Rule Britannia indeed. But anyways... as this was all taking place, I got to thinking of how in two thousand nine, we once again showed the entire world just WHY we are the greatest tag team of the 21st century!
Miz and Morrison both look up into the sky.
And I got to thinking about the year that our opponents in this little tournament have had.
Well Miz, that's interesting, because I was thinking the same thing. That's why we here at the Dirt Sheet have decided to make this episode a very special...
*A graphic reading "2009: A YEAR IN REVIEW" appears on screen, along with a kazoo sound effect. We cut back to the live feed to see Miz and Morrison both holding kazoos, which they quickly toss aside*
That's right. Tonight, we look back at the year 2009 was. And to start, let's talk about one of Smackdown's entries into tonight's tournament. Let's talk about... MVP and Matt Striker.
That's Montel Vontavious Porter and Matt Striker. I mean who calls their kid Montel Vontavious anyways? What kinda name is that?
Well Miz, I'll tell you what kind of name it is. It's a loser's name. That's right, I John Morrison accuse Montel Vontavious Porter of being a loser! Why? Well, I'll tell you.
Montel Vontavious Porter was at one time, Smackdown's highest paid performer(until I came along, of course). But he fell upon hard times and couldn't seem to win a match. To get out of his losing streak, he did the unthinkable, the unbelievable, the seemingly impossible...
He formed a tag team with R-Truth. That awe-inspiring tag team went on to lose just about every match they had. But rather than let it get him down, Montel Vontavious Porter did something shockingly intelligent and dumped that rapper-wannabe. And after he did that, things looked up for him. He won Money in the Bank(and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was one of the men he beat) and cashed it in on Shawn Michaels to become WCWWE World Heavyweight Champion.
And then, he surrounded himself with a team of followers. A group of people who would do his bidding. A group of people that included... Brian Haddock. Jezebel. Sebastian Slater. Ezekiel Jackson.
...And he called that group... The Cult of Light. And they were successful... for about a month. Then Montel Vontavious Porter lost the WCWWE World Heavyweight Championship back to man he originally won it from in the first place... Shawn Michaels.
The Cult of Light proved to be an utter failure. Note to anyone who may attempt to imitate Montel Vontavious Porter's example: For a stable to work, it helps if they can actually win a match every now and then.
But did Montel Vontavious Porter let the Cult's shortcomings get him down? Hell no he didn't! He won the King of the Ring Tournament and seemed poised to come back stronger than ever. His rejuvenated attitude led him to SummerSlam where he...
Lost to Chavo Guerrero. Following this, Montel Vontavious Porter moved to weed out all the deadweight in the Cult of Light. With the group now reduced to just Montel Vontavious Porter, Mr. Kennedy and... Cryin' Badluck, Montel Vontavious Porter realized he needed to add some fresh blood to the Cult, so he looked outside the Smackdown roster and instead to the announce table where he recruited... Matt Striker.
Ah Matt Striker, an acquisition of the highest standard without question. You know I think we should add a certain someone to our little group too John.
Hey, he can't be any worse than Striker right? Matt Striker, the very man who got a job with this company purely down to his fame that he got due to his fame outside of wrestling. I mean, what kinda los... you know what nevermind. WCWWE gave him a job simply because they felt sorry for the guy. He got kicked out of his job because he didn't know the difference between sick leave and regular leave. I mean puhleaze. And this guy is a former TEACHER!?
This is the part where I say some nice things about him... so... um... Yano what, it's kinda tough coming up with something to say when his greatest achievement was managing the Marshmallow Man to... um... actually no Big Daddy V didn't achieve anything, other than the biggest catering bill in professional sports history. John... say something nice about Matt Striker please, I'm struggling here.
He has very good diction.
So I hear, but I haven't seen and have no intention of seeing the pictures so who knows?.... Do you know?
No Miz, I don't. We don't look at those kinds of photos in the Palace of Wisdom.
I'm relieved to hear it... not that there's anything wrong with that of course. Actually this brings us quite well to our next team of the walking STD and his dwarf.
Ah yes. Lance Hoyt and Low Ki. LoHo. KeyHoyt. Team FCW. Total Nonstop Action. Whatever you wanna call 'em. These guys represent ECW-
And let's face it, they had a great title reign there too. I enjoyed TWO... yes TWO whole cups of coffee during that run! You can't argue with that sorta run! Oh wait... that is unless you have an 8 month reign as Tag Team Champions as a part of ECW... oh wait... THAT WAS US!
But seriously, these guys are the odd couple as it is, but then you see them hanging about with some ugly guy dressed as a clown. Oh, and Doink too.
Ouch. But very true. I mean, Rosa Mendes? Can you believe that Low Ki and Dolph Ziggler actually fought over that... thing?
They fought over that guy?
Yes. Two whole episodes were devoted to it.
................
Yes. I know.
I knew ECW would take a hit with us leaving... but wow. Two WHOLE WEEKS were dedicated to two guys fighting over the love of some other guy who looks like a clown. Atleast it wouldn't have made it to the main event spot.
Actually...
No... no way. JUST NO! You're kidding me?
We never kid at the Palace of Wisdom.
.....................who else is in this tournament tonight?
Let me see... oh here we go. Shelton Benjamin and Kofi Kingston.
So the boring guy and the Jamaican?
I thought he was from Ghana?
But didn't Mike Adamle say... "JAMAICAN ME CRAZY KOFI!"?
Hmm. Good point. After all, Mike Adamle wouldn't lie to us. Would he?
He did tell us ZBS would be future stars afterall. I'd say he's trustworthy enough.
Yeah. So, the boring guy and the Jamaican.
Actually, that's really all there is to them, isn't it?
Um....
Next team?
Have we still got those masks knocking about?
I think so, but why?
Well then, get your butt out.
Well, before we talk about them, let's talk about these guys.
*Ahem* YOYOYOYOYOYO! YO! YO! YOOOO!
YO!
Indeed. And of course, let's not forget his partner...
*Ahem* (Done with a very bad accent) The former Intercontinental Champion, Sheamus!
You know Sheamus replacing Shad Gaspard... could they have replaced Shad with someone any more different?
(Still speaking with the bad accent) What're ya talkin' bout fella?
Well, Shad is black, and Sheamus looks as though he's been locked away in Vince McMahon's basement since birth. Actually... you know what, did we ever find out who Vince's son was after the troll was revealed not to be his son?
We did not. You don't think...?
It's possible with Vince being Irish and all... But then if Sheamus is his son, his mother must be SO BORING! I mean Vince has charisma 2nd only to THE MIZ and John Morrison's.... or would that be 3rd? And that Sheamus "fella", well I haven't made it through one of his promos yet. I guess that gives him more value than Shelton who doesn't promo. Sheamus is solving insomnia around the globe every week on ECW!
Give the man a Nobel Peace Prize, already.
But actually, how can these guys be a real team? I mean, they don't even have a name! But, being the humanitarian I am, I took it upon myself to come up with a list of possible names for the Sheamus/JTG pairing.
Team Guinness.
The Domino Effect.
Cryme Tyme, minus Shad Gaspard, plus a pale Irish guy
Team Yo Fella!
and, my personal favorite...
Chocolate Snow.
And no guys, you don't have to thank me.
You should be getting paid by those 2 morons to come up with stuff like that. If you ever decide to hang up the boots I really do think you could have a career in marketting.
However, now I feel it's time that we became a little bit more... srs.
Miz and Morrison pull their hand down over their faces and when their faces are shown again they have rather serious expressions.
Yes, srs. The word derived by people too dumb to use full words in their vocabulary.
Which makes it a very fitting name to describe the two men who use that moniker. I mean, srs is bad enough, but how exactly can one be... Rated SRS?
Perhaps they have been officially rated too dumb to use full words. I mean it's one thing to use abbreviations when one is using a social networking site - not that Edge or Chris Jericho know much about that given that they have no friends - but to speak like that in real life is just plain.... sad!
Which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense. I mean, what other word can you use to describe their respective 2009s?
Good point John. Very apt I must say. So really Chris and Edge, if you want to be grammatically accurate - tough for you uneducated Canadians I know - you should really call yourselves Rated Sad... eh?
Is that racist?
....Nah.
Oh good. I wouldn't want to offend anyone afterall. And I think that brings us down to just one team and I do believe it's our buttcrack loving buddies from Mexico.
Well Miz, I can see how badly you want to talk about them, but I think we're forgetting someone else.
Damnit, I want to make butt jokes! The other team is the Pitbulls right? Well I'd love to talk about them but...
The Miz's phone goes off.
Oh what dya know John. It's Layla. I'd better get this. I don't want to get nuclear heatz. I wouldn't want to steal Punk's gimmick. I'll let you carry things from here.
The Miz answers the phone and walks off set.
.....OK. Well, the Pitbulls. Um, lets see here.
OK. So you've got Jamie Noble and Tyson Kidd... oops, I'm sorry. Kidd "Kash".
First of all, Jamie. I can understand trying to go back to something that worked in the past. But The Pitbulls? That didn't work! Why not try something you were successful with, like... um... maybe... hmmm. OK, maybe the Pitbulls are your best bet then.
And Kidd/Kash. Where do I begin? *Sigh* You were trained by one of the greatest families in wrestling history. So why is it you can't seem to get anywhere on your own? You've been a lackey to seemingly everyone and their mother! John Cena, Evan Bourne, now Jamie Noble? C'mon Kidd. Show a little dignity!
And that's about all I've got about these guys. It's just too bad Miz got pulled away, because it's now time to talk about Carlito and Primo.
The Miz runs back on screen.
Oh man... did I miss much? Where are we up to?
Well Miz, glad you could make it back. I was just about to start talking about the Colons.
Perfect timing! Can we bring out the masks NOW?
Yes Miz. Now we can bring out the masks.
Morrison pulls out a "butt mask".
As does The Miz.
So, anyway. The Colons.
Yes that is us. We are the intestines. My name is Caaaaaaaarleetoooooooo!!!!!
And I... am Primo. We are the Butt Brothers.
And tonight we have a reeeeeally big match up.
Miz simulates farting.
Oh I'm sorry Primo, I have a bit of a cough.
It's OK, Carlito. Anyway, like my butt brother was saying, we have a really big match tonight. If we win that match, we have another one. And if we win that, we have another. And if we win THAT...
We get our "crack" at the Unified Tag Team Titles at the Royal Rumble.
Oh yes! But Primo... we would need to get past John Morrison and The Miz to get a title shot... and welll... remember how we CRACKED under the pressure against them over and over and over again!
Yes Carlito. I fear as long as we have Miz and Morrison to deal with, our championship ass-pirations will have to wait.
And when we fail again, we'll just wind up being the butt of all their jokes once again. Maybe we should butt out of this tournament tonight.
Morrison takes off his mask.
Yes Butt Brothers, perhaps that would be the best course of action. Don't you agree Miz?
I'd say it'd be a great call! In fact maybe all 7 other teams should just quit right now!
But if they did, we would be deprived of the fun of embarrassing them with our far superior wrestling ability.
And embarass them we will. Tonight, 7 tag teams will fall by the wayside and 1 will emerge victorious - number one contenders for the Royal Rumble.
That's right. Because in life, there are winners...
Miz and Morrison give a thumbs up.
And there are LOSERS!
Miz and Morrison give a thumbs down.
We are the six-time... and soon to be seven time... Tag Team Champions.
BECAUSE I AM THE MIZ.... AND I'M AWESOME!
Morrison unbuttons his shirt to show off his abs.
Be jealous.
Welcome to the first episode of Tuesday Night Raw for 2010! And what a show it is here tonight!
Tonight… eight teams compete for the right to challenge for the tag team titles at the Royal Rumble! That action will be brought to you momentarily… but first… to the back!
*Sheamus walks to jtg in the back*
"So as you know I have the opportunity to choose whoever I want to be in the tag tourny with me. So I owe you for last week so I choose you.
JTG turns around and gives a big smile
"Heeeey Sheamus!And you dont owe me!its was business dude,but hey,i wont conplay!And dont worry,i wont charge you for the tag titles,one belt is already enought gold for me!
JTG extand his hand
"Shake here,Pale bro and we will be a official tag team!"
*Sheamus gives a little smirk and shakes hands then gives him the money for filing in for him*
JTG get money counting it
"Yeaaah,thats how i like,man,you sure are the best client i will have in a long time!So see you ther,partner!"
JTG places the hands up on the air for a hight-five
"C'mon,you know you want"
*sheamus just shakes his head and walks away*
JTG lowers the arm,staring a while
"Oh well,no fun,but i still got the money!"
Whoa! Sheamus and JTG teaming up? That could spell trouble for the other teams in this tournament! And now… for our first match!
First to the ring…
Representing Smackdown…Former 2-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… Primo and Carlito… the Colons!
And ther opponents… Representing Raw… First to the ring…
Shelton Benjamin!
And his partner…
Former 3-time World Tag Team Champion… Kofi Kingston!
Primo hits a diving headbutt on Shelton. Kofi runs in and hits a double leg drop on Primo as he went for the cover. Carlito runs in and clubs Kofi in the back of the head, then clotheslines him out of the ring. Shelton suddenly pops up and hits the T-Bone suplex on the unsuspecting Carlito… He goes for the cover!
But wait… Carlito isn’t the legal man… the ref doesn’t make the count. Shelton argues with the ref…. Back Stabber by Primo!!
1..
2..
3!!
"Who will they be not that that matters anyway.
"Just the tag team...whats their name...oh yeah,The Pitbulls,these skinny guys,you could easyl manhandle them probaly
*Sheamus smirks*
"Yeah they don't really sound like a tough team so this should be an easy win for us
JTG also smirk and places a arm around Sheamus arm
Its gona be..easy these litte doggys will be no match for us,and dont worry,i wont betray my partner for money!you can trust me!
Good now i'm going to go train you wanna come?
JTG makes a thinkful face for a while
"UUhm....sure,why not?We need to be ready to beat these doggys,lets go![/color
First to the ring…
Representing ECW… The Pitbulls!
And their Opponents… Also representing ECW… First to the ring….
Sheamus!
And his tag team partner…
JTG!!
Noble hits a series of kicks to shaemus, then irish whips him into the ropes… backdrop! Bourne climbs the top rope … but JTG knocks him down and Noble crotches himself on the turnbuckle. JTG rushes over and knocks Kidd off the ring as sheamus gets back to his feet. He goes over to Noble, who is still on the turnbuckle. Inverted crucifix powebomb!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… Sheamus and JTG!!
*MVP,Matt Striker and Mr. Braddock are shown backstage in front of the Smackdown logo*
Striker turns to MVP
"Hey MVP,i already discovered who our opponents will be for the first Round, and theres nothing to worry,they are only two brainless jokers"
Really and who are these unfortunate souls?
"Miz and Morrison of course,but they dont stand a chance against my brain..and you skills,we dont even gonna need Sabertooth over there to win this
Of course we won't. I doubt we'll even need to take off our street clothes and do you know why?
Striker gives a little laugh
And why ,Montel?
Because in every single way
Every conceivably relevant way
WE.ARE.SUPERIOR.
Striker pats MVP back with a cocky smile on his face
Thats right Montel, all of these little teams stands no chance on us! Lets get ready for our match ,shall we? Because we need to win, we need to humiliate them.
Miz and Morrison, Hoyt and Ki even the Colons
Oh god do I hope we get the Colons
We'll go straight through all of you and won't even slow and when we're standing across the ring from Duggan and Hart?
You even need to ask?We gonna destroy them, pin them for the 1-2-3 and become the new...tag team champions, DESERVING champions.
The FIRST deserving champions in this company.
E-xa-ctly,when its about winning,there nobody better than us two
Pssh do you know that when I came here tonight I wanted a challenge?
Striker laughts again and places hand at MVP shoulder
"Do you think there is a challenge for us? Not here on these lame tag teams"
True
There's so few challenges left for bothof us
"We are years ahead of them"
So now all that's left is losers
"Except for us,of course"
First to the ring… Representing Smackdown…
3-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… 2-time Extreme Tag Team Champions… John Morrison and The Miz!
And their opponents… Also representing Smackdown…
Matt Striker and Former WCWWE Tag team Champion Montel Vontavious Porter… M…V…P!!!!
MVP hits the drive-by kick on Miz and goes for the cover…
1..
Morrison is in to break it up… MVP pops up and starts trading punches with Morrison. MVP irish whips him into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Morrison ducks it!! But runs right into a Golden Rule by Matt Striker!! The ref then gets in Strikers face and gets him to leave the ring. He does so and starts celebrating on the outside, but inside the ring Miz spins MVP around… Mizaster!!
1..
2.. Striker sees the pin and tries to stop it..
3!! He’s too late!!
Here are your winners… Miz and Morrison!!
First to the ring… representing RAW
Edge and former World Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho… Rated sRs!!
And their opponents… representing ECW…
Former Extreme Tag Team Champions… Lance Hoyt and Low Ki!!
Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho on Ki… but right as he does… he eats a big boot from Hoyt… Low Ki climbs the rope and hits the Warriors way on Jericho as Hoyt hits the penetration on Edge… who was trying to break up the pinfall…
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… Lance Hoyt and Low Ki!!
This is a Semi-Final Match for the Tag Titles contendership!!
First to the ring…
Representing Smackdown…Former 2-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… Primo and Carlito… the Colons!
And their Opponents… representing ECW… First to the ring….
Sheamus!
And his tag team partner…
JTG!!
Sheamus hits the Celtic Curse on Primo… Carlito doesn’t even attempt to make the save as JTG stares him down.
1..
2..
3!!
This is a Semi-Final Match for the #1 contenders for the Tag Team Titles!!
First to the ring… Representing Smackdown…
3-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… 2-time Extreme Tag Team Champions… John Morrison and The Miz!
And their opponents… representing ECW…
Former Extreme Tag Team Champions… Lance Hoyt and Low Ki!!
Hoyt hits the penetration on Morrison and goes for the cover…
1..
2..
Miz with the save! Ki comes in, he and Hoyt begin to double team Miz. They set him up for a double suplex. Morrison surprises Ki with the Flying Chuck Kick!! Miz kicks hoyt in the gut… Mizaster!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… John Morrison and The Miz!
*Stephanie McMahon is shown in her office chatting with Jimmy Wang Yang. The phone rings and Yang excuses himself and she answers the phone.
McMahon.
…
Yes, I decided who would be entered into the tag tournament.
…
No, I don’t think I made a hasty decision.
…
What do you mean?
…
No, I’m pretty sure I considered everyone for these spots.
…
Legal action? I don’t see how you even have a case.
…
Yes, you and your client can meet me next week. And I tell you what... just to show you how confident I am in my decisions… we’ll meet in front of the entire WCWWE nation… In the middle of the ring. How does that sound?
…
Well if your clients are so sure that I have done them an injustice, they should have no problem confronting me publicly. Now, I’m a busy woman and don’t have time to keep arguing with you. *slams down the phone…then looks to be thinking about the situation with a slight bit of confusion on her face.*
Wow… I wonder which of the tag teams is upset about not being included… I guess we’ll find out next week!
Ladies and gentlemen… It is now time for the MAIN EVENT… and it is for the right to go on to the Royal Rumble and go for the Undisputed Tag Team Championships!
First to the ring… Representing Smackdown…
3-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… 2-time Extreme Tag Team Champions… John Morrison and The Miz!
And their Opponents… representing ECW… First to the ring….
Sheamus!
And his tag team partner…
JTG!!
Sheamus gains control with a scissors kick to Morrison’s sternum. Morrison rolls around in pain as Sheamus begins to celebrate. He drags Morrison over to his corner and tags in JTG… but they never get the chance to double team him, as Miz runs across the ring and jumps on Sheamus’s back with a sleeperhold. Sheamus tries to fling miz off, but cannot. Finally he runs back first into the corner, stunning miz.
On the other side of the ring… JTG is stomping on a prone Morrison. Sheamus signals for another scissors kick and irish whips miz into the ropes… but Miz hangs on… Frustrated, Sheamus runs at Miz… who pulls down the top rope, causing Sheamus to tumble to the outside. Miz mocks Sheamus then turns around… right into a clothesline from JTG! Miz is flipped over the top rope and now is laying beside Sheamus.
Just then, Morrison bounces off the 2nd rope and hits the flying chuck kick! Cover!!
1..
2..
Kickout!!
Morrison can’t believe it! He picks JTG up and hits a suplex then drags him over to the corner…
Starship Pain!! Cover!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… and #1 contenders for the Undisputed Tag Team Championships at the Royal Rumble… John Morrison and The Miz!!
Miz rolls back into the ring, still feeling the effects of the match. Both Miz and Morrison celebrate in the ring as the show comes to a close!
Thanks to Double H(still worth blaming), TTS, sportsdude, AA, M, and Hayden for your involvement with putting the show together.
Thanks to everyone here that voted during the show.
Sheamus and JTG def. Pitbulls
John Morrison and The Miz def. Matt Striker and Montel Vontavious Porter
Lance Hoyt and Low Ki def. Rated sRs vs
Sheamus and JTG def. Carlito and Primo
John Morrison and The Miz def. Lance Hoyt and Low Ki
John Morrison and The Miz def Sheamus and JTG
Hello, welcome to the Dirt Sheet. I'm John Morrison and if abs had a monetary value, I'd still be richer than all of you.
With the obvious exception of yours truly, THE MIZ!
So Miz, how was your Christmas?
Well John, thank you for asking. That's very considerate of you. I spent Christmas morning at the Miz household, unwrapping gifts from my millions and millions of adoring fans... It was a long day of unwrapping presents I can tell you. Considering about 90% of the gifts were pure garbage, I'd say that counts as dedication to my loyal fanbase. How about you Jonathan?
I spent my Christmas at the Palace of Wisdom, where I also spent the morning unwrapping presents. While most of my gifts were pretty stupid, I did recieve a very nice package containing the following:
A signed picture of us with the WCWWE Tag Team Championships.
An official Miz and Morrison t-shirt(Available at wcwweshop.com, kids)
An official replica WCWWE Tag Team Championship belt, with my name engraved in the nameplate.
An advance copy of the official Miz and Morrison DVD(Also available at wcwweshop.com)
And a certificate reading "Longest Reign as Champions"
After recieving this gift, the following thought immediately popped into my head:
"Did I just get fired by In Crowd Incorporated?"
Ah of course, poor Jack Thwagger. He retheeved an extheptionally fantathtic gift. Maybe he can pawn the crap he got off and spend it on getting his speech impediment fixed.
But you know what John? Now that you've reminded me of the Hollywood Blondes - a team who would be DESTROYED on Smackdown!... you've reminded me of something.
And what might that be, Miz?
Well John, thank you for asking! You see, as I saw in the new year the British way - and by that I don't mean drinking tea and celebrating at 7pm while calling the new year "Twenty ten". I mean twenty ten? Really? What is it with British people that they can't call it Two thousand ten? Really?
Oh wait, I lost my train of thought. By the British way I did of course mean with a former Miami Heat cheerleader. Rule Britannia indeed. But anyways... as this was all taking place, I got to thinking of how in two thousand nine, we once again showed the entire world just WHY we are the greatest tag team of the 21st century!
Miz and Morrison both look up into the sky.
And I got to thinking about the year that our opponents in this little tournament have had.
Well Miz, that's interesting, because I was thinking the same thing. That's why we here at the Dirt Sheet have decided to make this episode a very special...
*A graphic reading "2009: A YEAR IN REVIEW" appears on screen, along with a kazoo sound effect. We cut back to the live feed to see Miz and Morrison both holding kazoos, which they quickly toss aside*
That's right. Tonight, we look back at the year 2009 was. And to start, let's talk about one of Smackdown's entries into tonight's tournament. Let's talk about... MVP and Matt Striker.
That's Montel Vontavious Porter and Matt Striker. I mean who calls their kid Montel Vontavious anyways? What kinda name is that?
Well Miz, I'll tell you what kind of name it is. It's a loser's name. That's right, I John Morrison accuse Montel Vontavious Porter of being a loser! Why? Well, I'll tell you.
Montel Vontavious Porter was at one time, Smackdown's highest paid performer(until I came along, of course). But he fell upon hard times and couldn't seem to win a match. To get out of his losing streak, he did the unthinkable, the unbelievable, the seemingly impossible...
He formed a tag team with R-Truth. That awe-inspiring tag team went on to lose just about every match they had. But rather than let it get him down, Montel Vontavious Porter did something shockingly intelligent and dumped that rapper-wannabe. And after he did that, things looked up for him. He won Money in the Bank(and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was one of the men he beat) and cashed it in on Shawn Michaels to become WCWWE World Heavyweight Champion.
And then, he surrounded himself with a team of followers. A group of people who would do his bidding. A group of people that included... Brian Haddock. Jezebel. Sebastian Slater. Ezekiel Jackson.
...And he called that group... The Cult of Light. And they were successful... for about a month. Then Montel Vontavious Porter lost the WCWWE World Heavyweight Championship back to man he originally won it from in the first place... Shawn Michaels.
The Cult of Light proved to be an utter failure. Note to anyone who may attempt to imitate Montel Vontavious Porter's example: For a stable to work, it helps if they can actually win a match every now and then.
But did Montel Vontavious Porter let the Cult's shortcomings get him down? Hell no he didn't! He won the King of the Ring Tournament and seemed poised to come back stronger than ever. His rejuvenated attitude led him to SummerSlam where he...
Lost to Chavo Guerrero. Following this, Montel Vontavious Porter moved to weed out all the deadweight in the Cult of Light. With the group now reduced to just Montel Vontavious Porter, Mr. Kennedy and... Cryin' Badluck, Montel Vontavious Porter realized he needed to add some fresh blood to the Cult, so he looked outside the Smackdown roster and instead to the announce table where he recruited... Matt Striker.
Ah Matt Striker, an acquisition of the highest standard without question. You know I think we should add a certain someone to our little group too John.
Hey, he can't be any worse than Striker right? Matt Striker, the very man who got a job with this company purely down to his fame that he got due to his fame outside of wrestling. I mean, what kinda los... you know what nevermind. WCWWE gave him a job simply because they felt sorry for the guy. He got kicked out of his job because he didn't know the difference between sick leave and regular leave. I mean puhleaze. And this guy is a former TEACHER!?
This is the part where I say some nice things about him... so... um... Yano what, it's kinda tough coming up with something to say when his greatest achievement was managing the Marshmallow Man to... um... actually no Big Daddy V didn't achieve anything, other than the biggest catering bill in professional sports history. John... say something nice about Matt Striker please, I'm struggling here.
He has very good diction.
So I hear, but I haven't seen and have no intention of seeing the pictures so who knows?.... Do you know?
No Miz, I don't. We don't look at those kinds of photos in the Palace of Wisdom.
I'm relieved to hear it... not that there's anything wrong with that of course. Actually this brings us quite well to our next team of the walking STD and his dwarf.
Ah yes. Lance Hoyt and Low Ki. LoHo. KeyHoyt. Team FCW. Total Nonstop Action. Whatever you wanna call 'em. These guys represent ECW-
And let's face it, they had a great title reign there too. I enjoyed TWO... yes TWO whole cups of coffee during that run! You can't argue with that sorta run! Oh wait... that is unless you have an 8 month reign as Tag Team Champions as a part of ECW... oh wait... THAT WAS US!
But seriously, these guys are the odd couple as it is, but then you see them hanging about with some ugly guy dressed as a clown. Oh, and Doink too.
Ouch. But very true. I mean, Rosa Mendes? Can you believe that Low Ki and Dolph Ziggler actually fought over that... thing?
They fought over that guy?
Yes. Two whole episodes were devoted to it.
................
Yes. I know.
I knew ECW would take a hit with us leaving... but wow. Two WHOLE WEEKS were dedicated to two guys fighting over the love of some other guy who looks like a clown. Atleast it wouldn't have made it to the main event spot.
Actually...
No... no way. JUST NO! You're kidding me?
We never kid at the Palace of Wisdom.
.....................who else is in this tournament tonight?
Let me see... oh here we go. Shelton Benjamin and Kofi Kingston.
So the boring guy and the Jamaican?
I thought he was from Ghana?
But didn't Mike Adamle say... "JAMAICAN ME CRAZY KOFI!"?
Hmm. Good point. After all, Mike Adamle wouldn't lie to us. Would he?
He did tell us ZBS would be future stars afterall. I'd say he's trustworthy enough.
Yeah. So, the boring guy and the Jamaican.
Actually, that's really all there is to them, isn't it?
Um....
Next team?
Have we still got those masks knocking about?
I think so, but why?
Well then, get your butt out.
Well, before we talk about them, let's talk about these guys.
*Ahem* YOYOYOYOYOYO! YO! YO! YOOOO!
YO!
Indeed. And of course, let's not forget his partner...
*Ahem* (Done with a very bad accent) The former Intercontinental Champion, Sheamus!
You know Sheamus replacing Shad Gaspard... could they have replaced Shad with someone any more different?
(Still speaking with the bad accent) What're ya talkin' bout fella?
Well, Shad is black, and Sheamus looks as though he's been locked away in Vince McMahon's basement since birth. Actually... you know what, did we ever find out who Vince's son was after the troll was revealed not to be his son?
We did not. You don't think...?
It's possible with Vince being Irish and all... But then if Sheamus is his son, his mother must be SO BORING! I mean Vince has charisma 2nd only to THE MIZ and John Morrison's.... or would that be 3rd? And that Sheamus "fella", well I haven't made it through one of his promos yet. I guess that gives him more value than Shelton who doesn't promo. Sheamus is solving insomnia around the globe every week on ECW!
Give the man a Nobel Peace Prize, already.
But actually, how can these guys be a real team? I mean, they don't even have a name! But, being the humanitarian I am, I took it upon myself to come up with a list of possible names for the Sheamus/JTG pairing.
Team Guinness.
The Domino Effect.
Cryme Tyme, minus Shad Gaspard, plus a pale Irish guy
Team Yo Fella!
and, my personal favorite...
Chocolate Snow.
And no guys, you don't have to thank me.
You should be getting paid by those 2 morons to come up with stuff like that. If you ever decide to hang up the boots I really do think you could have a career in marketting.
However, now I feel it's time that we became a little bit more... srs.
Miz and Morrison pull their hand down over their faces and when their faces are shown again they have rather serious expressions.
Yes, srs. The word derived by people too dumb to use full words in their vocabulary.
Which makes it a very fitting name to describe the two men who use that moniker. I mean, srs is bad enough, but how exactly can one be... Rated SRS?
Perhaps they have been officially rated too dumb to use full words. I mean it's one thing to use abbreviations when one is using a social networking site - not that Edge or Chris Jericho know much about that given that they have no friends - but to speak like that in real life is just plain.... sad!
Which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense. I mean, what other word can you use to describe their respective 2009s?
Good point John. Very apt I must say. So really Chris and Edge, if you want to be grammatically accurate - tough for you uneducated Canadians I know - you should really call yourselves Rated Sad... eh?
Is that racist?
....Nah.
Oh good. I wouldn't want to offend anyone afterall. And I think that brings us down to just one team and I do believe it's our buttcrack loving buddies from Mexico.
Well Miz, I can see how badly you want to talk about them, but I think we're forgetting someone else.
Damnit, I want to make butt jokes! The other team is the Pitbulls right? Well I'd love to talk about them but...
The Miz's phone goes off.
Oh what dya know John. It's Layla. I'd better get this. I don't want to get nuclear heatz. I wouldn't want to steal Punk's gimmick. I'll let you carry things from here.
The Miz answers the phone and walks off set.
.....OK. Well, the Pitbulls. Um, lets see here.
OK. So you've got Jamie Noble and Tyson Kidd... oops, I'm sorry. Kidd "Kash".
First of all, Jamie. I can understand trying to go back to something that worked in the past. But The Pitbulls? That didn't work! Why not try something you were successful with, like... um... maybe... hmmm. OK, maybe the Pitbulls are your best bet then.
And Kidd/Kash. Where do I begin? *Sigh* You were trained by one of the greatest families in wrestling history. So why is it you can't seem to get anywhere on your own? You've been a lackey to seemingly everyone and their mother! John Cena, Evan Bourne, now Jamie Noble? C'mon Kidd. Show a little dignity!
And that's about all I've got about these guys. It's just too bad Miz got pulled away, because it's now time to talk about Carlito and Primo.
The Miz runs back on screen.
Oh man... did I miss much? Where are we up to?
Well Miz, glad you could make it back. I was just about to start talking about the Colons.
Perfect timing! Can we bring out the masks NOW?
Yes Miz. Now we can bring out the masks.
Morrison pulls out a "butt mask".
As does The Miz.
So, anyway. The Colons.
Yes that is us. We are the intestines. My name is Caaaaaaaarleetoooooooo!!!!!
And I... am Primo. We are the Butt Brothers.
And tonight we have a reeeeeally big match up.
Miz simulates farting.
Oh I'm sorry Primo, I have a bit of a cough.
It's OK, Carlito. Anyway, like my butt brother was saying, we have a really big match tonight. If we win that match, we have another one. And if we win that, we have another. And if we win THAT...
We get our "crack" at the Unified Tag Team Titles at the Royal Rumble.
Oh yes! But Primo... we would need to get past John Morrison and The Miz to get a title shot... and welll... remember how we CRACKED under the pressure against them over and over and over again!
Yes Carlito. I fear as long as we have Miz and Morrison to deal with, our championship ass-pirations will have to wait.
And when we fail again, we'll just wind up being the butt of all their jokes once again. Maybe we should butt out of this tournament tonight.
Morrison takes off his mask.
Yes Butt Brothers, perhaps that would be the best course of action. Don't you agree Miz?
I'd say it'd be a great call! In fact maybe all 7 other teams should just quit right now!
But if they did, we would be deprived of the fun of embarrassing them with our far superior wrestling ability.
And embarass them we will. Tonight, 7 tag teams will fall by the wayside and 1 will emerge victorious - number one contenders for the Royal Rumble.
That's right. Because in life, there are winners...
Miz and Morrison give a thumbs up.
And there are LOSERS!
Miz and Morrison give a thumbs down.
We are the six-time... and soon to be seven time... Tag Team Champions.
BECAUSE I AM THE MIZ.... AND I'M AWESOME!
Morrison unbuttons his shirt to show off his abs.
Be jealous.
Welcome to the first episode of Tuesday Night Raw for 2010! And what a show it is here tonight!
Tonight… eight teams compete for the right to challenge for the tag team titles at the Royal Rumble! That action will be brought to you momentarily… but first… to the back!
*Sheamus walks to jtg in the back*
"So as you know I have the opportunity to choose whoever I want to be in the tag tourny with me. So I owe you for last week so I choose you.
JTG turns around and gives a big smile
"Heeeey Sheamus!And you dont owe me!its was business dude,but hey,i wont conplay!And dont worry,i wont charge you for the tag titles,one belt is already enought gold for me!
JTG extand his hand
"Shake here,Pale bro and we will be a official tag team!"
*Sheamus gives a little smirk and shakes hands then gives him the money for filing in for him*
JTG get money counting it
"Yeaaah,thats how i like,man,you sure are the best client i will have in a long time!So see you ther,partner!"
JTG places the hands up on the air for a hight-five
"C'mon,you know you want"
*sheamus just shakes his head and walks away*
JTG lowers the arm,staring a while
"Oh well,no fun,but i still got the money!"
Whoa! Sheamus and JTG teaming up? That could spell trouble for the other teams in this tournament! And now… for our first match!
First to the ring…
Representing Smackdown…Former 2-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… Primo and Carlito… the Colons!
And ther opponents… Representing Raw… First to the ring…
Shelton Benjamin!
And his partner…
Former 3-time World Tag Team Champion… Kofi Kingston!
Carlito/Primo vs Kofi Kingston/Shelton Benjamin
First to 3
10 Minutes
[/center]First to 3
10 Minutes
Primo hits a diving headbutt on Shelton. Kofi runs in and hits a double leg drop on Primo as he went for the cover. Carlito runs in and clubs Kofi in the back of the head, then clotheslines him out of the ring. Shelton suddenly pops up and hits the T-Bone suplex on the unsuspecting Carlito… He goes for the cover!
But wait… Carlito isn’t the legal man… the ref doesn’t make the count. Shelton argues with the ref…. Back Stabber by Primo!!
1..
2..
3!!
"Who will they be not that that matters anyway.
"Just the tag team...whats their name...oh yeah,The Pitbulls,these skinny guys,you could easyl manhandle them probaly
*Sheamus smirks*
"Yeah they don't really sound like a tough team so this should be an easy win for us
JTG also smirk and places a arm around Sheamus arm
Its gona be..easy these litte doggys will be no match for us,and dont worry,i wont betray my partner for money!you can trust me!
Good now i'm going to go train you wanna come?
JTG makes a thinkful face for a while
"UUhm....sure,why not?We need to be ready to beat these doggys,lets go![/color
First to the ring…
Representing ECW… The Pitbulls!
And their Opponents… Also representing ECW… First to the ring….
Sheamus!
And his tag team partner…
JTG!!
Pitbulls vs Sheamus and JTG
First to 3
10 Minutes
[/center]First to 3
10 Minutes
Noble hits a series of kicks to shaemus, then irish whips him into the ropes… backdrop! Bourne climbs the top rope … but JTG knocks him down and Noble crotches himself on the turnbuckle. JTG rushes over and knocks Kidd off the ring as sheamus gets back to his feet. He goes over to Noble, who is still on the turnbuckle. Inverted crucifix powebomb!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… Sheamus and JTG!!
*MVP,Matt Striker and Mr. Braddock are shown backstage in front of the Smackdown logo*
Striker turns to MVP
"Hey MVP,i already discovered who our opponents will be for the first Round, and theres nothing to worry,they are only two brainless jokers"
Really and who are these unfortunate souls?
"Miz and Morrison of course,but they dont stand a chance against my brain..and you skills,we dont even gonna need Sabertooth over there to win this
Of course we won't. I doubt we'll even need to take off our street clothes and do you know why?
Striker gives a little laugh
And why ,Montel?
Because in every single way
Every conceivably relevant way
WE.ARE.SUPERIOR.
Striker pats MVP back with a cocky smile on his face
Thats right Montel, all of these little teams stands no chance on us! Lets get ready for our match ,shall we? Because we need to win, we need to humiliate them.
Miz and Morrison, Hoyt and Ki even the Colons
Oh god do I hope we get the Colons
We'll go straight through all of you and won't even slow and when we're standing across the ring from Duggan and Hart?
You even need to ask?We gonna destroy them, pin them for the 1-2-3 and become the new...tag team champions, DESERVING champions.
The FIRST deserving champions in this company.
E-xa-ctly,when its about winning,there nobody better than us two
Pssh do you know that when I came here tonight I wanted a challenge?
Striker laughts again and places hand at MVP shoulder
"Do you think there is a challenge for us? Not here on these lame tag teams"
True
There's so few challenges left for bothof us
"We are years ahead of them"
So now all that's left is losers
"Except for us,of course"
First to the ring… Representing Smackdown…
3-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… 2-time Extreme Tag Team Champions… John Morrison and The Miz!
And their opponents… Also representing Smackdown…
Matt Striker and Former WCWWE Tag team Champion Montel Vontavious Porter… M…V…P!!!!
John Morrison and The Miz vs. Matt Striker and Montel Vontavious Porter
First to 3
10 Minutes
[/center]First to 3
10 Minutes
MVP hits the drive-by kick on Miz and goes for the cover…
1..
Morrison is in to break it up… MVP pops up and starts trading punches with Morrison. MVP irish whips him into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Morrison ducks it!! But runs right into a Golden Rule by Matt Striker!! The ref then gets in Strikers face and gets him to leave the ring. He does so and starts celebrating on the outside, but inside the ring Miz spins MVP around… Mizaster!!
1..
2.. Striker sees the pin and tries to stop it..
3!! He’s too late!!
Here are your winners… Miz and Morrison!!
First to the ring… representing RAW
Edge and former World Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho… Rated sRs!!
And their opponents… representing ECW…
Former Extreme Tag Team Champions… Lance Hoyt and Low Ki!!
Rated sRs vs Lance Hoyt and Low Ki
First to 3
10 Minutes
[/center]First to 3
10 Minutes
Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho on Ki… but right as he does… he eats a big boot from Hoyt… Low Ki climbs the rope and hits the Warriors way on Jericho as Hoyt hits the penetration on Edge… who was trying to break up the pinfall…
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… Lance Hoyt and Low Ki!!
This is a Semi-Final Match for the Tag Titles contendership!!
First to the ring…
Representing Smackdown…Former 2-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… Primo and Carlito… the Colons!
And their Opponents… representing ECW… First to the ring….
Sheamus!
And his tag team partner…
JTG!!
Carlito/Primo vs Shaemus/JTG
First to 3
10 Minutes
[/center]First to 3
10 Minutes
Sheamus hits the Celtic Curse on Primo… Carlito doesn’t even attempt to make the save as JTG stares him down.
1..
2..
3!!
This is a Semi-Final Match for the #1 contenders for the Tag Team Titles!!
First to the ring… Representing Smackdown…
3-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… 2-time Extreme Tag Team Champions… John Morrison and The Miz!
And their opponents… representing ECW…
Former Extreme Tag Team Champions… Lance Hoyt and Low Ki!!
Miz/Morrison vs Lance Hoyt/Low Ki
First to 3
10 Minutes
[/center]First to 3
10 Minutes
Hoyt hits the penetration on Morrison and goes for the cover…
1..
2..
Miz with the save! Ki comes in, he and Hoyt begin to double team Miz. They set him up for a double suplex. Morrison surprises Ki with the Flying Chuck Kick!! Miz kicks hoyt in the gut… Mizaster!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… John Morrison and The Miz!
*Stephanie McMahon is shown in her office chatting with Jimmy Wang Yang. The phone rings and Yang excuses himself and she answers the phone.
McMahon.
…
Yes, I decided who would be entered into the tag tournament.
…
No, I don’t think I made a hasty decision.
…
What do you mean?
…
No, I’m pretty sure I considered everyone for these spots.
…
Legal action? I don’t see how you even have a case.
…
Yes, you and your client can meet me next week. And I tell you what... just to show you how confident I am in my decisions… we’ll meet in front of the entire WCWWE nation… In the middle of the ring. How does that sound?
…
Well if your clients are so sure that I have done them an injustice, they should have no problem confronting me publicly. Now, I’m a busy woman and don’t have time to keep arguing with you. *slams down the phone…then looks to be thinking about the situation with a slight bit of confusion on her face.*
Wow… I wonder which of the tag teams is upset about not being included… I guess we’ll find out next week!
Ladies and gentlemen… It is now time for the MAIN EVENT… and it is for the right to go on to the Royal Rumble and go for the Undisputed Tag Team Championships!
First to the ring… Representing Smackdown…
3-time WCWWE Tag Team Champions… 2-time Extreme Tag Team Champions… John Morrison and The Miz!
And their Opponents… representing ECW… First to the ring….
Sheamus!
And his tag team partner…
JTG!!
Miz/Morrison vs Sheamus/JTG
First to 4
15 Minutes
[/center]First to 4
15 Minutes
Sheamus gains control with a scissors kick to Morrison’s sternum. Morrison rolls around in pain as Sheamus begins to celebrate. He drags Morrison over to his corner and tags in JTG… but they never get the chance to double team him, as Miz runs across the ring and jumps on Sheamus’s back with a sleeperhold. Sheamus tries to fling miz off, but cannot. Finally he runs back first into the corner, stunning miz.
On the other side of the ring… JTG is stomping on a prone Morrison. Sheamus signals for another scissors kick and irish whips miz into the ropes… but Miz hangs on… Frustrated, Sheamus runs at Miz… who pulls down the top rope, causing Sheamus to tumble to the outside. Miz mocks Sheamus then turns around… right into a clothesline from JTG! Miz is flipped over the top rope and now is laying beside Sheamus.
Just then, Morrison bounces off the 2nd rope and hits the flying chuck kick! Cover!!
1..
2..
Kickout!!
Morrison can’t believe it! He picks JTG up and hits a suplex then drags him over to the corner…
Starship Pain!! Cover!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here are your winners… and #1 contenders for the Undisputed Tag Team Championships at the Royal Rumble… John Morrison and The Miz!!
Miz rolls back into the ring, still feeling the effects of the match. Both Miz and Morrison celebrate in the ring as the show comes to a close!
Thanks to Double H(still worth blaming), TTS, sportsdude, AA, M, and Hayden for your involvement with putting the show together.
Thanks to everyone here that voted during the show.