ILWF Promo Archives

[Above Average]

Pre-show one promo:

*Pyros, confetti, and general ballyhoo kick off the first ever broadcast of the Independent-Legend Wrestling Federation. The TurnerTron kicks up a classic video from ACDC.*



*ERIC BISCHOFF makes his way to the ring with a cheshire grin on his face.*

Man, it's good to be back on TV!!! Ladies, Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever broadcast of the ILWF!!! Now, as your co-owner, I would like to welcome everyone to the Official Roster Draft for the ILWF! The rules are simple: If you don't have a contract with WWE or TNA, then you're welcome to wrestle here. Just come to me, and I'll find you a slot on the card.

Oh, wait...I almost forgot, I said co-owner, didn't I? Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the biggest shocker in professional wrestling history. The only man I could run an endeavor such as this alongside, as much as I may hate it. Please welcome my co-owner...



PAUL HEYMAN!!!

*Paul Heyman comes to the ring with his baseball cap on and the ECW VIP badge around his neck. He gets into the ring and stares down Bischoff. He reluctantly raises his hand for a handshake, which Bischoff also reluctantly accepts.*

Ladies and gentlemen, in case you don't know just in the who the hell I am, I am Paul HEYMAN! And Eric, while World Championship Wrestling, and Extreme Championship Wrestling may be dead... well the real ECW is dead anyway... this company is the one that will finally blow WCWWE and that other upstart company from Florida, out of the water! As opponents, we destroyed each other in the end, leaving WCWWE to carry on and become the number one brand in wrestling today. Focusing our attentions to a united cause to bring down the big 2? We will be unstoppable.

*Heyman rips off his VIP badge and throws his hat into the crowd.*

Our first ever wrestling broadcast, Clash of the Champions, will take place Monday, January 26th. And on behalf of Mr. Heyman and myself, I think...no, KNOW that we are going to blow Raw out of the water. WCWWE may still be here, and even though those boys in Orlando have made this claim before; Professional Wrestling is officially back!

*Bischoff's music begins playing as he begins to exit. Heyman waves and Bischoff's music is cut and replaced by Heyman's. The two begin a quick argument, but cut it short just as fast and leave the ring together.*

[Above Average]

*Camera cuts backstage, where a man in black jeans and a t-shirt which reads "The War is Waiting" on the back is walking down a hallway. He stops at a door which reads "ILWF Owners" and knocks. A voice is heard saying "Come in.", and the man enters the room.........to see Stacy Keibler at a desk waiting.*

Can I help you?

Yea, you can. Tyler Black to see one of the owners. I don't give a damn which, just tell whoever's here that I'm scheduling a meeting for right now.

Paul Heyman's out at the moment, but Mr. Bischoff is here.

That's all the info I need.

*Black walks behind Stacy's desk and barges into Eric Bischoff's office, who is busy with some sort of paperwork.*

I believe we've got a meeting scheduled, Mr. Bischoff.

*Tyler Black takes a seat in the chair in front of Bischoff's desk.*

Do we?

We do now.

Alright, I only have two questions for you. Second question will be "what do you want", but the first question is simple: Who are you?

Seriously?

Yes, seriously.

Tyler Black, ROH's #1 Contender.

Oh, you're one of the Ring of Honor guys! In that case, what can I do for you?

You can give me a shot at the World Championship here.

You don't just expect me to give you the title, do you?

Hell no. Who do you think I am, Hulk Hogan? I'm asking for an opportunity to earn a match for the World Championship here.

Well, I haven't got any solid plans on the book yet, but considering that you've beaten multiple former World Champions in the past, you'll definitely be in the running for the title shot. Whatever it may end up being. Battle Royale, Tournament, Beat the Clock, whatever.

TCS?

*Black smiles after this one.*

You keep talking about that, and I guarantee you're not gonna get a shot.

Okay, okay. Just call me when you decide on whatever's going on.

Will do. Pleasure doing business with you, Tyler.

*Tyler Black leaves, and Eric Bischoff pushes a button on an intercom.*

Stacy, why did you let him in here?

Well, you didn't tell me not to let anyone in...

*Bischoff looks annoyed at this.*

I...just don't let anyone else in without my permission from now on or I'll fire your ass, okay?

Okay, okay!

*Bischoff facepalms as the camera fades to black.*

[Above Average]

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm4TG56KGZ4
So now then, we have a chanc to throw out promos do we? Well here is one for my client the Mad Russian, Alex Koslov. Let it be known that I did not pay for him to fly over from the former USSR just to be forgotten, in fact, I demand that we see my Multi-Million Dollar member get a title shot and get one soon

Da, i vant to zee goldt aroundt my vaist

[Above Average]

*Raven is sitting on a park bench*

Growing up, I was the kid the bullies picked on. I spent most of my highschool days just trying to avoid getting shoved in a locker. When I decided to pursue a career in pro wrestling, I promised myself that I would never be the victim again.

*Begins walking through the park*

It doesn't matter how big my opponent is. It doesn't matter how bad they are. All that matters is that when I step through those ropes, I am the bully.

*Sits down on a swing*

Jake The Snake Roberts, you're a lot like me. As a matter of fact, I patterned a lot of my career after yours, even using the same finishing move. We are partners on the first show, so I expect you to be at the top of your game.

*Climbs up the jungle gym*

Togi Makabe, Abdullah the Butcher. You two may be heroes, maybe even legends. But make no mistake. Respect and reverence are earned, and so far, you've earned nothing from me.

*Sits on the merry go round*

I plan to show the entire ILWF why I am not to be taken lightly. And will use whatever means are necessary to get the job done. I will have my day in the sun... or I'll die trying.

*Starts to leave, before turning back to face the camera*

Quoth the Raven...

*Walks out of frame*

*Off screen* Nevermore.

*Feed cuts off*

[Above Average]

Scott Hall promo:


Hey Yo Bischoff
So I've got my First Match against Paul London?

Was Orlando Jordan unavailable?

I Am a Legend Eric

I should be Competing against a Fellow Legend instead I've got some Underweight Vanilla Midget

Well I'll tell ya what Eric I'll squash the Boy for ya Just like I'll the Other Jobbers on Thunder but I will expect Compensation Chico

*Throws Toothpick at Camera*

[Above Average]

Eric Bischoff in response:

Vanilla Midget? Scotty, that's the kind of talk that got us run out of business in the first place!!!

Now, Scott, the way I see it, you've got two choices: You can wrestle Paul London, one of the greatest young competitors on the planet. Or, you can lose your job. Now how's THAT sound, "chico"?

[Above Average]

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch:

So we've got some Match against some Mystery Feller

It could be anyone on the Indys or Who's Been in the WWE,WCW,ECW Or even TNA

A beating Heart's pretty Much the Only Requirement

Well whoever it is That Heart's not gonna be beating Long is it Trevor?

Nooooooo Sir That boys gonna be Stuffed and Mounted 4 minutes after that Bell rings

Hogan,Savage,Flair whoever it is Done like Chickenfried Steak

I've always wanted to Hit the Ace of Spades on Ric Flair.................

Heres your Drink sir

*Takes a Drink and Sprays it all Over El Generico who's sitting at a Table across the Room*
You Watered down my Scotch

No I didn't thats Prime Sco

*Murdoch Punches him in the Face knocking him Flat*

What's the World comin too Man can't even buy a Drink without someone tryin to rip him off

Its a damn Shame



*El Generico wanders over*

Now what the Hell do you want?

Ole?

Lance did you hear what that Skinny little Punk said?

What'd he say?

He said Your Momma grills with Propane

You son of a Bitch

I'll kill you

*Cade Bombs Generico through the Bar*

Maybe that'll teach ya

[Above Average]

Scott Hall in response to Eric Bischoff

I'll wrestle him EB and I'll squash him Just like Jericho,Liger and All the other Jobbers on Thunder.

In Under 3 minutes with The Outsiders Edge and still Oozing Machismo.

But don't for a Second think that you can threaten Me I'm a Big time if I can't get Rehired by the The E or even those Fools in Orlando I Can Name my price for Any Indy company I want ''Chico''
*Throws Toothpick in Bischoffs Face*

[Above Average]

*One of the camermen assigned to cover wrestlers is taking a leak, when some mysterious goons jump him with baseball bats. As some shove him into a body bag, a large, hooded, latino member takes a spraycan and tags "VDM" onto the camera lens*[/quote]

Scott Hall: GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT

*A large member of the group hears this*

Copyright laws over here are lax, to say the least.

[Above Average]

*The following song is heard playing on a boombox.*



*Vin Gerard is seen sitting on the stairs outside the arena.*

Once again, I find myself on the outside looking in. Never mind that it's practically below zero out here, the management just doesn't seem to give a rat's ass. And, yet, I just can't seem to bring myself to care what they think.

See, I've been going through some bad times lately. I was stripped of my Young Lions Cup because of that rectal itch Jimmy Olsen once again sticking his ugly little nose in my business. Jimmy, you are officially a non-entity in my mind. This is the big leagues. This is where superstars are born. Superstars the likes of Hulk Hogan. Ric Flair. Steve Austin. And the biggest of 'em all, the man who makes the likes of John Cena and Randy Orton look as bad as you, Jimmy Olsen: Colin Delaney. Jimmy, even if I am still outside the arena, even if I am still bummin' it in alleys or dumpsters, I've still reached a level beyond anything that you'll ever even dream of. Jimmy, you can't even afford to get a ticket into arenas like this. Just by sitting outside of one, I've reached a level you will never attain. But, I've wasted enough of my time on you, Jimmy Olsen. So, whether you try and turn up here as yourself or as the debauchery of a gimmick that is Equinox; if you come here, you will be destroyed.

Now then, on to my opponents, the Voodoo Murders. One of Japan's most famous groups. Guys, I've gotta admit: it's a shame we've gotta meet like this. We'd probably make good allies. After all, everyone in YOUR company despises you with a flaming passion, don't they? See? We've already got something in common. ZODIAC, Doering, TARU, just remember when one of you taps out at my hand, or gets pinned after John Cena's Famous F-U: it's nothing personal. I mean, after all, you're up against CHIKARA's best.

*A random staff member walking up the stairs to the arena chuckles at this.*

And what is so funny about that?

You three are the best CHIKARA's got here? Yea, right. Mike Quackenbush just signed, buddy.

*Vin Gerard begins laughing at this.*

Mike....Mike...Qua....Quacken.....Quack....Quackenbush.....hahahaha!!!!!!

*Gerard suddenly stops laughing.*

You're not kidding, are you?

Nope.

Oh.........damnit. On second thought, whatever. I've still got the reversal to the CHIKARA Special. I've still got STIGMA on my side. Quackenbush can come here if he wants. He'll just be another notch on the path to the top.

*The random intern laughs raucously at this...until Vin Gerard hits him from behind with the boombox.*

Still laughing now, bitch? I didn't think so.

[Above Average]

*The camera cuts to a hallway backstage. Mike Quackenbush is seated on a gray folding chair, staring at the floor. As the camera slowly pulls in closer to his face, he lifts his head showing a kind of grin.*
At first I was thrilled to be here. When I saw the flyers posted around Allentown to promote this show, when I stared at the names on the marquee, my heart skipped a beat. Here was my opportunity to step into the ring with TAKA Michinoku a man who for a time was the FACE of junior wrestling, here was a venue where I could finally have that dream match with Paul London, and this was a ring where I could go hold for hold with Alex Koslov, one of the best youngsters to come out of Skayde's training camps in some time.

-Quack pauses and exhales, looking into the air with a whistful expression as he envisions how the matches would play out.- And then... -He slowly turns his head toward the camera. The expression on his face slowly changes to one of absolute seriousness.-

And then my eyes caught sight of one other name on that poster. It was in small print, in the bottom right corner, barely big enough to see without squinting. That name was Vin Gerard.


VIN GERARD, the same man that for the last year has led a campaign against the tecnicos of Chikara, the same man that's tainted everything that the Young Lions Cup stands for. And I knew Vin Gerard, I KNEW then that I had to get booked here. I called the right numbers, I cleared up dates on my busy schedule, and I saw to it that whenever they call you up for a show that I won't be far behind.

Because in a weird way, Vin, I feel responsible for you. It might have been Chris Hero that unmasked you, it might have been your own lies that caused the tecnicos to turn on you, and everything that transpired thereafter is on your hands. But at the root of the man who'd be Vin Gerard, at the root of Equinox, I'm to blame. You see, when you came to my Tecnico Class on that fateful Tuesday night, claiming to be a legitimate luchador who'd left an upstart promotion in Guadalajara to find work in the United States, right then and there I should have done some background checks, I should have tried to dig up old tapes or tested just how well you spoke spanish. Reckless Youth told me back then, that you were too green to be who you said you were, that we needed to know more about you before we started giving you bookings. But I was unassuming and optimistic about your potential. I spent hours with you on armdrags and rest holds, I taught you how to improve your tope's, and I showed you the intricacies of the Chikara Special. And there isn't a day that goes by, where I don't wonder how things could have been different if I'd only turned you away at the door, or if I'd only asked you to have taken that mask off so that I could have seen your face before it was too late.

-Quack shakes his head slightly.-

That's right, Vin. I was too trusting, and you exploited that. And that's something that I won't ever let happen again. TRUST ME when I tell you, they call me the Man of 1,000 Holds for a reason. And you might know the reversal to the Chikara Special, but that only means there are another 999 ways to stretch you that you don't know how to squirm your way out of.

-He points at the camera as he delivers the last line before it fades to black.-

[Above Average]

Scott Hall:

Vin Diesel? Mike Quackattack?? Eric who are these People?

Wheres Kev?

[Above Average]

The following was recorded after the Roster Draft:

*ILWF on Youtube begins as Eric Bischoff is standing in the ring in the center of the ILWF arena.*

Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time to meet your official ILWF staff and crew! We here at ILWF guarantee you the best in the world, and we've done our best to get you the greatest in every field. And without further ado, introducing your ring announcer. He is THE best of the best, the man who set the bar, ladies and gentlemen...Michael Buffer!

*Michael Buffer makes his way down the ramp and exchanges a handshake with Bischoff, then takes his microphone. Bischoff then leaves the ring.*

It is now time to meet your ILWF commentary team! Introducing first, your Play by Play Announcer...Dave Prazak!

*Dave Prazak makes his way to the table amidst a mixed reaction from the crowd.*

And his partner, your ILWF Color Commentator...














"The Macho Man" Randy Savage!!!!!!

*The crowd explodes as Randy Savage makes his way to the table. He extends his hand for a shake with Prazak, but pulls back at the last second and laughs at him, then sits down.*

It is now time to meet your officiating team! First, on behalf of CHIKARA Pro Wrestling...Bryce Remsburg!

*Bryce walks onto the stage, then begins running to the ring in slow-motion. The crowd begins the "THIS...IS...AWE...SOME..." chant as he makes his way to the ring.*

Next, on behalf of Ring of Honor...Todd Sinclair!

*Sinclair steps out on the ramp, and the visceral reaction is practically instantaneous. He quickly returns to the back to escape the boos.*

And finally, your Senior Official, legendary Japanese official...Joe Higuchi!

*Higuchi makes his way to the ring, exchanges a quick handshake with Bryce Remsburg, and the referees leave the ring and return to the back.*

Ladies and gentlemen, that was your officiating tea.......

*Suddenly, the lights go out for a brief period. When they return, a masked referee is in the ring. Just as suddenly, the lights die, return, and the Masked Referee is gone.*

Your officiating team, ladies and gentlemen...

That's all the time we have at the moment, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in tonight at 10pm EST where the debut of the ILWF interview show will take place.

*Fade to black.*

[Above Average]

Paul Heyman:

Eric Bischoff! I see you've announced the majority of our commentary and officiating squad. However late last night I managed to finalise the contract of the THIRD member of the ILWF announce team. He is the most in the know man in wrestling today. He is a former WCW colour commentator. This man is the smarkiest man in wrestling - he is....



MARK MADDEN!

Eric Bischoff:

Oh, yes, how could I forget about Madden? With that, the team is complete.

[Above Average]

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch:

I Pinned Shawn Michaels LIVE On RAW how many of these Indy Hacks can say the same?

If we're not Already in put us in the Tag Tourney Mr. Bitschoff[/quote]