Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 18:54:56 GMT -5
Up next is the Royal Rumble match! 30 men, one winner, the opportunity of a lifetime!
Joey Styles joining Michael Cole for this one, as the Road to WrestleMania begins right here, right now!
Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the Royal Rumble match!
However, before we begin, please welcome, by order of the WWE Shareholders, the third member of the commentary team for this match…
Huh?
Oh… yeah…
SAY IT TO MY FACE!
Say It to My Face
Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Alex Riley!
Riley makes his way to the announce table, a big grin on his face. He sits down and puts on his headset.
Greetings Cole! Joey, how ya doin’?
Alex.
So, McClain send you back out here to make sure we talk nice about the boss man?
Well, I would hope you’d know better than to badmouth the man signing your check, but it IS you, after all…
Whatever. Let’s just get this nightmare over with.
Now ladies and gentlemen, the rules of this match are as follows. The entrants who drew numbers one and two will enter and the match will begin. Every two minutes afterwards, another Superstar will enter the match, according to the number they drew. A Superstar is eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, with both feet hitting the floor. The last man remaining, after all 30 have entered, will be declared the winner, and will go on to earn a WWE Championship match at WrestleMania 30!
Here we go! MAN, I’m excited!
Now, introducing the Superstar who drew number one…
THREE AIN'T ENOUGH MAN, I NEED FIVE!
Introducing first, from Nightmareville, USA, weighing in at 290 pounds, he is the WWE United States Champion, Big E. Langston!
Well, Smackdown’s US Champion starting things off tonight.
A tough break. While winning from the first five positions isn’t outright impossible, it’s still pretty damn difficult.
And now, the Superstar who drew number two…
Broken Out In Love
WHAT?!
From The Promised Land, weighing in at 295 pounds, he is the Chairman AND Majority Owner of the WWE, Bray Wyatt!
The entire Wyatt Family make their way to the ring.
No way! That can’t be right!
It was a random draw, outside of the RRP…
Good to see even Big Fat Bray isn’t above the drawing.
Wyatt rolls into the ring, not looking too worried about his spot. He and Langston face off as the bell rings.
And the 2014 Royal Rumble match is underway!
Langston shoves Wyatt. Wyatt steps back, a grin on his face. He raises his arms and The Ryback climbs up on the apron.
Oh now come on! What is Ryback doing?
Enforcing, Cole.
Langston turns to see Ryback on the apron. He challenges him to enter the ring, but Wyatt comes up behind him and delivers a double sledge across the back. He tries to toss Langston quickly, but Big E. clutches the top rope with one hand, while using the free arm to knock Wyatt back.
Ryback’s distraction not enough to help Bray score the quick elimination, though.
Langston kicks Bray in the gut, then shoots him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Big E. connects with a big clothesline. Wyatt staggers into the ropes, as James and Madsen run over to the opposite side of the ring.
Wyatt could be in trouble here!
Langston approaches and delivers a series of kicks to Wyatt, then attempts to hoist him over the top rope. James and Madsen climb up on the apron and try to push Wyatt back in, as Ryback rolls in the ring.
Hey, what’s Ryback doing in the ring?!
Ryback clubs Langston across the back, then lifts him up and delivers a back suplex.
There ya go, Ryback! Punish him!
Wyatt stands and raises his arms. Enzo, James, and Madsen all enter the ring as well.
This doesn’t look good for the US Champ…
The Wyatts put the boots to Big E. as Bray slumps down in the corner, watching. James and Madsen pull Langston up so Enzo can hit the Sword of Damocles.
Langston’s getting what he deserves! Only one man will win the Rumble, and that man is Big E. Langston!
They hold him up again as Ryback readies his arm…
And we know what’s coming next…
MEAT HOOK!
Big E. turned inside out and Bray Wyatt has complete control of the Royal Rumble!
Wyatt rises, cackling, as the crowd boos. He orders James and Madsen to hold Langston up again. Ryback goes back to the corner and readies for a second Meat Hook, as the timer appears on the TitanTron…
10!
9!
8!
Well, we know who’s coming next…
7!
6!
5!
Determined through the Royal Rumble Preliminaries on Smackdown…
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Into The Shadows
Oh my god, it’s Leo Kruger!
Kruger slowly makes his way to the ring, in no hurry to join the action. Ryback charges, but Langston meets him with a boot to the gut! He then breaks free and double clothesline’s Madsen and James to the mat!
Langston fighting back!
Langston pulls both men up and tosses them over the top!
Somebody stop him!
Ryback grabs Big E., who spins around and nails him with a right hand, then clothesline’s him over the top rope!
There may not be ANY stopping the US Champion right now!
Enzo jumps on Langston’s back, but Big E. flips him onto the mat! He then lifts him up and tosses him over the ropes, into the arms of James and Madsen, sending all three men tumbling to the floor!
And Big E. cleans house on the Wyatt Family!
Langston turns his attention to Wyatt, who backs off. Langston comes towards him, as Kruger rolls into the ring.
And Kruger finally joins the action here…
Wyatt raises his arms, but Langston quickly spins around. Kruger backs off, but Wyatt nails Langston from behind with a running ax handle! Langston staggers forward, Wyatt with another shot to the back, dropping the US Champ to one knee. He then kick’s Langston in the ribs, bringing the Champion down.
Wyatt again gaining control against Langston, as Kruger does the smartest thing he can and just hangs back.
Wyatt pulls Langston up by the neck and hooks him in a front facelock, before twisting him into a neckbreaker! Wyatt kneels at Langston’s head and cackles maniacally. Kruger has slouched down in the corner and simply watches the match unfold.
Bray Wyatt’s in complete control, guys! I told you, he’s the man who’s going to WrestleMania!
Bray stands up and runs the ropes, looking for the Answered Prayer, but Langston gets his knees up!
Apparently, you spoke too soon, Riley!
Wyatt rolls on the mat, clutching his back, as Kruger pulls himself up and begins stomping away at Wyatt!
Kruger, no! Think about what you’re doing!
Kruger continues to stomp and kick Wyatt until the CEO rolls out of the ring.
Wyatt to the outside, but he is NOT eliminated, folks…
Kruger turns as Langston is back to his feet. The two men stare each other down, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
I don't care what you think of me!
I don't care what you think you are!
I don't care what you think about anymore!
I won't be what you want me to be...
Every night belongs to me...
BELONGS TO ME!!!
Adrian Neville saunters out from the back, looking quite smug.
Well, here comes Adrian Neville, who left Smackdown for what he believes are the greener pastures of Raw and Colace Management Services.
Well, so far he’s undefeated on Raw, Joey. Better than what he was doing under your thumb.
As Neville makes his way down the ramp, Kruger throws the first punch against Langston! Langston fires back, then grabs Kruger and tries to toss him! Leo holds on to the top rope as he goes over and slides back in, only to get knocked down by a Langston punch!
Kruger avoiding elimination right there, but still meets the wrath of Big E’s fist!
As Neville makes his way up the steps, James and Madsen have set up Bray’s rocking chair in front of the announce table.
And Bray deciding to take it easy here…
Hey, he works hard running this company, Joey! He deserves the breather!
But does he have to block our view of the ring?!
Neville climbs to the top rope, as Langston turns to face him. Neville turns around, so his back is to the ring, then backflip’s off the top rope. Langston looks unimpressed.
There’s the athleticism of Adrian Neville right there!
If only the WWE Universe was as impressed as you are, Michael…
Neville poses, but Langston nails him with a kick to the gut. He shoots him into the ropes, Neville ducks under a clothesline. Langston turns and charges, Neville leap frog’s him, then springboard’s off the top rope, landing on his feet…
And get’s nailed by a big boot from Kruger!
KILLJOY!
Langston nods at Kruger, then charges him! Kruger catches him on the way by and tries to fling him over the top, but Langston holds on and rolls back in. Kruger with stomps and kicks, but Langston fights back to his feet and body check’s Kruger to the mat!
Langston has been a house of fire so far, withstanding the Wyatt Family, Leo Kruger, and Adrian Neville’s acrobatics.
Yeah, but he’ll tire out soon enough, Joey. Nobody can go nonstop for over an hour. Even Ric Flair took breathers.
Langston pulls Neville up and sends him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Big E. nails him with a clothesline! Neville goes down but nip’s back up to his feet immediately! He poses, taunting the crowd…
Before flopping back to the mat.
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Siva Tau
AND WHEN I SAY "UUUUUUUSSSSSSS", Y'ALL SAY "OOOOOOO!!!"
UUUUUUUSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
"OOOOOOO!!!!!"
*BANG*
So Close Now
And here comes Jimmy Uso, the man who has been Big E’s fiercest rival for the United States Championship thus far.
Uso comes running down the aisle and slides into the ring. He and Langston get face to face, but before either can throw a punch, they see Kruger getting to his feet.
Are they gonna fight? Or will we actually see them work together?
Uso and Langston look at Kruger, then back at each other. Uso offers his hand.
Langston takes it.
And there’s your answer.
Both men turn to face Kruger. Kruger goes for Uso, but Langston cuts him off with a clothesline! He pulls him up, Langston and Uso shoot Kruger into the ropes. As Kruger bounces back, they meet him with a double back elbow. Langston splashes Kruger, followed by an Uso leg drop.
Some nice teamwork thus far by Uso and Langston.
Neville suddenly nips up and charges Uso. Jimmy ducks a clothesline, but Neville springs off the middle rope, lands next to Uso, chop! He delivers a second chop, then shoots Jimmy into the ropes. As Jimmy bounces back, Neville goes for a clothesline, but Uso ducks it, then rebounds off the opposite side with a diving clothesline!
And down goes Adrian Neville!
Bray Wyatt continues to rock back and forth at ringside as the action continues in the ring. Jimmy pulls Neville up and slings him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Jimmy catches him by the hair and flings him over the top. Neville lands on the apron, then springboard’s off the top rope, over Uso, landing on his feet. Langston is standing right in front of him, Neville with a chop! Langston glares at him as he delivers another chop.
Yeah, I’m thinking it’s time to go to plan B, Adrian.
Langston just stares at Neville. Neville goes for a third chop, but Langston blocks it and belly-to-belly suplex’s Neville! Kruger is back up, he clubs Uso from behind as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
Well, no need to speculate on this one…
7!
6!
5!
4!
Yeah, thanks to the Royal Rumble Preliminaries, we know who it is.
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
One Step Closer
Santino Marella comes running down the ramp. In the ring, Kruger tries to throw Uso out, but is blocked with an elbow, then a double chop. As Kruger backs off, Jimmy nails him with a superkick!
Uso nearly took Kruger’s head off!
Santino slides into the ring and goes right after Neville, who’s just getting to his feet. He assaults him with punches and kicks, then fires him into the corner. As Neville hit’s the buckles, Santino charges, delivering a big splash!
Santino taking the fight to Neville, this doesn’t look good for the star of Colace!
As Neville staggers out of the corner, Santino nails the Cobra! Down goes Neville! Jimmy spins Santino around, only to get nailed with the Cobra as well! Langston then charges Santino, who ducks a clothesline. He goes for the Cobra, but Big E. blocks it, then back suplex’s him!
But Langston just stopped Santino’s momentum dead!
At ringside, Wyatt and Ryback can occasionally be seen having conversations about the action in the ring.
Langston looks down at Santino, but gets nailed from behind by Kruger. Leo shoots Langston into the ropes, as he rebounds, Kruger hit’s a big boot! Langston staggers back into the ropes, Kruger tries to toss him! Big E. holds on, though, and kicks him back!
Kruger tries to get Langston out, but unable to do so!
Big E. grabs Kruger, powerslam! Neville is back up, he charges Langston, ducks a clothesline…
And does a cartwheel!
What a guy!
Neville celebrates his achievement, but when he turns around, Uso Samoan drop’s him!
Unfortunately, Neville’s cockiness is proving to be his biggest weakness…
Santino back up, he ties up with Uso as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Shrine
Tensai walks down the ramp, followed by Mick Foley.
Here comes Tensai!
Mick Foley’s been guiding his career as of late, will the Hardcore Legend be able to lead Tensai to a victory?
In the ring, Langston pulls Kruger up and throws him in the corner. Neville lays on the mat near the ropes, while Santino and Uso battle against the ropes. Santino tries to get Uso out, but Jimmy hangs on and chop’s Santino overhead, forcing him back. Jimmy goes for a superkick, but Santino ducks it, then dropkick’s Uso, knocking him to the mat! Tensai enters the ring…
Well, this should be interesting…
Santino charges Tensai, hammering him with punches, but when he tries to shoot him into the ropes, Tensai reverses it. As Santino bounces back, Tensai catches him in fall away slam position, but instead carries him over to the ropes and drops him on the apron.
Well, I would’ve expected Tensai to throw him out…
As Santino gets to his feet, Tensai bicycle kick’s him, knocking him to the floor!
SANTINO MARELLA IS ELIMINATED!
Well, there you go.
Tensai turns around, as Neville is back up. He sees Tensai, then runs the ropes, springs off, and does a backflip.
I’m sure Tensai is very impressed…
Tensai drops Neville with a headbutt!
Told ya.
Tensai then grabs Uso and delivers a second head butt. He then flings Jimmy over the top rope, but Uso lands on the apron. Tensai turns his back to roar at the crowd.
Tensai tosses Uso, but I don’t think Tensai realizes he landed on the apron!
Tensai raises his arms in the air, but when he turns around, Uso has reentered the ring. Tensai charges, but Uso ducks. As Tensai turns around, Jimmy superkick’s him, sending him over the top rope to the arena floor!
TENSAI IS ELIMINATED!
WOW! OK, I was NOT expecting Tensai to go out that fast.
The Wyatts all look surprised at Tensai’s sudden elimination, as does Foley. In the ring, Neville tries to toss Uso, but gets knocked back. He quickly nip’s up though, and chop’s Uso. He shoots him into the ropes, leap frog as he bounces back, Uso rebounds off the opposite side, Neville with a leg lariat! Uso goes down!
Wow, I wasn’t expecting Neville to actually score an offensive move.
Neville goes up to the top rope and does a backflip.
I was, however, expecting that…
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
National Anthem
Percy Watson makes his way to the ring.
On Raw this past week, Watson somehow found a way to beat Sheamus and retain the Intercontinental Championship…
Neville does a cartwheel as he waits for Watson, while Langston works over Kruger in the corner. Uso lays on the mat, catching his breath. As Watson enters the ring, Neville has ascended to the top rope. He does another backflip, not knowing Watson has already entered. When he lands, Percy grabs him and hit’s the John Rockefeller Driver!
Watson drilled Neville!
Percy pulls Neville up and tosses him, but Neville has the presence of mind to grab the top rope! He skins the cat, but instead of reentering, he hangs on and starts doing pull-ups!
Man, is there anything Adrian Neville CAN’T do?!
As he does his pull-ups, Watson walks over and punches him right on his head! Neville drops to the floor!
ADRIAN NEVILLE IS ELIMINATED!
Apparently, winning the Royal Rumble is a challenge for him, Cole.
Watson turns back to the ring as Uso is back up. Jimmy goes for a clothesline, Watson ducks it, Uso back off the ropes, but Percy catches him and tosses him over! Jimmy lands on the apron, Watson goes for a big boot, but Uso ducks and Percy gets caught up on the top rope!
Percy in no man’s land!
Uso steps back in the ring and chop’s Watson, but before he can try to toss him, Kruger hit’s him from behind with a double sledge shot. He pulls him away, then fires him into the corner, clothesline! Watson pulls himself back in, only for Kruger to drill him with a big boot!
Wow, Kruger just stepped it up.
Langston goes for a spear, but Kuger leap frog’s him, then dropkick’s him! Langston goes down! Kruger surveys the damage as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
You Look Fly 2 Day
Wait a minute…
Kruger looks towards the ramp in shock as RIKISHI walks out!
OH MY GOD! It’s Rikishi!
Kruger’s shock wears off as he goes over and starts stomping away at Uso as he tries to get to his feet. Rikishi enters the ring and immediately club’s Kruger from behind! He sends him into the ropes, Samoan drop! Kruger pulls himself up, Rikishi shoots him into the corner! Uso up, Rikishi shoots his son into the corner, Uso leaps up and rotates, crashing butt first into Kruger! Kruger slumps down!
Well, this certainly doesn’t look good…
Rikishi eyes Kruger’s position as the crowd cheers. He tries to get Jimmy to do the Stink Face, but Jimmy refuses. Rikishi shrugs, then lays it in on Kruger!
OH MY! Kruger getting a face full of stink!
Uso looks embarrassed as Rikishi pulls Kruger up and tosses him over the top to the floor.
LEO KRUGER IS ELIMINATED!
And there goes Kruger!
Rikishi starts clapping his hands and the crowd quickly joins in. Watson is back up and he also joins. Uso looks reluctant, but Rikishi rallies the crowd behind his son. Langston hangs back, wanting no part. Watson and Uso stand on either side of Rikishi and fold their arms in front of them. Rikishi tries to get Langston to join in, but to no avail.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Big E. Langston is the only one in there with any common sense!
Rikishi is undeterred, however, pulling out a pair of sunglasses. He places them on Langston’s head, which causes the US Champ to undergo a transformation.
Ah, but nobody can resist the mighty magic sunglasses of funk!
Rikishi takes his spot, as Langston also gets in position…
You Look Fly 2 Day
All four men begin dancing! At first, they stick to the basic Too Cool routine, with Percy doing The Worm. Uso incorporates the Siva Tau, as Langston moonwalks. The crowd is into it, but The Wyatts storm the ring, attacking all four men!
Oh come on! They were just having a bit of fun!
Ryback lays out Watson with the Meat Hook, while Enzo directs Madsen and James in attacking Uso and Langston. Bray then enters the ring.
No time for fun in the Royal Rumble, Joey!
Bray instructs the Family to attack Rikishi as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Day of Death
Charlie Haas walks out, but wisely takes his time getting to the ring…
The Wyatt Family beat Rikishi down to the mat. Madsen and James hold him up, Enzo with a front dropkick! Rikishi falls to the mat, James and Madsen pull him up again, double Russian leg sweep!
Get him! Show him what happens when you try to have fun in the Royal Rumble!
Watson and Langston start to move, only for James and Madsen to take them out with boots to the head!
This is ridiculous! Bray Wyatt is the only one who’s actually in the match!
Ryback readies himself, as Madsen and James pull the big man up…
MEAT HOOK!
Rikishi being dissected here!
Uso tries to aid his dad, only to get kicked in the head by Amore. Wyatt then instructs them to finish off Rikishi. They drag him over to the top rope and begin lifting. Wyatt joins in and the five men dump Rikishi!
RIKISHI IS ELIMINATED!
The Wyatts show off their strength in numbers by eliminating the man who could have been an easy favorite to win it all…
The Wyatt Family exit the ring and Bray returns to his rocker. Haas slowly rolls in the ring, and upon seeing that everyone is down…
He jumps up and down, proclaiming that he’s a winner.
Is this guy for real?
Unfortunately, yes.
Haas continues his celebration as the timer appears once again…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Hall of Pain
Haas gulps as Henry steps out.
And we just saw every bit of confidence leave Haas’ body in record time.
Henry approaches the ring, as Haas looks for places to hide. He tries to exit the ring, but The Wyatts block his path!
Oh come on! Why are they still out here?!
Henry enters the ring. With nowhere to run, Haas charges, hammering Henry with punches and kicks. He then runs the ropes, only to bounce back into a clothesline! At this point, Watson, Uso, and Langston have all made it back to their feet.
Henry may be in for a fight now!
Uso charges Henry, only to eat a clothesline! Watson charges, Henry lays him out with another clothesline! Langston charges in, Henry goes for yet another clothesline, but Langston ducks it! He rebounds off the ropes, flying shoulder tackle! Henry staggers, Langston off the ropes, a second shoulder tackle!
Henry in trouble, now! He’s teetering dangerously close to the ropes!
Langston hit’s a third shoulder tackle, knocking Henry through the ropes! He lands on the floor in front of the Wyatt Family. Ryback goes to attack, but is stopped by Bray. In the ring, Haas sneaks up behind Langston and tries to toss him! Big E. hangs on and rolls back in under the bottom rope.
Haas better think of something that’ll actually work and quick!
As Langston gets to his feet, Haas kicks him in the ribs. He pulls him up and hooks him, suplex!
Well, that might work.
Uso is back up now, he club’s Haas across the back. Watson is also back to his feet and he goes after Langston, pulling him up and dragging him to the ropes. Uso sends Haas into the ropes, catching off the rebound with a Samoan drop! On the outside, Henry is getting to his feet. Wyatt rises and walks over to him.
Hang on, what’s going to happen here?!
As Watson works over Langston, Wyatt is whispering something to Henry, who occasionally nods. Wyatt pats him on the back as Henry rolls back in.
So what was that about?
…What? Don’t look at me.
Henry flattens Uso with a running splash, then pulls Haas up and scoop slam’s him! He grabs Percy from behind, clothesline! As Watson goes down, Henry fires Langston into the ropes, Spinebuster!
Whatever Wyatt said, it lit a fire under The World’s Strongest Man!
Henry looks down at Wyatt, who nods approvingly as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
And here we.... go.
Silent Voices
And here comes the leader of The Disease, one half of the Switchblade Conspiracy, a former WWE Hardcore Champion, Dean Ambrose!
Ambrose walks slowly down the aisle, in no hurry to face Henry one on one.
Ambrose taking his time, which is smart. No need to rush in and get winded early.
Henry challenges Ambrose to get in the ring, but Dean just smirks as he reaches ringside. Instead of entering the ring, he leans back against the barricade and slumps down.
OK, for those keeping track, we currently have seven men who are legally in the match. Mark Henry, who’s laid waste to Charlie Haas, Jimmy Uso, Big E. Langston, and Percy Watson. Bray Wyatt is sitting in a rocking chair at ringside, and Dean Ambrose is sitting on the arena floor, since he hasn’t even entered yet.
As Henry continues to taunt Ambrose, Watson nails him from behind with a double sledge shot! As Henry is caught off guard, Watson grabs him around the waist and tries to drag him to the ropes. Henry is able to find his footing, however, and knocks Watson to the mat. But before he can follow up, Uso hit’s a superkick! Henry falls back against the ropes as Haas, Watson, and Langston all join Uso in trying to eliminate the big man!
Henry’s in trouble! It’s four on one!
The four men push, trying to send Henry over, but Mark is able to knock them all back.
The combined effort not enough, however.
Langston is back up and he charges Henry. As the two biggest men in the ring trade shots, Haas attempts to dump Uso. Jimmy hangs onto the top rope, however, and knocks Haas back with a chop. He then climbs to the top rope and proceeds to take out both Haas AND Watson with a double overhead chop!
Uso gets two for the price of one!
Jimmy pulls Haas up and throws him over, but the Slammy Award winner hangs on and pulls himself back in. Jimmy measures Watson for a super kick, but Percy ducks it, then brings Jimmy down with a full nelson slam! The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Chris Is Awesome
Chris Hero makes his way down the ramp.
Well, the Royal Rumble needed a hero and who better than Chris Hero?
As Hero gets to ringside, Ambrose shoves him, then punches him in the back of the head, knocking him to the floor!
Clearly Ambrose thinks the last thing we needed was Hero…
Ambrose stomps away at Hero, then goes to fire him into the ring steps, but Hero reverses it! Ambrose goes flying over the steps! In the ring, Watson has Uso teetering on the edge, but Haas comes over and rakes Watson’s eyes, forcing a break. On the opposite side of the ring, Henry tries to eliminate Langston, but the United States Champion is able to hang on.
We’ve got action in the ring and action outside the ring!
At ringside, Hero pulls Ambrose up and ram’s his head into the ringpost. He rolls him back in, then follows him.
And Ambrose and Hero both enter the ring for the first time in the match!
Hero pulls Ambrose up and tosses him over, but Ambrose lands on the apron. Hero turns his attention to Uso, not realizing that Ambrose has survived. Dean lays on the apron, as the remaining men fight it out. Henry sends Langston into the corner, then charges, but Big E. moves! Henry into the turnbuckles hard!
Langston’s been in there since the beginning, but he’s still got plenty of gas left, it seems…
Hero chop’s Uso, then fires him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Hero leap frog’s him. Uso off the rebound, Hero with a Japanese arm drag! Haas and Watson struggle for position near the ropes, as Hero pulls himself up and prepares to strike…
What does Hero have in mind for Jimmy Uso?
We never find out, because Ambrose grabs Hero from behind and throws him over the top! Hero lands on the apron, but Ambrose punch’s him in the face, knocking him to the floor!
CHRIS HERO IS ELIMINATED!
And Ambrose gets the last laugh, tossing Chris Hero from this match!
Hero looks up at Ambrose, seething. Ambrose just smirks as he slinks around the ring, trying to avoid a confrontation. The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
So what number are we up to?
7!
6!
Fourteen, I think.
5!
4!
3!
Well, no guesswork required here, as determined by the Royal Rumble Preliminaries…
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
My Time Is Now
Here comes last year’s winner, John Cena!
Cena runs down the aisle and dives into the ring. He unloads with punches to Uso, then to Haas. Watson charges, Cena ducks, off the ropes, shoulder tackle! Percy up, Cena with a second shoulder tackle! Uso spins Cena around, but Cena ducks a clothesline, then hit’s the spinout powerbomb!
John Cena has arrived, ladies and gentlemen!
Cena leans over Uso…
YOU CAN’T SEE ME!
Five Knuckle Shuffle! Cena waits for Uso to get to his feet, but Haas charges! Cena catches him on his shoulders, but Henry kicks him in the gut, forcing him to let Haas down. Ambrose sneaks around on the apron, trying to stay unnoticed, while Henry scoops Cena up, slam!
Cena has fallen into the clutches of the World’s Strongest Man…
Henry off the ropes, but Cena rolls out of the way of the splash! He gets to his feet, but Watson intercepts him and slam’s him back down. He stands over Cena, “makes it rain,” then comes off the ropes…
OH YEAH!
Showtime Splash!
Percy looks down at Cena, but Haas runs up behind him, grabs him, and throws him over the top rope to the floor!
PERCY WATSON IS ELIMINATED!
And Showtime’s over!
Haas celebrates, but when he turns around, he comes face-to-face with Mark Henry. But before they can tie up, Uso and Langston butt in, Langston going after Haas, while Uso takes on Henry. Langston rocks Haas with punches, then sends him to the mat with a clothesline. Uso chop’s Henry, as Cena gets to his feet. Cena with shots to the World’s Strongest Man, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Well…?
I am a mountain
I am a tall tree ohh
I am a swift wind sweeping the country
WHAT?!
World's Greatest
It’s LANCE MOTHERFUCKING ACTION!
But he’s not even in this match!
~Commentary about the earlier match~
Action runs down the ramp and dives into the ring. Everyone just stares at him, but then he shoves Uso. He follows that up by shoving Haas, then he slap’s Mark Henry.
Well. That…
Henry drills Action with a clothesline!
…Wasn’t smart.
Henry, Cena, Langston, Haas, and Uso pull Action up and throw him over the top! As Action hit’s the mat…
Celebration.
OK, what?
Brad Maddox runs out!
I…I have no idea what’s going on.
Maddox dives into the ring and tackles Cena! Haas and Langston pair off again, as do Uso and Henry. Maddox tries to toss Cena, but…
No way!
All eyes again turn to the stage as SCOTT HALL walks out!
OH MY GOD! It’s Scott Hall!
Hall saunters down the aisle as the crowd goes nuts. Maddox is furious!
NO! This is MY Rumble spot!
As Maddox screams at Hall, Cena flings him over the top rope! Maddox is screaming back and forth at Cena and Hall now, but Hall fakes a punch at Maddox, who scurries up the ramp!
Would the REAL number fifteen please stand up?
Hall enters the ring. Cena offers a high five, which Hall accepts, then he begins unloading on Cena with punches!
So… Scott Hall is in the Royal Rumble?
Sure, let’s go with that.
Works for me.
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
We're leaving together...
The Final Countdown
The crowd erupts as Bryan Danielson steps out on stage!
Here comes the former WWE Champion!
At ringside, Wyatt whispers something to Ryback as Danielson makes his way to the ring. In the ring, Hall sends Cena into the ropes, off the rebound, he catches him with a fall away slam! Uso chop’s Henry, then comes off the ropes with a flying clothesline! Henry is staggered and Uso tries to dump him!
Can Jimmy Uso eliminate The World’s Strongest Man?!
Haas and Langston run over to help Uso, as Danielson rolls in the ring. Ambrose is crouched on the apron, watching the match. Danielson sees him, reaches over, grabs him by the hair, and pulls him over the top into the ring!
Oh hey, Dean Ambrose is still in the match.
Henry fights off the assault by Uso, Haas, and Langston, sending all three men to the mat. Danielson pulls Ambrose up, chop! He shoots him into the ropes. As Ambrose bounces back, Danielson back body drop’s him. Hall now faces down Henry, as Cena is pulling himself up.
Hall and Henry face to face, what’s going to happen here?
Henry goes for a clothesline, Hall ducks, rapid fire punches by Hall! Henry staggers back, Cena comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle! Henry falls against the ropes and Hall and Cena try to eliminate the big man. Meanwhile, Haas works over Uso, while Langston watches Danielson work Ambrose in the corner with kicks.
We’re past the halfway point here, Big E. Langston has been in the ring for nearly half an hour!
So’s Bray!
No, Bray was in the ring for about five minutes, the rest he’s spent with his fat ass in that rocking chair!
Hall and Cena have Henry rocking, but Mark is able to fight back. Langston joins them, but it’s still not enough. He throws them back, as Haas brings Uso down with a belly-to-belly suplex. Danielson brings Ambrose out of the corner, then hit’s a running knee to the face! Ambrose falls to the mat as the timer appears…
10!
9!
Well, up next another competitor determined through the Royal Rumble Preliminaries…
8!
7!
6!
5!
Oh boy, like Henry’s not bad enough, guess who’s next!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
WEEEEEEEEEELLLLL... It's the Big Show!
Crank It Up
The Big Show lumbers down the ramp.
Well, this certainly poses a problem for everyone else in the ring…
As Show enters, Danielson is the first to strike, attacking with kicks before Show can even step over the top rope. He manages to swat Danielson away, but Cena is next to attack. As Show gets in the ring, Cena hit’s a shoulder tackle, causing Show to stagger back. He goes for a second tackle, but Show knocks him back as well!
Neither Danielson nor Cena can take The Big Show down!
Hall and Langston try to double team Show, but are taken down with a double clothesline! Henry then steps forward.
And here we go! The two behemoths about to slug it out!
The two prepare to lock up, but Brad Maddox comes running down the aisle!
Not this idiot again!
Maddox dives into the ring, getting in the faces of Henry and Show. The two look at Maddox, then at one another, then grab Maddox and fling him over the top ! Uso, Haas, Ambrose, and Hall go after Henry, while Cena, Danielson, and Langston attack Show.
Well, so much for the Clash of the Titans, but the other guys are being smart by teaming up to get rid of the big guys.
Uso and Haas take turns chopping Henry. Hall fires off some punches, but Ambrose hangs back, getting in an occasional kick while the others do most of the work. Meanwhile, Danielson kicks Show in the legs, trying to wear him down. Cena fires off shots to the ribs, stepping back at times to allow Langston to get a shot in. At ringside, The Wyatts look on.
The CEO remains content to simply observe the action, rather than actually compete…
Hey, it’s called strategy, Joey! Why should he tire himself out? Let some guys get eliminated, then come in and clean house.
Hall, Haas, and Uso lift Henry up and Ambrose joins in the shoving, but Henry knocks them all back. Ambrose quickly goes after Uso, kicking him as he tries to get to his feet. Henry goes over and grabs Cena, then drives him into the mat with a powerslam. Show is able to fight Danielson and Langston off, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
A Global Force
John Laurinaitis walks out, Sheamus following behind him. Show knocks Langston and Danielson back!
Well, Laurinaitis has to be considered a dark horse in this year’s Rumble, guys…
Dark horse? That’s generous, isn’t it?
Laurinaitis looks confident as he enters the ring. He goes right up behind Hall, who is jabbing Haas in the corner, and rakes his back. Hall turns, Laurinaitis quickly backs into the opposite corner. Hall comes after him, kick, kick, punch! He then lifts Big Johnny up and tosses him over the top rope!
And so much for Big John-
Ha! Sheamus caught him!
Sheamus rolls Big Johnny back under the ropes.
Well, he last longer than ten seconds, maybe he does have a chance.
Laurinaitis grips the bottom rope, as Hall turns back to Haas. Cena goes to work on Big E. Langston, as Big Show grabs Ambrose and tosses him into the corner. He rams his weight into him, pausing to rest while still crushing Ambrose behind his girth.
Big Show content to just hold Ambrose there for now…
Uso chop’s Hall, then fires him into the ropes. Hall off the rebound, into an Uso Samoan Drop! Cena tries to hoist Big E. up for the FU, but Langston fights out of it, clothesline to Cena! Henry clubs Big E. from behind, then drives him into the turnbuckle.
The ever-present threats of Mark Henry and Big Show still loom over everyone involved in this match…
Danielson tries to pull Big Johnny off the ropes, but a punch from Sheamus stops him. Big Johnny takes advantage, shoving Danielson down and choking him!
Meanwhile, Laurinaitis taking the low road…
At least he’s actually in the ring, unlike SOME people…
Bray Wyatt continues to rock in his chair as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Terminal Woman
Here we go! My number two pick to win it! After Bray Wyatt, of course.
This past Wednesday night on Raw, Kaitlyn qualified for the Royal Rumble, and she’s drawn a pretty good spot here. I wouldn’t surprised if she did go on to win it all…
Kaitlyn walks out, minus Eve.
Well, she may have to do it on her own…
In the ring, Henry hammers Langston down in the corner. Show continues to rest, using Dean Ambrose as his cushion. Uso is trying to eliminate Scott Hall, while Laurinaitis assaults Danielson, with the help of Sheamus.
Well, Kaitlyn’s doing the smart thing, not rushing into it…
Slowly, Kaitlyn climbs up onto the ring apron. Cena tries to eliminate Haas, who elbows him back. Kaitlyn steps between the ropes, then quickly rolls back out of the ring and crawls under the apron.
Wait, where’d Kaitlyn go?!
Kaitlyn hiding under the rin-
KAITLYN IS A WIZARD!
…
Danielson is able to fight off Laurinaitis and Sheamus, but when he tries to toss Big Johnny over, Sheamus catches him and slides him back in again. Henry tries to eliminate Langston, but Big E. hangs on.
Big E. Langston has been in the ring for almost forty minutes!
Wyatt watches Henry, who continues to pummel Langston. Uso chop’s Hall, but a clothesline attempt almost sends Jimmy over the top rope instead! Jimmy hangs on and pulls himself back in, but Hall plants him with a DDT! Haas has Cena in the ropes, but Cena kicks Charlie back, then hit’s the Throwback!
We are about two thirds of the way through, as number twenty is about to enter shortly…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Brad Maddox runs out again!
Oh boy, here we go…
Maddox gets to the ring, but Kaitlyn crawls out and spear’s him on the ramp!
SPEAR! SPEAR BY KAITLYN!
Kaitlyn taunts Maddox…
Glamazon
Kaitlyn’s eyes go wide.
OH MY GOD! IT’S BETH PHOENIX!
Beth walks down the ramp, Kaitlyn looks terrified.
Former friends, but something tells me Beth is the last person Kaitlyn wanted to see right now.
Kaitlyn crawls back under the ring, as Beth calmly approaches. In the ring, the battle rages on. Beth crawls under after Kaitlyn, who comes up the other side just in time to spot Beth going under. She rolls into the ring and waits by the ropes for Beth.
Kaitlyn may be thinking ambush…
But as she waits, Beth comes back out from the side she crawled under on!
But wait! Beth tricked Kaitlyn!
Beth smiles as she rolls in and sneaks up on Kaitlyn. She taps her on the shoulder. Kaitlyn turns around, Beth clothesline’s her over the top rope and to the floor!
KAITLYN IS ELIMINATED!
Are you kidding me?! She was my number two pick!
Beth looks down at Kaitlyn and shakes her head. She turns around, but Henry plants her with a Spinebuster!
Spinebuster! Beth’s back may be broken!
Beth lies in pain on the mat as Bray rises from his rocker. He slowly walks up the steps as the timer appears…
10!
9!
See, Cole? Here comes Wyatt! I told you he was just biding his time…
8!
7!
Number twenty one on his way, no secret here.
6!
5!
4!
By finishing third in the Royal Rumble Preliminaries…
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
GOD SAVE OUR QUEEN!
Rebel Son
Wade Barrett walks out, looking very smug. Bray enters the ring and pats Henry on the shoulder. He then pulls Beth up and tosses her out.
BETH PHOENIX IS ELIMINATED!
Danielson has Laurinaitis in the corner, he goes for a clothesline, but Big Johnny moves! Danielson crashes into the buckles, as Barrett enters the ring. He grabs Danielson and plants him with a powerslam, then takes Jimmy Uso, snap suplex!
Barrett wasting no time going to work here.
Hall spins Barrett around, punches to the Brit! He goes to shoot him into the ropes, but Wade reverses it. As Hall hit’s the ropes, he hooks his arms over to stop himself, but Wade charges and clothesline’s him over!
SCOTT HALL IS ELIMINATED!
Barrett eliminates Hall!
At ringside, Sheamus taunts Hall for being eliminated. As Hall gets to his feet, he punches Sheamus in the gut, then hit’s the Razor’s Edge on the ramp!
But we still got to see the Razor’s Edge!
Cena, noticing the Sheamus is out of the picture, scoops Laurinaitis up on his shoulders and FU’s him over the top rope!
JOHN LAURINAITIS IS ELIMINATED!
NO! Not Big Johnny!
Barrett clubs Cena from behind as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
I've felt the air rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
Wait and Bleed - Slipknot, Radio Disney Version
Oh great, Wyatt’s been cheating the whole match, Big Johnny just got eliminated, and now this goof!
CJ Parker walks out, accompanied by Alexa Bliss and Jerry Lawler. On the ramp, Lawler gives Parker some last minute instructions, then turns to leave. Alexa starts to follow, but as Lawler disappears through the entrance, she turns and runs back to follow CJ.
Well, CJ not coming alone, although I don’t know how much help Alexa’s gonna be against the likes of Henry or Show…
In the ring, Barrett works over Cena, as Henry and Wyatt turn their attention to Show, Ambrose still trapped between Show and the turnbuckle. Langston hammers Haas down, while Uso chop’s Danielson. CJ and Alexa get to the ring and CJ stops. He reaches under the ring and pulls out…
A pair of bongo drums?
…What.
Parker sits on the steps, as Alexa sits at his feet, and he begins playing the drums.
Well… that’s different.
Henry and Wyatt work over Show, allowing Ambrose to get free from his prison. As he collapses to the mat and rolls to the floor, Langston drills Haas with the Big Ending!
BIG ENDING! Charlie Haas could be in trouble!
Langston looks down at Haas, as CJ continues to play the bongos…
Sorry Joey, did you say something? I can’t hear you over the LOUD STUPIDITY HAPPENING MERE FEET AWAY!!!
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
BOOYAKA!!
Booyaka
Rey Mysterio and Sara Del Rey run down the ramp to a loud ovation. But as they approach the ring, Sara guides Rey over to CJ and Alexa. Sara sits as Rey looks confused.
Oh please no. Come on Rey, you’re better than this!
Rey shrugs and joins the girls listening to Parker.
Oh god damn it!
Langston pulls Haas up and hoists him up and over the top rope. Haas holds on, however, and skins the cat. As he lands on his feet, Langston knocks him to the mat with a body check. Wyatt and Henry double clothesline Show, who stays on his feet. They clothesline him again and he staggers more. They go for a third clothesline, but run into a double clothesline from Show!
Down go Wyatt and Henry!
Uso and Danielson fight near the ropes, both men teetering. Danielson chop’s Uso, who drops to the apron. Danielson goes over, but hangs on and skins the cat! When he lands, he nails Uso the rising Wyatt with a kick to the face!
Who does he think he is?!
Henry gets to his feet, on the side where Parker is hosting his jam session. He reaches over and snatches the drums from Parker and breaks them over his knee!
Thank you Mark Henry! I LOVE YOU!
Alexa and Sara back away, as Rey and Parker enter the ring. Henry nails both men with a double clothesline, then grabs Parker and tosses him out!
CJ PARKER IS ELIMINATED!
Henry looks down at Rey, but as he does, Langston runs over, scoops him up, and throws him over the top!
HENRY’S OUT!
MARK HENRY IS ELIMINATED!
Henry is furious and tries to reenter the ring, only to be held back by security. But as this is going on, a man in a hooded sweatshirt jumps the barricade and attacks Mark from behind!
And now some stupid fan is getting in on this!
Henry brawls with the fan, knocking the hood back…
OH MY GOD! It’s Justin Gabriel!
Gabriel and Henry brawl at ringside as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
In The Middle Of It Now
Gabriel and Henry are still brawling as more officials are out to pull them apart. Hawkins runs down the ramp, a house of fire, and dives into the ring.
Gabriel and Henry are beating the hell out of each other!
Hawkins knocks Uso down with a punch, then Danielson, then Mysterio, then Cena. Bray rolls back under the bottom rope as Hawkins runs the ropes. Cena and Mysterio both up, Hawkins with a double flying clothesline!
Curt Hawkins cleaning house!
Ambrose rolls back in, only to eat a leg lariat from Hawkins! On the outside, Henry and Gabriel are brawling on the ramp.
Gabriel and Henry still going at it, our officials unsuccessful in diffusing the situation thus far…
In the ring, Hawkins climbs to the top rope. He measures Ambrose, but before he leaps, he stops, pulls out his cell, and takes a selfie. Haas runs over and slam’s him off the top rope! Hawkins gets back to his feet, but Haas grabs him and tosses him over the top rope! Curt lands on the apron, but a Haas superkick knocks him to the floor!
CURT HAWKINS IS ELIMINATED!
Ah, the perils of social media strike again…
Security finally manages to get between Henry and Gabriel. As they escort the two, separately, to the back, Ambrose gets to his feet and charges Mysterio. Mysterio catches him with a drop toe hold, knocking him into the ropes. Rey comes off the ropes, 619! The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
What number now?
6!
5!
By my count, twenty five, and we know who it is…
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
One, two, Bone is coming for you
Three, four, better lock the doors
Five, six, better load your clips
Seven, eight, we're gonna test your fate
Nine, ten, we're out to kill again
Hell Sent
Jayson The Grimm walks down the ramp. Rey waits for Ambrose to get to his feet, then hit’s the springboard seated senton!
Jayson got here just in time. Ambrose is in big trouble here…
Rey waits for Ambrose to get to his feet, but Jayson slides in behind him and clip’s his leg! Ambrose back up, he and Jayson take Rey and toss him out!
REY MYSTERIO IS ELIMINATED!
Jayson and Ambrose high five, but as they turn, Big Show plows them both down with a double clothesline! Cena pulls Ambrose up and tosses him in the corner. Haas is working over Danielson, while Uso and Barrett trade shots. Langston is slumped over in another corner, catching his breath.
Big E Langston approaching the forty eight minute mark, which is damn impressive!
Hey, Bray Wyatt’s been there just as long!
Yeah, but he’s done half the work, too….
Wyatt watches from ringside, the rest of the Wyatt Family long since departed. Big Show pulls Jayson up, shushes the crowd, then chop’s him! Barrett tries to hoist Uso over the top, but Jimmy clutches the top rope for dear life!
Jimmy Uso has also been in the ring for quite some time. Forty two minutes, by my count.
Haas lifts Danielson up and tries to eliminate him, only to get a boot to the face for his troubles.
What about Haas? He’s had to have been there for at least half an hour, right?
Thirty two minutes, I believe.
Cena hammers away on Ambrose, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
This was a fucking bomb. For a few seconds, this place was Armageddon. THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!
Battle On
Tyler Black comes running down the aisle!
As we get to the later entrants, you’ll notice how they’re less worried about conserving energy than those who entered earlier.
Black slides in and nails Haas with a release German suplex!
Damn! Big move from Black, tough break for Haas!
Danielson and Black stare one another down, then shake hands.
Might we see an alliance between the recent tag team partners?
Black and Danielson turn their attention to Langston. Both men plant kicks in Langston’s gut, then double suplex him out of the corner!
Wow, what strength by Danielson and Black!
Cena fires Ambrose across the ring into the opposite corner. He charges, but Ambrose moves! Cena stops right before colliding with the turnbuckle, but as he turns, Danielson and Black meet him double roundhouse kicks!
Now Cena tastes the wrath of these two…
Uso knocks Barrett back, but runs into a double clothesline from Black and Danielson. Barrett clubs Danielson from behind, but Black comes to his tag team partner’s aid. Meanwhile, Show chokes Jayson in the corner, but Ambrose nails Show from behind.
The Disease taking a page out of Danielson and Black’s book now…
Ambrose holds Show’s arms back, allowing Jayson to fire several punches to the midsection. Danielson pulls Barrett up, kick to the back of the leg! He rears back, roundhouse to the back of the head, at the same time Black hit’s the Avada Kedavra! The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Trouble
Oh hey. It’s Isis.
Isis makes her way to the ring. As she slides in, Black meets her with a flurry of chops. He fires her into the ropes, she ducks a clothesline, off the rebound, cross body! Black back up, Isis scoop slam’s him! She pulls him up and goes to eliminate him, but Black slips free. Isis turns, Black superkick’s him over the top rope!
ISIS IS ELIMINATED!
And that may have been the shortest time in this year’s match!
Bray rolls back in and nails Black from behind! He goes to eliminate him, but Danielson makes the save! Wyatt charges, but Danielson and Black both pull the top rope down! Bray goes over, but lands on the apron!
Come on Bray, hang on!
Bray gets to his feet, Danielson and Black both superkick him! Wyatt falls to the floor!
BRAY WYATT IS ELIMINATED!
DAMN IT! That’s not fair!
Riley throws down his headset and leaves the table.
AND DON’T COME BACK!
Danielson and Black high five, but Black tries to sucker punch Danielson! Danielson blocks it, then kicks Black back. Black charges, but Danielson back body drop’s him over the top rope to the floor!
TYLER BLACK IS ELIMINATED!
And Tyler Black goes out, courtesy of his tag team partner!
Sometimes tag team partner, Joey.
Ambrose and Jayson work together to try and dump Show, while Uso chop’s Haas in the corner. Cena tries to eliminate Barrett, who manages to hang on. Langston leans back in the corner…
And with Bray Wyatt out, Big E. Langston has officially been in the Royal Rumble longer than any other man!
The timer appears…
10!
9!
Number twenty eight on his way…
8!
7!
6!
The man who won the Royal Rumble Preliminaries!
5!
4!
3!
Wait, Jayson just sucker punched Ambrose!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Jayson tosses Ambrose over!
DEAN AMBROSE IS ELIMINATED!
I was supposed to do great things...
Miracle Mile
Dean Ambrose is out, courtesy of his own teammate!
And here comes Ted DiBiase!
DiBiase runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. Barrett eats a punch! Dropkick to Cena! Uso charges, back body drop over the top rope!
But wait, Uso lands on the apron!
As Jimmy gets to his feet, DiBiase dropkick’s him, knocking him to the floor!
JIMMY USO IS ELIMINATED!
Ted DiBiase starting out on fire from the get-go!
Ted turns his attention to Barrett, as Jayson stomps away at Cena. Haas and Danielson trade chops, while Big Show, rested up, turns his attention to the severely winded Langston.
How long has Langston been in there now, Joey?
Fifty four, no wait, fifty five minutes, Michael!
Show chokes Langston in the corner, as Haas pushes Danielson back against the ropes. Bryan fights though, using his arms to leverage himself. Jayson pulls Cena up and brings him towards the ropes, looking to eliminate him. Ted works Barrett over with punches.
Eight men remain in the ring, but two entrants left to go…
Langston manages to escape Show’s grasp, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
I'm here to the world...
I'm HERE TO SHOW THE WOOOOOOORLD!!!
Here to Show the World
Dolph Ziggler, accompanied by Savio Iroikos, makes his way to the ring.
I hear you’re a fan of this guy, Michael.
What’s not to like, Joey? He’s the brightest star in Iroikos Enterprises, not to mention the ONLY man to compete in TWO matches tonight!
Dolph slides into the ring. Instead of targeting anyone, however, he drops down and begins doing pushups.
You see that, Joey? Dolph Ziggler already participated in one grueling match, he’s in the Rumble, and he STILL has time to get a workout in!
Haas chop’s Danielson against the ropes, as Cena continues to struggle against Jayson. Langston hammers Show, only to be knocked back. Show then walks over, picks Dolph up by his trunks, and throws him over!
Isis may have competition for the shortest time-
Uh-uh! Look again, Dolph landed on the apron!
Dolph has one leg hooked over the top rope and desperately grasps the ring skirt.
But a precarious position for Ziggler…
Dolph struggles, but loses his grip and falls…
And that’ll do it-
Beautiful handstand by Ziggler!
Ziggler is able to hold a handstand position and begins making his way to the steps.
Dolph cheats elimination twice, but how’s he gonna get back the ring now?!
Ziggler gets to the stairs and SLOWLY brings one hand up, then the other, until he’s at the top.
OK, that was impressive.
Dolph brings his legs down and pulls himself up so he’s standing on the apron.
Now THAT takes talent, Joey! And Dolph won the Rumble once, thanks to moves like that, he can win it this year too!
But maybe he should get back in the ring?
Dolph brags about his accomplishment, but as he turns to reenter, Show blasts him with the WMD! Ziggler falls to the floor!
DOLPH ZIGGLER IS ELIMINATED!
DAMN IT!
The timer appears for the final time…
10!
9!
Show looks down at Dolph and mockingly waves.
8!
7!
But as he does, Langston runs up behind him and lifts him up and over!
6!
BIG SHOW IS ELIMINATED!
5!
What a show of strength by Langston!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
*burst of static*
Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
Cult of Personality
And CM Punk draws number thirty!
Punk makes his way down the aisle, a smirk on his face. He stops at the Raw table and says something to Ashley, before moving over to the Smackdown table, where he puts on a headset.
They don’t call me the Best in the World for nothing, guys! Just watch me win the Royal Rumble right here!
Punk removes the headset and pats Joey on the arm, before entering the ring. Langston goes right after Punk, hammering him with lefts and rights. He fires Punk into the ropes, but off the rebound, Punk ducks a clothesline, then nails Big E. with a backfist! Langston staggers back, Punk shoots him into the corner!
Langston has to be exhausted. Punk may have easy pickings here…
Punk charges with the running knee, but Langston moves! Punk is able to adjust and land on the middle rope, but Langston shoves him over!
Punk’s out!
NO! He hangs on!
Punk skins the cat, hooks his legs around Langston’s neck, and leverages him over. Both men on the apron now, Punk with a second backfist! Langston drops to the floor!
BIG E. LANGSTON IS ELIMINATED!
Big E. Langston, just shy of an hour in the ring. He has nothing to be ashamed of tonight.
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Barrett nails Ted with the Bull Hammer! Ted goes down, but Wade pulls him up.
Teddy, I’ve got some bad news…
Cena and Jayson continue to trade shots, as do Danielson and Haas. Punk slinks around the ring, biding his time. Barrett hoists DiBiase up on his shoulders and goes to eliminate him, but Ted grabs the top rope! Wade tries and is able to pry him off, but Ted lands behind Barrett. He rocks him back with some punches, then comes off the ropes with a high knee strike that knocks Barrett over the top rope!
WADE BARRETT IS ELIMINATED!
Barrett’s gone, we’re down to six men fighting to go to WrestleMania!
Punk sneaks up on DiBiase and tries to eliminate him, but Ted knocks him back! Danielson gets the better of Haas, knocking him to the mat with a clothesline. Punk runs over and tries to toss Danielson, but Bryan hangs on and manages to pull Punk over the top to the floor!
CM PUNK IS ELIMINATED!
Wow, Punk goes out quickly for number thirty!
Punk storms over to the announce table, looking enraged. He grabs the extra headset as Cena knocks Jayson to the mat with a clothesline!
What the hell?! Styles, what are you going to do about that?!
What do you want me to do, Punk? You were eliminated fair and squa-
SHUT UP!
Cena pulls Jayson up, spinout powerbomb!
You know what? That proves nothing! Anyone can win a battle royal, so let whoever wins enjoy their day in the limelight. Because I’ll still be going to WrestleMania, one way or another.
Punk throws the headset down. Cena measures Jayson for a clothesline, but Haas cuts him off with a superkick! Cena is knocked into the ropes, Haas runs over and pushes him out!
JOHN CENA IS ELIMINATED!
And there goes last year’s Royal Rumble winner!
We’re down to the final four!
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Haas, Danielson, Jayson, and DiBiase stare each other down. Danielson pairs off with Jayson, while DiBiase and Haas pick up where they left off. Jayson sends Danielson into the turnbuckle. He charges, running clothesline! Haas chop’s DiBiase, then fires him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Haas goes for a back body drop, but Ted lands on his feet! Haas turns and charges, but Ted ducks the clothesline, then sends Haas flying over the top with a dropkick!
CHARLIE HAAS IS ELIMINATED!
After forty minutes, Charlie Haas’ WrestleMania dream has come to an end!
Danielson pulls Jayson out of the corner, Ted over to assist. Double Irish whip into the ropes, Jayson ducks underneath the double clothesline, off the ropes, spinning double elbow!
Jayson takes down both DiBiase and Danielson!
Jayson pulls Danielson up and brings him to the ropes. He works to try and get him over, but Danielson holds on, then knocks Jayson back with an elbow! DiBiase is back up, he charges, but Danielson catches him coming by and flings him over the top rope!
TED DIBIASE IS ELIMINATED!
And then there were two…
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Danielson and Jayson come face to face. Both men glance up at the WrestleMania sign. Jayson throws the first punch, but Danielson retaliates with a shot of his own! The two trade punches, but Jayson gains the upper hand. He shoots Danielson into the ropes. As he bounces back, Bryan ducks under a clothesline, off the rebound, flying forearm!
Down goes Jayson!
Bryan Danielson is so close to his WWE Championship rematch, he can taste it!
As Jayson gets to his feet, Danielson tries to eliminate him, but Jayson holds on to the top rope and knocks him back with an elbow. As Danielson is staggered, Jayson hit’s Da End!
Jayson hit’s Da End!
And that may spell “da end” for Danielson here…
Jayson scoops Danielson up and carries him to the ropes. He goes to eliminate him, but somehow, Bryan hangs on and wriggles free! He backs up, Jayson turns, flying knee strike! Jayson goes down! Danielson climbs to the top rope…
What are you doing, Bryan?! You have him beat! Stop wasting time!
Danielson dives off the top…
Diving headbutt connects!
Danielson pulls Jayson up and drags him to the ropes. He lifts him up and over…
This is it, Bryan Danielson’s going to WrestleMania!
…but Jayson hangs on and skins the cat! Danielson charges, Jayson ducks and Bryan’s momentum carries him over the top! He lands on the apron, but Jayson nails him with a running boot! Danielson falls to the floor!
That’s it, it’s over!
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2014 Royal Rumble…
JAYSON THE GRIMM!
Jayson The Grimm is going to WrestleMania!
Jayson raises his arms as fireworks go off.
One year ago, Jayson was on his way to WrestleMania as the Hardcore Champion. But this year, he will be going to WrestleMania as a headliner in the main event!
Jayson vs. Dhesi/$hadow vs… Darren Young?
The Road to WrestleMania has begun, but obviously there are many questions left to be answered. For Tony Chimel, Dr. Alex Riley, Ashley Flair, Bret Hart, and Michael Cole, this is Joey Styles, signing off. Goodnight.
The show fades on Jayson celebrating his big win…
Joey Styles joining Michael Cole for this one, as the Road to WrestleMania begins right here, right now!
Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the Royal Rumble match!
However, before we begin, please welcome, by order of the WWE Shareholders, the third member of the commentary team for this match…
Huh?
Oh… yeah…
SAY IT TO MY FACE!
Say It to My Face
Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Alex Riley!
Riley makes his way to the announce table, a big grin on his face. He sits down and puts on his headset.
Greetings Cole! Joey, how ya doin’?
Alex.
So, McClain send you back out here to make sure we talk nice about the boss man?
Well, I would hope you’d know better than to badmouth the man signing your check, but it IS you, after all…
Whatever. Let’s just get this nightmare over with.
Now ladies and gentlemen, the rules of this match are as follows. The entrants who drew numbers one and two will enter and the match will begin. Every two minutes afterwards, another Superstar will enter the match, according to the number they drew. A Superstar is eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, with both feet hitting the floor. The last man remaining, after all 30 have entered, will be declared the winner, and will go on to earn a WWE Championship match at WrestleMania 30!
Here we go! MAN, I’m excited!
Now, introducing the Superstar who drew number one…
THREE AIN'T ENOUGH MAN, I NEED FIVE!
Introducing first, from Nightmareville, USA, weighing in at 290 pounds, he is the WWE United States Champion, Big E. Langston!
Well, Smackdown’s US Champion starting things off tonight.
A tough break. While winning from the first five positions isn’t outright impossible, it’s still pretty damn difficult.
And now, the Superstar who drew number two…
Broken Out In Love
WHAT?!
From The Promised Land, weighing in at 295 pounds, he is the Chairman AND Majority Owner of the WWE, Bray Wyatt!
The entire Wyatt Family make their way to the ring.
No way! That can’t be right!
It was a random draw, outside of the RRP…
Good to see even Big Fat Bray isn’t above the drawing.
Wyatt rolls into the ring, not looking too worried about his spot. He and Langston face off as the bell rings.
And the 2014 Royal Rumble match is underway!
Langston shoves Wyatt. Wyatt steps back, a grin on his face. He raises his arms and The Ryback climbs up on the apron.
Oh now come on! What is Ryback doing?
Enforcing, Cole.
Langston turns to see Ryback on the apron. He challenges him to enter the ring, but Wyatt comes up behind him and delivers a double sledge across the back. He tries to toss Langston quickly, but Big E. clutches the top rope with one hand, while using the free arm to knock Wyatt back.
Ryback’s distraction not enough to help Bray score the quick elimination, though.
Langston kicks Bray in the gut, then shoots him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Big E. connects with a big clothesline. Wyatt staggers into the ropes, as James and Madsen run over to the opposite side of the ring.
Wyatt could be in trouble here!
Langston approaches and delivers a series of kicks to Wyatt, then attempts to hoist him over the top rope. James and Madsen climb up on the apron and try to push Wyatt back in, as Ryback rolls in the ring.
Hey, what’s Ryback doing in the ring?!
Ryback clubs Langston across the back, then lifts him up and delivers a back suplex.
There ya go, Ryback! Punish him!
Wyatt stands and raises his arms. Enzo, James, and Madsen all enter the ring as well.
This doesn’t look good for the US Champ…
The Wyatts put the boots to Big E. as Bray slumps down in the corner, watching. James and Madsen pull Langston up so Enzo can hit the Sword of Damocles.
Langston’s getting what he deserves! Only one man will win the Rumble, and that man is Big E. Langston!
They hold him up again as Ryback readies his arm…
And we know what’s coming next…
MEAT HOOK!
Big E. turned inside out and Bray Wyatt has complete control of the Royal Rumble!
Wyatt rises, cackling, as the crowd boos. He orders James and Madsen to hold Langston up again. Ryback goes back to the corner and readies for a second Meat Hook, as the timer appears on the TitanTron…
10!
9!
8!
Well, we know who’s coming next…
7!
6!
5!
Determined through the Royal Rumble Preliminaries on Smackdown…
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Into The Shadows
Oh my god, it’s Leo Kruger!
Kruger slowly makes his way to the ring, in no hurry to join the action. Ryback charges, but Langston meets him with a boot to the gut! He then breaks free and double clothesline’s Madsen and James to the mat!
Langston fighting back!
Langston pulls both men up and tosses them over the top!
Somebody stop him!
Ryback grabs Big E., who spins around and nails him with a right hand, then clothesline’s him over the top rope!
There may not be ANY stopping the US Champion right now!
Enzo jumps on Langston’s back, but Big E. flips him onto the mat! He then lifts him up and tosses him over the ropes, into the arms of James and Madsen, sending all three men tumbling to the floor!
And Big E. cleans house on the Wyatt Family!
Langston turns his attention to Wyatt, who backs off. Langston comes towards him, as Kruger rolls into the ring.
And Kruger finally joins the action here…
Wyatt raises his arms, but Langston quickly spins around. Kruger backs off, but Wyatt nails Langston from behind with a running ax handle! Langston staggers forward, Wyatt with another shot to the back, dropping the US Champ to one knee. He then kick’s Langston in the ribs, bringing the Champion down.
Wyatt again gaining control against Langston, as Kruger does the smartest thing he can and just hangs back.
Wyatt pulls Langston up by the neck and hooks him in a front facelock, before twisting him into a neckbreaker! Wyatt kneels at Langston’s head and cackles maniacally. Kruger has slouched down in the corner and simply watches the match unfold.
Bray Wyatt’s in complete control, guys! I told you, he’s the man who’s going to WrestleMania!
Bray stands up and runs the ropes, looking for the Answered Prayer, but Langston gets his knees up!
Apparently, you spoke too soon, Riley!
Wyatt rolls on the mat, clutching his back, as Kruger pulls himself up and begins stomping away at Wyatt!
Kruger, no! Think about what you’re doing!
Kruger continues to stomp and kick Wyatt until the CEO rolls out of the ring.
Wyatt to the outside, but he is NOT eliminated, folks…
Kruger turns as Langston is back to his feet. The two men stare each other down, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
I don't care what you think of me!
I don't care what you think you are!
I don't care what you think about anymore!
I won't be what you want me to be...
Every night belongs to me...
BELONGS TO ME!!!
Adrian Neville saunters out from the back, looking quite smug.
Well, here comes Adrian Neville, who left Smackdown for what he believes are the greener pastures of Raw and Colace Management Services.
Well, so far he’s undefeated on Raw, Joey. Better than what he was doing under your thumb.
As Neville makes his way down the ramp, Kruger throws the first punch against Langston! Langston fires back, then grabs Kruger and tries to toss him! Leo holds on to the top rope as he goes over and slides back in, only to get knocked down by a Langston punch!
Kruger avoiding elimination right there, but still meets the wrath of Big E’s fist!
As Neville makes his way up the steps, James and Madsen have set up Bray’s rocking chair in front of the announce table.
And Bray deciding to take it easy here…
Hey, he works hard running this company, Joey! He deserves the breather!
But does he have to block our view of the ring?!
Neville climbs to the top rope, as Langston turns to face him. Neville turns around, so his back is to the ring, then backflip’s off the top rope. Langston looks unimpressed.
There’s the athleticism of Adrian Neville right there!
If only the WWE Universe was as impressed as you are, Michael…
Neville poses, but Langston nails him with a kick to the gut. He shoots him into the ropes, Neville ducks under a clothesline. Langston turns and charges, Neville leap frog’s him, then springboard’s off the top rope, landing on his feet…
And get’s nailed by a big boot from Kruger!
KILLJOY!
Langston nods at Kruger, then charges him! Kruger catches him on the way by and tries to fling him over the top, but Langston holds on and rolls back in. Kruger with stomps and kicks, but Langston fights back to his feet and body check’s Kruger to the mat!
Langston has been a house of fire so far, withstanding the Wyatt Family, Leo Kruger, and Adrian Neville’s acrobatics.
Yeah, but he’ll tire out soon enough, Joey. Nobody can go nonstop for over an hour. Even Ric Flair took breathers.
Langston pulls Neville up and sends him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Big E. nails him with a clothesline! Neville goes down but nip’s back up to his feet immediately! He poses, taunting the crowd…
Before flopping back to the mat.
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Siva Tau
AND WHEN I SAY "UUUUUUUSSSSSSS", Y'ALL SAY "OOOOOOO!!!"
UUUUUUUSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
"OOOOOOO!!!!!"
*BANG*
So Close Now
And here comes Jimmy Uso, the man who has been Big E’s fiercest rival for the United States Championship thus far.
Uso comes running down the aisle and slides into the ring. He and Langston get face to face, but before either can throw a punch, they see Kruger getting to his feet.
Are they gonna fight? Or will we actually see them work together?
Uso and Langston look at Kruger, then back at each other. Uso offers his hand.
Langston takes it.
And there’s your answer.
Both men turn to face Kruger. Kruger goes for Uso, but Langston cuts him off with a clothesline! He pulls him up, Langston and Uso shoot Kruger into the ropes. As Kruger bounces back, they meet him with a double back elbow. Langston splashes Kruger, followed by an Uso leg drop.
Some nice teamwork thus far by Uso and Langston.
Neville suddenly nips up and charges Uso. Jimmy ducks a clothesline, but Neville springs off the middle rope, lands next to Uso, chop! He delivers a second chop, then shoots Jimmy into the ropes. As Jimmy bounces back, Neville goes for a clothesline, but Uso ducks it, then rebounds off the opposite side with a diving clothesline!
And down goes Adrian Neville!
Bray Wyatt continues to rock back and forth at ringside as the action continues in the ring. Jimmy pulls Neville up and slings him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Jimmy catches him by the hair and flings him over the top. Neville lands on the apron, then springboard’s off the top rope, over Uso, landing on his feet. Langston is standing right in front of him, Neville with a chop! Langston glares at him as he delivers another chop.
Yeah, I’m thinking it’s time to go to plan B, Adrian.
Langston just stares at Neville. Neville goes for a third chop, but Langston blocks it and belly-to-belly suplex’s Neville! Kruger is back up, he clubs Uso from behind as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
Well, no need to speculate on this one…
7!
6!
5!
4!
Yeah, thanks to the Royal Rumble Preliminaries, we know who it is.
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
One Step Closer
Santino Marella comes running down the ramp. In the ring, Kruger tries to throw Uso out, but is blocked with an elbow, then a double chop. As Kruger backs off, Jimmy nails him with a superkick!
Uso nearly took Kruger’s head off!
Santino slides into the ring and goes right after Neville, who’s just getting to his feet. He assaults him with punches and kicks, then fires him into the corner. As Neville hit’s the buckles, Santino charges, delivering a big splash!
Santino taking the fight to Neville, this doesn’t look good for the star of Colace!
As Neville staggers out of the corner, Santino nails the Cobra! Down goes Neville! Jimmy spins Santino around, only to get nailed with the Cobra as well! Langston then charges Santino, who ducks a clothesline. He goes for the Cobra, but Big E. blocks it, then back suplex’s him!
But Langston just stopped Santino’s momentum dead!
At ringside, Wyatt and Ryback can occasionally be seen having conversations about the action in the ring.
Langston looks down at Santino, but gets nailed from behind by Kruger. Leo shoots Langston into the ropes, as he rebounds, Kruger hit’s a big boot! Langston staggers back into the ropes, Kruger tries to toss him! Big E. holds on, though, and kicks him back!
Kruger tries to get Langston out, but unable to do so!
Big E. grabs Kruger, powerslam! Neville is back up, he charges Langston, ducks a clothesline…
And does a cartwheel!
What a guy!
Neville celebrates his achievement, but when he turns around, Uso Samoan drop’s him!
Unfortunately, Neville’s cockiness is proving to be his biggest weakness…
Santino back up, he ties up with Uso as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Shrine
Tensai walks down the ramp, followed by Mick Foley.
Here comes Tensai!
Mick Foley’s been guiding his career as of late, will the Hardcore Legend be able to lead Tensai to a victory?
In the ring, Langston pulls Kruger up and throws him in the corner. Neville lays on the mat near the ropes, while Santino and Uso battle against the ropes. Santino tries to get Uso out, but Jimmy hangs on and chop’s Santino overhead, forcing him back. Jimmy goes for a superkick, but Santino ducks it, then dropkick’s Uso, knocking him to the mat! Tensai enters the ring…
Well, this should be interesting…
Santino charges Tensai, hammering him with punches, but when he tries to shoot him into the ropes, Tensai reverses it. As Santino bounces back, Tensai catches him in fall away slam position, but instead carries him over to the ropes and drops him on the apron.
Well, I would’ve expected Tensai to throw him out…
As Santino gets to his feet, Tensai bicycle kick’s him, knocking him to the floor!
SANTINO MARELLA IS ELIMINATED!
Well, there you go.
Tensai turns around, as Neville is back up. He sees Tensai, then runs the ropes, springs off, and does a backflip.
I’m sure Tensai is very impressed…
Tensai drops Neville with a headbutt!
Told ya.
Tensai then grabs Uso and delivers a second head butt. He then flings Jimmy over the top rope, but Uso lands on the apron. Tensai turns his back to roar at the crowd.
Tensai tosses Uso, but I don’t think Tensai realizes he landed on the apron!
Tensai raises his arms in the air, but when he turns around, Uso has reentered the ring. Tensai charges, but Uso ducks. As Tensai turns around, Jimmy superkick’s him, sending him over the top rope to the arena floor!
TENSAI IS ELIMINATED!
WOW! OK, I was NOT expecting Tensai to go out that fast.
The Wyatts all look surprised at Tensai’s sudden elimination, as does Foley. In the ring, Neville tries to toss Uso, but gets knocked back. He quickly nip’s up though, and chop’s Uso. He shoots him into the ropes, leap frog as he bounces back, Uso rebounds off the opposite side, Neville with a leg lariat! Uso goes down!
Wow, I wasn’t expecting Neville to actually score an offensive move.
Neville goes up to the top rope and does a backflip.
I was, however, expecting that…
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
National Anthem
Percy Watson makes his way to the ring.
On Raw this past week, Watson somehow found a way to beat Sheamus and retain the Intercontinental Championship…
Neville does a cartwheel as he waits for Watson, while Langston works over Kruger in the corner. Uso lays on the mat, catching his breath. As Watson enters the ring, Neville has ascended to the top rope. He does another backflip, not knowing Watson has already entered. When he lands, Percy grabs him and hit’s the John Rockefeller Driver!
Watson drilled Neville!
Percy pulls Neville up and tosses him, but Neville has the presence of mind to grab the top rope! He skins the cat, but instead of reentering, he hangs on and starts doing pull-ups!
Man, is there anything Adrian Neville CAN’T do?!
As he does his pull-ups, Watson walks over and punches him right on his head! Neville drops to the floor!
ADRIAN NEVILLE IS ELIMINATED!
Apparently, winning the Royal Rumble is a challenge for him, Cole.
Watson turns back to the ring as Uso is back up. Jimmy goes for a clothesline, Watson ducks it, Uso back off the ropes, but Percy catches him and tosses him over! Jimmy lands on the apron, Watson goes for a big boot, but Uso ducks and Percy gets caught up on the top rope!
Percy in no man’s land!
Uso steps back in the ring and chop’s Watson, but before he can try to toss him, Kruger hit’s him from behind with a double sledge shot. He pulls him away, then fires him into the corner, clothesline! Watson pulls himself back in, only for Kruger to drill him with a big boot!
Wow, Kruger just stepped it up.
Langston goes for a spear, but Kuger leap frog’s him, then dropkick’s him! Langston goes down! Kruger surveys the damage as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
You Look Fly 2 Day
Wait a minute…
Kruger looks towards the ramp in shock as RIKISHI walks out!
OH MY GOD! It’s Rikishi!
Kruger’s shock wears off as he goes over and starts stomping away at Uso as he tries to get to his feet. Rikishi enters the ring and immediately club’s Kruger from behind! He sends him into the ropes, Samoan drop! Kruger pulls himself up, Rikishi shoots him into the corner! Uso up, Rikishi shoots his son into the corner, Uso leaps up and rotates, crashing butt first into Kruger! Kruger slumps down!
Well, this certainly doesn’t look good…
Rikishi eyes Kruger’s position as the crowd cheers. He tries to get Jimmy to do the Stink Face, but Jimmy refuses. Rikishi shrugs, then lays it in on Kruger!
OH MY! Kruger getting a face full of stink!
Uso looks embarrassed as Rikishi pulls Kruger up and tosses him over the top to the floor.
LEO KRUGER IS ELIMINATED!
And there goes Kruger!
Rikishi starts clapping his hands and the crowd quickly joins in. Watson is back up and he also joins. Uso looks reluctant, but Rikishi rallies the crowd behind his son. Langston hangs back, wanting no part. Watson and Uso stand on either side of Rikishi and fold their arms in front of them. Rikishi tries to get Langston to join in, but to no avail.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Big E. Langston is the only one in there with any common sense!
Rikishi is undeterred, however, pulling out a pair of sunglasses. He places them on Langston’s head, which causes the US Champ to undergo a transformation.
Ah, but nobody can resist the mighty magic sunglasses of funk!
Rikishi takes his spot, as Langston also gets in position…
You Look Fly 2 Day
All four men begin dancing! At first, they stick to the basic Too Cool routine, with Percy doing The Worm. Uso incorporates the Siva Tau, as Langston moonwalks. The crowd is into it, but The Wyatts storm the ring, attacking all four men!
Oh come on! They were just having a bit of fun!
Ryback lays out Watson with the Meat Hook, while Enzo directs Madsen and James in attacking Uso and Langston. Bray then enters the ring.
No time for fun in the Royal Rumble, Joey!
Bray instructs the Family to attack Rikishi as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Day of Death
Charlie Haas walks out, but wisely takes his time getting to the ring…
The Wyatt Family beat Rikishi down to the mat. Madsen and James hold him up, Enzo with a front dropkick! Rikishi falls to the mat, James and Madsen pull him up again, double Russian leg sweep!
Get him! Show him what happens when you try to have fun in the Royal Rumble!
Watson and Langston start to move, only for James and Madsen to take them out with boots to the head!
This is ridiculous! Bray Wyatt is the only one who’s actually in the match!
Ryback readies himself, as Madsen and James pull the big man up…
MEAT HOOK!
Rikishi being dissected here!
Uso tries to aid his dad, only to get kicked in the head by Amore. Wyatt then instructs them to finish off Rikishi. They drag him over to the top rope and begin lifting. Wyatt joins in and the five men dump Rikishi!
RIKISHI IS ELIMINATED!
The Wyatts show off their strength in numbers by eliminating the man who could have been an easy favorite to win it all…
The Wyatt Family exit the ring and Bray returns to his rocker. Haas slowly rolls in the ring, and upon seeing that everyone is down…
He jumps up and down, proclaiming that he’s a winner.
Is this guy for real?
Unfortunately, yes.
Haas continues his celebration as the timer appears once again…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Hall of Pain
Haas gulps as Henry steps out.
And we just saw every bit of confidence leave Haas’ body in record time.
Henry approaches the ring, as Haas looks for places to hide. He tries to exit the ring, but The Wyatts block his path!
Oh come on! Why are they still out here?!
Henry enters the ring. With nowhere to run, Haas charges, hammering Henry with punches and kicks. He then runs the ropes, only to bounce back into a clothesline! At this point, Watson, Uso, and Langston have all made it back to their feet.
Henry may be in for a fight now!
Uso charges Henry, only to eat a clothesline! Watson charges, Henry lays him out with another clothesline! Langston charges in, Henry goes for yet another clothesline, but Langston ducks it! He rebounds off the ropes, flying shoulder tackle! Henry staggers, Langston off the ropes, a second shoulder tackle!
Henry in trouble, now! He’s teetering dangerously close to the ropes!
Langston hit’s a third shoulder tackle, knocking Henry through the ropes! He lands on the floor in front of the Wyatt Family. Ryback goes to attack, but is stopped by Bray. In the ring, Haas sneaks up behind Langston and tries to toss him! Big E. hangs on and rolls back in under the bottom rope.
Haas better think of something that’ll actually work and quick!
As Langston gets to his feet, Haas kicks him in the ribs. He pulls him up and hooks him, suplex!
Well, that might work.
Uso is back up now, he club’s Haas across the back. Watson is also back to his feet and he goes after Langston, pulling him up and dragging him to the ropes. Uso sends Haas into the ropes, catching off the rebound with a Samoan drop! On the outside, Henry is getting to his feet. Wyatt rises and walks over to him.
Hang on, what’s going to happen here?!
As Watson works over Langston, Wyatt is whispering something to Henry, who occasionally nods. Wyatt pats him on the back as Henry rolls back in.
So what was that about?
…What? Don’t look at me.
Henry flattens Uso with a running splash, then pulls Haas up and scoop slam’s him! He grabs Percy from behind, clothesline! As Watson goes down, Henry fires Langston into the ropes, Spinebuster!
Whatever Wyatt said, it lit a fire under The World’s Strongest Man!
Henry looks down at Wyatt, who nods approvingly as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
And here we.... go.
Silent Voices
And here comes the leader of The Disease, one half of the Switchblade Conspiracy, a former WWE Hardcore Champion, Dean Ambrose!
Ambrose walks slowly down the aisle, in no hurry to face Henry one on one.
Ambrose taking his time, which is smart. No need to rush in and get winded early.
Henry challenges Ambrose to get in the ring, but Dean just smirks as he reaches ringside. Instead of entering the ring, he leans back against the barricade and slumps down.
OK, for those keeping track, we currently have seven men who are legally in the match. Mark Henry, who’s laid waste to Charlie Haas, Jimmy Uso, Big E. Langston, and Percy Watson. Bray Wyatt is sitting in a rocking chair at ringside, and Dean Ambrose is sitting on the arena floor, since he hasn’t even entered yet.
As Henry continues to taunt Ambrose, Watson nails him from behind with a double sledge shot! As Henry is caught off guard, Watson grabs him around the waist and tries to drag him to the ropes. Henry is able to find his footing, however, and knocks Watson to the mat. But before he can follow up, Uso hit’s a superkick! Henry falls back against the ropes as Haas, Watson, and Langston all join Uso in trying to eliminate the big man!
Henry’s in trouble! It’s four on one!
The four men push, trying to send Henry over, but Mark is able to knock them all back.
The combined effort not enough, however.
Langston is back up and he charges Henry. As the two biggest men in the ring trade shots, Haas attempts to dump Uso. Jimmy hangs onto the top rope, however, and knocks Haas back with a chop. He then climbs to the top rope and proceeds to take out both Haas AND Watson with a double overhead chop!
Uso gets two for the price of one!
Jimmy pulls Haas up and throws him over, but the Slammy Award winner hangs on and pulls himself back in. Jimmy measures Watson for a super kick, but Percy ducks it, then brings Jimmy down with a full nelson slam! The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Chris Is Awesome
Chris Hero makes his way down the ramp.
Well, the Royal Rumble needed a hero and who better than Chris Hero?
As Hero gets to ringside, Ambrose shoves him, then punches him in the back of the head, knocking him to the floor!
Clearly Ambrose thinks the last thing we needed was Hero…
Ambrose stomps away at Hero, then goes to fire him into the ring steps, but Hero reverses it! Ambrose goes flying over the steps! In the ring, Watson has Uso teetering on the edge, but Haas comes over and rakes Watson’s eyes, forcing a break. On the opposite side of the ring, Henry tries to eliminate Langston, but the United States Champion is able to hang on.
We’ve got action in the ring and action outside the ring!
At ringside, Hero pulls Ambrose up and ram’s his head into the ringpost. He rolls him back in, then follows him.
And Ambrose and Hero both enter the ring for the first time in the match!
Hero pulls Ambrose up and tosses him over, but Ambrose lands on the apron. Hero turns his attention to Uso, not realizing that Ambrose has survived. Dean lays on the apron, as the remaining men fight it out. Henry sends Langston into the corner, then charges, but Big E. moves! Henry into the turnbuckles hard!
Langston’s been in there since the beginning, but he’s still got plenty of gas left, it seems…
Hero chop’s Uso, then fires him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Hero leap frog’s him. Uso off the rebound, Hero with a Japanese arm drag! Haas and Watson struggle for position near the ropes, as Hero pulls himself up and prepares to strike…
What does Hero have in mind for Jimmy Uso?
We never find out, because Ambrose grabs Hero from behind and throws him over the top! Hero lands on the apron, but Ambrose punch’s him in the face, knocking him to the floor!
CHRIS HERO IS ELIMINATED!
And Ambrose gets the last laugh, tossing Chris Hero from this match!
Hero looks up at Ambrose, seething. Ambrose just smirks as he slinks around the ring, trying to avoid a confrontation. The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
So what number are we up to?
7!
6!
Fourteen, I think.
5!
4!
3!
Well, no guesswork required here, as determined by the Royal Rumble Preliminaries…
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
My Time Is Now
Here comes last year’s winner, John Cena!
Cena runs down the aisle and dives into the ring. He unloads with punches to Uso, then to Haas. Watson charges, Cena ducks, off the ropes, shoulder tackle! Percy up, Cena with a second shoulder tackle! Uso spins Cena around, but Cena ducks a clothesline, then hit’s the spinout powerbomb!
John Cena has arrived, ladies and gentlemen!
Cena leans over Uso…
YOU CAN’T SEE ME!
Five Knuckle Shuffle! Cena waits for Uso to get to his feet, but Haas charges! Cena catches him on his shoulders, but Henry kicks him in the gut, forcing him to let Haas down. Ambrose sneaks around on the apron, trying to stay unnoticed, while Henry scoops Cena up, slam!
Cena has fallen into the clutches of the World’s Strongest Man…
Henry off the ropes, but Cena rolls out of the way of the splash! He gets to his feet, but Watson intercepts him and slam’s him back down. He stands over Cena, “makes it rain,” then comes off the ropes…
OH YEAH!
Showtime Splash!
Percy looks down at Cena, but Haas runs up behind him, grabs him, and throws him over the top rope to the floor!
PERCY WATSON IS ELIMINATED!
And Showtime’s over!
Haas celebrates, but when he turns around, he comes face-to-face with Mark Henry. But before they can tie up, Uso and Langston butt in, Langston going after Haas, while Uso takes on Henry. Langston rocks Haas with punches, then sends him to the mat with a clothesline. Uso chop’s Henry, as Cena gets to his feet. Cena with shots to the World’s Strongest Man, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Well…?
I am a mountain
I am a tall tree ohh
I am a swift wind sweeping the country
WHAT?!
World's Greatest
It’s LANCE MOTHERFUCKING ACTION!
But he’s not even in this match!
~Commentary about the earlier match~
Action runs down the ramp and dives into the ring. Everyone just stares at him, but then he shoves Uso. He follows that up by shoving Haas, then he slap’s Mark Henry.
Well. That…
Henry drills Action with a clothesline!
…Wasn’t smart.
Henry, Cena, Langston, Haas, and Uso pull Action up and throw him over the top! As Action hit’s the mat…
Celebration.
OK, what?
Brad Maddox runs out!
I…I have no idea what’s going on.
Maddox dives into the ring and tackles Cena! Haas and Langston pair off again, as do Uso and Henry. Maddox tries to toss Cena, but…
No way!
All eyes again turn to the stage as SCOTT HALL walks out!
OH MY GOD! It’s Scott Hall!
Hall saunters down the aisle as the crowd goes nuts. Maddox is furious!
NO! This is MY Rumble spot!
As Maddox screams at Hall, Cena flings him over the top rope! Maddox is screaming back and forth at Cena and Hall now, but Hall fakes a punch at Maddox, who scurries up the ramp!
Would the REAL number fifteen please stand up?
Hall enters the ring. Cena offers a high five, which Hall accepts, then he begins unloading on Cena with punches!
So… Scott Hall is in the Royal Rumble?
Sure, let’s go with that.
Works for me.
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
We're leaving together...
The Final Countdown
The crowd erupts as Bryan Danielson steps out on stage!
Here comes the former WWE Champion!
At ringside, Wyatt whispers something to Ryback as Danielson makes his way to the ring. In the ring, Hall sends Cena into the ropes, off the rebound, he catches him with a fall away slam! Uso chop’s Henry, then comes off the ropes with a flying clothesline! Henry is staggered and Uso tries to dump him!
Can Jimmy Uso eliminate The World’s Strongest Man?!
Haas and Langston run over to help Uso, as Danielson rolls in the ring. Ambrose is crouched on the apron, watching the match. Danielson sees him, reaches over, grabs him by the hair, and pulls him over the top into the ring!
Oh hey, Dean Ambrose is still in the match.
Henry fights off the assault by Uso, Haas, and Langston, sending all three men to the mat. Danielson pulls Ambrose up, chop! He shoots him into the ropes. As Ambrose bounces back, Danielson back body drop’s him. Hall now faces down Henry, as Cena is pulling himself up.
Hall and Henry face to face, what’s going to happen here?
Henry goes for a clothesline, Hall ducks, rapid fire punches by Hall! Henry staggers back, Cena comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle! Henry falls against the ropes and Hall and Cena try to eliminate the big man. Meanwhile, Haas works over Uso, while Langston watches Danielson work Ambrose in the corner with kicks.
We’re past the halfway point here, Big E. Langston has been in the ring for nearly half an hour!
So’s Bray!
No, Bray was in the ring for about five minutes, the rest he’s spent with his fat ass in that rocking chair!
Hall and Cena have Henry rocking, but Mark is able to fight back. Langston joins them, but it’s still not enough. He throws them back, as Haas brings Uso down with a belly-to-belly suplex. Danielson brings Ambrose out of the corner, then hit’s a running knee to the face! Ambrose falls to the mat as the timer appears…
10!
9!
Well, up next another competitor determined through the Royal Rumble Preliminaries…
8!
7!
6!
5!
Oh boy, like Henry’s not bad enough, guess who’s next!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
WEEEEEEEEEELLLLL... It's the Big Show!
Crank It Up
The Big Show lumbers down the ramp.
Well, this certainly poses a problem for everyone else in the ring…
As Show enters, Danielson is the first to strike, attacking with kicks before Show can even step over the top rope. He manages to swat Danielson away, but Cena is next to attack. As Show gets in the ring, Cena hit’s a shoulder tackle, causing Show to stagger back. He goes for a second tackle, but Show knocks him back as well!
Neither Danielson nor Cena can take The Big Show down!
Hall and Langston try to double team Show, but are taken down with a double clothesline! Henry then steps forward.
And here we go! The two behemoths about to slug it out!
The two prepare to lock up, but Brad Maddox comes running down the aisle!
Not this idiot again!
Maddox dives into the ring, getting in the faces of Henry and Show. The two look at Maddox, then at one another, then grab Maddox and fling him over the top ! Uso, Haas, Ambrose, and Hall go after Henry, while Cena, Danielson, and Langston attack Show.
Well, so much for the Clash of the Titans, but the other guys are being smart by teaming up to get rid of the big guys.
Uso and Haas take turns chopping Henry. Hall fires off some punches, but Ambrose hangs back, getting in an occasional kick while the others do most of the work. Meanwhile, Danielson kicks Show in the legs, trying to wear him down. Cena fires off shots to the ribs, stepping back at times to allow Langston to get a shot in. At ringside, The Wyatts look on.
The CEO remains content to simply observe the action, rather than actually compete…
Hey, it’s called strategy, Joey! Why should he tire himself out? Let some guys get eliminated, then come in and clean house.
Hall, Haas, and Uso lift Henry up and Ambrose joins in the shoving, but Henry knocks them all back. Ambrose quickly goes after Uso, kicking him as he tries to get to his feet. Henry goes over and grabs Cena, then drives him into the mat with a powerslam. Show is able to fight Danielson and Langston off, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
A Global Force
John Laurinaitis walks out, Sheamus following behind him. Show knocks Langston and Danielson back!
Well, Laurinaitis has to be considered a dark horse in this year’s Rumble, guys…
Dark horse? That’s generous, isn’t it?
Laurinaitis looks confident as he enters the ring. He goes right up behind Hall, who is jabbing Haas in the corner, and rakes his back. Hall turns, Laurinaitis quickly backs into the opposite corner. Hall comes after him, kick, kick, punch! He then lifts Big Johnny up and tosses him over the top rope!
And so much for Big John-
Ha! Sheamus caught him!
Sheamus rolls Big Johnny back under the ropes.
Well, he last longer than ten seconds, maybe he does have a chance.
Laurinaitis grips the bottom rope, as Hall turns back to Haas. Cena goes to work on Big E. Langston, as Big Show grabs Ambrose and tosses him into the corner. He rams his weight into him, pausing to rest while still crushing Ambrose behind his girth.
Big Show content to just hold Ambrose there for now…
Uso chop’s Hall, then fires him into the ropes. Hall off the rebound, into an Uso Samoan Drop! Cena tries to hoist Big E. up for the FU, but Langston fights out of it, clothesline to Cena! Henry clubs Big E. from behind, then drives him into the turnbuckle.
The ever-present threats of Mark Henry and Big Show still loom over everyone involved in this match…
Danielson tries to pull Big Johnny off the ropes, but a punch from Sheamus stops him. Big Johnny takes advantage, shoving Danielson down and choking him!
Meanwhile, Laurinaitis taking the low road…
At least he’s actually in the ring, unlike SOME people…
Bray Wyatt continues to rock in his chair as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Terminal Woman
Here we go! My number two pick to win it! After Bray Wyatt, of course.
This past Wednesday night on Raw, Kaitlyn qualified for the Royal Rumble, and she’s drawn a pretty good spot here. I wouldn’t surprised if she did go on to win it all…
Kaitlyn walks out, minus Eve.
Well, she may have to do it on her own…
In the ring, Henry hammers Langston down in the corner. Show continues to rest, using Dean Ambrose as his cushion. Uso is trying to eliminate Scott Hall, while Laurinaitis assaults Danielson, with the help of Sheamus.
Well, Kaitlyn’s doing the smart thing, not rushing into it…
Slowly, Kaitlyn climbs up onto the ring apron. Cena tries to eliminate Haas, who elbows him back. Kaitlyn steps between the ropes, then quickly rolls back out of the ring and crawls under the apron.
Wait, where’d Kaitlyn go?!
Kaitlyn hiding under the rin-
KAITLYN IS A WIZARD!
…
Danielson is able to fight off Laurinaitis and Sheamus, but when he tries to toss Big Johnny over, Sheamus catches him and slides him back in again. Henry tries to eliminate Langston, but Big E. hangs on.
Big E. Langston has been in the ring for almost forty minutes!
Wyatt watches Henry, who continues to pummel Langston. Uso chop’s Hall, but a clothesline attempt almost sends Jimmy over the top rope instead! Jimmy hangs on and pulls himself back in, but Hall plants him with a DDT! Haas has Cena in the ropes, but Cena kicks Charlie back, then hit’s the Throwback!
We are about two thirds of the way through, as number twenty is about to enter shortly…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Brad Maddox runs out again!
Oh boy, here we go…
Maddox gets to the ring, but Kaitlyn crawls out and spear’s him on the ramp!
SPEAR! SPEAR BY KAITLYN!
Kaitlyn taunts Maddox…
Glamazon
Kaitlyn’s eyes go wide.
OH MY GOD! IT’S BETH PHOENIX!
Beth walks down the ramp, Kaitlyn looks terrified.
Former friends, but something tells me Beth is the last person Kaitlyn wanted to see right now.
Kaitlyn crawls back under the ring, as Beth calmly approaches. In the ring, the battle rages on. Beth crawls under after Kaitlyn, who comes up the other side just in time to spot Beth going under. She rolls into the ring and waits by the ropes for Beth.
Kaitlyn may be thinking ambush…
But as she waits, Beth comes back out from the side she crawled under on!
But wait! Beth tricked Kaitlyn!
Beth smiles as she rolls in and sneaks up on Kaitlyn. She taps her on the shoulder. Kaitlyn turns around, Beth clothesline’s her over the top rope and to the floor!
KAITLYN IS ELIMINATED!
Are you kidding me?! She was my number two pick!
Beth looks down at Kaitlyn and shakes her head. She turns around, but Henry plants her with a Spinebuster!
Spinebuster! Beth’s back may be broken!
Beth lies in pain on the mat as Bray rises from his rocker. He slowly walks up the steps as the timer appears…
10!
9!
See, Cole? Here comes Wyatt! I told you he was just biding his time…
8!
7!
Number twenty one on his way, no secret here.
6!
5!
4!
By finishing third in the Royal Rumble Preliminaries…
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
GOD SAVE OUR QUEEN!
Rebel Son
Wade Barrett walks out, looking very smug. Bray enters the ring and pats Henry on the shoulder. He then pulls Beth up and tosses her out.
BETH PHOENIX IS ELIMINATED!
Danielson has Laurinaitis in the corner, he goes for a clothesline, but Big Johnny moves! Danielson crashes into the buckles, as Barrett enters the ring. He grabs Danielson and plants him with a powerslam, then takes Jimmy Uso, snap suplex!
Barrett wasting no time going to work here.
Hall spins Barrett around, punches to the Brit! He goes to shoot him into the ropes, but Wade reverses it. As Hall hit’s the ropes, he hooks his arms over to stop himself, but Wade charges and clothesline’s him over!
SCOTT HALL IS ELIMINATED!
Barrett eliminates Hall!
At ringside, Sheamus taunts Hall for being eliminated. As Hall gets to his feet, he punches Sheamus in the gut, then hit’s the Razor’s Edge on the ramp!
But we still got to see the Razor’s Edge!
Cena, noticing the Sheamus is out of the picture, scoops Laurinaitis up on his shoulders and FU’s him over the top rope!
JOHN LAURINAITIS IS ELIMINATED!
NO! Not Big Johnny!
Barrett clubs Cena from behind as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
I've felt the air rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
Wait and Bleed - Slipknot, Radio Disney Version
Oh great, Wyatt’s been cheating the whole match, Big Johnny just got eliminated, and now this goof!
CJ Parker walks out, accompanied by Alexa Bliss and Jerry Lawler. On the ramp, Lawler gives Parker some last minute instructions, then turns to leave. Alexa starts to follow, but as Lawler disappears through the entrance, she turns and runs back to follow CJ.
Well, CJ not coming alone, although I don’t know how much help Alexa’s gonna be against the likes of Henry or Show…
In the ring, Barrett works over Cena, as Henry and Wyatt turn their attention to Show, Ambrose still trapped between Show and the turnbuckle. Langston hammers Haas down, while Uso chop’s Danielson. CJ and Alexa get to the ring and CJ stops. He reaches under the ring and pulls out…
A pair of bongo drums?
…What.
Parker sits on the steps, as Alexa sits at his feet, and he begins playing the drums.
Well… that’s different.
Henry and Wyatt work over Show, allowing Ambrose to get free from his prison. As he collapses to the mat and rolls to the floor, Langston drills Haas with the Big Ending!
BIG ENDING! Charlie Haas could be in trouble!
Langston looks down at Haas, as CJ continues to play the bongos…
Sorry Joey, did you say something? I can’t hear you over the LOUD STUPIDITY HAPPENING MERE FEET AWAY!!!
The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
BOOYAKA!!
Booyaka
Rey Mysterio and Sara Del Rey run down the ramp to a loud ovation. But as they approach the ring, Sara guides Rey over to CJ and Alexa. Sara sits as Rey looks confused.
Oh please no. Come on Rey, you’re better than this!
Rey shrugs and joins the girls listening to Parker.
Oh god damn it!
Langston pulls Haas up and hoists him up and over the top rope. Haas holds on, however, and skins the cat. As he lands on his feet, Langston knocks him to the mat with a body check. Wyatt and Henry double clothesline Show, who stays on his feet. They clothesline him again and he staggers more. They go for a third clothesline, but run into a double clothesline from Show!
Down go Wyatt and Henry!
Uso and Danielson fight near the ropes, both men teetering. Danielson chop’s Uso, who drops to the apron. Danielson goes over, but hangs on and skins the cat! When he lands, he nails Uso the rising Wyatt with a kick to the face!
Who does he think he is?!
Henry gets to his feet, on the side where Parker is hosting his jam session. He reaches over and snatches the drums from Parker and breaks them over his knee!
Thank you Mark Henry! I LOVE YOU!
Alexa and Sara back away, as Rey and Parker enter the ring. Henry nails both men with a double clothesline, then grabs Parker and tosses him out!
CJ PARKER IS ELIMINATED!
Henry looks down at Rey, but as he does, Langston runs over, scoops him up, and throws him over the top!
HENRY’S OUT!
MARK HENRY IS ELIMINATED!
Henry is furious and tries to reenter the ring, only to be held back by security. But as this is going on, a man in a hooded sweatshirt jumps the barricade and attacks Mark from behind!
And now some stupid fan is getting in on this!
Henry brawls with the fan, knocking the hood back…
OH MY GOD! It’s Justin Gabriel!
Gabriel and Henry brawl at ringside as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
In The Middle Of It Now
Gabriel and Henry are still brawling as more officials are out to pull them apart. Hawkins runs down the ramp, a house of fire, and dives into the ring.
Gabriel and Henry are beating the hell out of each other!
Hawkins knocks Uso down with a punch, then Danielson, then Mysterio, then Cena. Bray rolls back under the bottom rope as Hawkins runs the ropes. Cena and Mysterio both up, Hawkins with a double flying clothesline!
Curt Hawkins cleaning house!
Ambrose rolls back in, only to eat a leg lariat from Hawkins! On the outside, Henry and Gabriel are brawling on the ramp.
Gabriel and Henry still going at it, our officials unsuccessful in diffusing the situation thus far…
In the ring, Hawkins climbs to the top rope. He measures Ambrose, but before he leaps, he stops, pulls out his cell, and takes a selfie. Haas runs over and slam’s him off the top rope! Hawkins gets back to his feet, but Haas grabs him and tosses him over the top rope! Curt lands on the apron, but a Haas superkick knocks him to the floor!
CURT HAWKINS IS ELIMINATED!
Ah, the perils of social media strike again…
Security finally manages to get between Henry and Gabriel. As they escort the two, separately, to the back, Ambrose gets to his feet and charges Mysterio. Mysterio catches him with a drop toe hold, knocking him into the ropes. Rey comes off the ropes, 619! The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
What number now?
6!
5!
By my count, twenty five, and we know who it is…
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
One, two, Bone is coming for you
Three, four, better lock the doors
Five, six, better load your clips
Seven, eight, we're gonna test your fate
Nine, ten, we're out to kill again
Hell Sent
Jayson The Grimm walks down the ramp. Rey waits for Ambrose to get to his feet, then hit’s the springboard seated senton!
Jayson got here just in time. Ambrose is in big trouble here…
Rey waits for Ambrose to get to his feet, but Jayson slides in behind him and clip’s his leg! Ambrose back up, he and Jayson take Rey and toss him out!
REY MYSTERIO IS ELIMINATED!
Jayson and Ambrose high five, but as they turn, Big Show plows them both down with a double clothesline! Cena pulls Ambrose up and tosses him in the corner. Haas is working over Danielson, while Uso and Barrett trade shots. Langston is slumped over in another corner, catching his breath.
Big E Langston approaching the forty eight minute mark, which is damn impressive!
Hey, Bray Wyatt’s been there just as long!
Yeah, but he’s done half the work, too….
Wyatt watches from ringside, the rest of the Wyatt Family long since departed. Big Show pulls Jayson up, shushes the crowd, then chop’s him! Barrett tries to hoist Uso over the top, but Jimmy clutches the top rope for dear life!
Jimmy Uso has also been in the ring for quite some time. Forty two minutes, by my count.
Haas lifts Danielson up and tries to eliminate him, only to get a boot to the face for his troubles.
What about Haas? He’s had to have been there for at least half an hour, right?
Thirty two minutes, I believe.
Cena hammers away on Ambrose, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
This was a fucking bomb. For a few seconds, this place was Armageddon. THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!
Battle On
Tyler Black comes running down the aisle!
As we get to the later entrants, you’ll notice how they’re less worried about conserving energy than those who entered earlier.
Black slides in and nails Haas with a release German suplex!
Damn! Big move from Black, tough break for Haas!
Danielson and Black stare one another down, then shake hands.
Might we see an alliance between the recent tag team partners?
Black and Danielson turn their attention to Langston. Both men plant kicks in Langston’s gut, then double suplex him out of the corner!
Wow, what strength by Danielson and Black!
Cena fires Ambrose across the ring into the opposite corner. He charges, but Ambrose moves! Cena stops right before colliding with the turnbuckle, but as he turns, Danielson and Black meet him double roundhouse kicks!
Now Cena tastes the wrath of these two…
Uso knocks Barrett back, but runs into a double clothesline from Black and Danielson. Barrett clubs Danielson from behind, but Black comes to his tag team partner’s aid. Meanwhile, Show chokes Jayson in the corner, but Ambrose nails Show from behind.
The Disease taking a page out of Danielson and Black’s book now…
Ambrose holds Show’s arms back, allowing Jayson to fire several punches to the midsection. Danielson pulls Barrett up, kick to the back of the leg! He rears back, roundhouse to the back of the head, at the same time Black hit’s the Avada Kedavra! The timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Trouble
Oh hey. It’s Isis.
Isis makes her way to the ring. As she slides in, Black meets her with a flurry of chops. He fires her into the ropes, she ducks a clothesline, off the rebound, cross body! Black back up, Isis scoop slam’s him! She pulls him up and goes to eliminate him, but Black slips free. Isis turns, Black superkick’s him over the top rope!
ISIS IS ELIMINATED!
And that may have been the shortest time in this year’s match!
Bray rolls back in and nails Black from behind! He goes to eliminate him, but Danielson makes the save! Wyatt charges, but Danielson and Black both pull the top rope down! Bray goes over, but lands on the apron!
Come on Bray, hang on!
Bray gets to his feet, Danielson and Black both superkick him! Wyatt falls to the floor!
BRAY WYATT IS ELIMINATED!
DAMN IT! That’s not fair!
Riley throws down his headset and leaves the table.
AND DON’T COME BACK!
Danielson and Black high five, but Black tries to sucker punch Danielson! Danielson blocks it, then kicks Black back. Black charges, but Danielson back body drop’s him over the top rope to the floor!
TYLER BLACK IS ELIMINATED!
And Tyler Black goes out, courtesy of his tag team partner!
Sometimes tag team partner, Joey.
Ambrose and Jayson work together to try and dump Show, while Uso chop’s Haas in the corner. Cena tries to eliminate Barrett, who manages to hang on. Langston leans back in the corner…
And with Bray Wyatt out, Big E. Langston has officially been in the Royal Rumble longer than any other man!
The timer appears…
10!
9!
Number twenty eight on his way…
8!
7!
6!
The man who won the Royal Rumble Preliminaries!
5!
4!
3!
Wait, Jayson just sucker punched Ambrose!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
Jayson tosses Ambrose over!
DEAN AMBROSE IS ELIMINATED!
I was supposed to do great things...
Miracle Mile
Dean Ambrose is out, courtesy of his own teammate!
And here comes Ted DiBiase!
DiBiase runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. Barrett eats a punch! Dropkick to Cena! Uso charges, back body drop over the top rope!
But wait, Uso lands on the apron!
As Jimmy gets to his feet, DiBiase dropkick’s him, knocking him to the floor!
JIMMY USO IS ELIMINATED!
Ted DiBiase starting out on fire from the get-go!
Ted turns his attention to Barrett, as Jayson stomps away at Cena. Haas and Danielson trade chops, while Big Show, rested up, turns his attention to the severely winded Langston.
How long has Langston been in there now, Joey?
Fifty four, no wait, fifty five minutes, Michael!
Show chokes Langston in the corner, as Haas pushes Danielson back against the ropes. Bryan fights though, using his arms to leverage himself. Jayson pulls Cena up and brings him towards the ropes, looking to eliminate him. Ted works Barrett over with punches.
Eight men remain in the ring, but two entrants left to go…
Langston manages to escape Show’s grasp, as the timer appears…
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
I'm here to the world...
I'm HERE TO SHOW THE WOOOOOOORLD!!!
Here to Show the World
Dolph Ziggler, accompanied by Savio Iroikos, makes his way to the ring.
I hear you’re a fan of this guy, Michael.
What’s not to like, Joey? He’s the brightest star in Iroikos Enterprises, not to mention the ONLY man to compete in TWO matches tonight!
Dolph slides into the ring. Instead of targeting anyone, however, he drops down and begins doing pushups.
You see that, Joey? Dolph Ziggler already participated in one grueling match, he’s in the Rumble, and he STILL has time to get a workout in!
Haas chop’s Danielson against the ropes, as Cena continues to struggle against Jayson. Langston hammers Show, only to be knocked back. Show then walks over, picks Dolph up by his trunks, and throws him over!
Isis may have competition for the shortest time-
Uh-uh! Look again, Dolph landed on the apron!
Dolph has one leg hooked over the top rope and desperately grasps the ring skirt.
But a precarious position for Ziggler…
Dolph struggles, but loses his grip and falls…
And that’ll do it-
Beautiful handstand by Ziggler!
Ziggler is able to hold a handstand position and begins making his way to the steps.
Dolph cheats elimination twice, but how’s he gonna get back the ring now?!
Ziggler gets to the stairs and SLOWLY brings one hand up, then the other, until he’s at the top.
OK, that was impressive.
Dolph brings his legs down and pulls himself up so he’s standing on the apron.
Now THAT takes talent, Joey! And Dolph won the Rumble once, thanks to moves like that, he can win it this year too!
But maybe he should get back in the ring?
Dolph brags about his accomplishment, but as he turns to reenter, Show blasts him with the WMD! Ziggler falls to the floor!
DOLPH ZIGGLER IS ELIMINATED!
DAMN IT!
The timer appears for the final time…
10!
9!
Show looks down at Dolph and mockingly waves.
8!
7!
But as he does, Langston runs up behind him and lifts him up and over!
6!
BIG SHOW IS ELIMINATED!
5!
What a show of strength by Langston!
4!
3!
2!
1!
*BUZZ*
*burst of static*
Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
Cult of Personality
And CM Punk draws number thirty!
Punk makes his way down the aisle, a smirk on his face. He stops at the Raw table and says something to Ashley, before moving over to the Smackdown table, where he puts on a headset.
They don’t call me the Best in the World for nothing, guys! Just watch me win the Royal Rumble right here!
Punk removes the headset and pats Joey on the arm, before entering the ring. Langston goes right after Punk, hammering him with lefts and rights. He fires Punk into the ropes, but off the rebound, Punk ducks a clothesline, then nails Big E. with a backfist! Langston staggers back, Punk shoots him into the corner!
Langston has to be exhausted. Punk may have easy pickings here…
Punk charges with the running knee, but Langston moves! Punk is able to adjust and land on the middle rope, but Langston shoves him over!
Punk’s out!
NO! He hangs on!
Punk skins the cat, hooks his legs around Langston’s neck, and leverages him over. Both men on the apron now, Punk with a second backfist! Langston drops to the floor!
BIG E. LANGSTON IS ELIMINATED!
Big E. Langston, just shy of an hour in the ring. He has nothing to be ashamed of tonight.
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Barrett nails Ted with the Bull Hammer! Ted goes down, but Wade pulls him up.
Teddy, I’ve got some bad news…
Cena and Jayson continue to trade shots, as do Danielson and Haas. Punk slinks around the ring, biding his time. Barrett hoists DiBiase up on his shoulders and goes to eliminate him, but Ted grabs the top rope! Wade tries and is able to pry him off, but Ted lands behind Barrett. He rocks him back with some punches, then comes off the ropes with a high knee strike that knocks Barrett over the top rope!
WADE BARRETT IS ELIMINATED!
Barrett’s gone, we’re down to six men fighting to go to WrestleMania!
Punk sneaks up on DiBiase and tries to eliminate him, but Ted knocks him back! Danielson gets the better of Haas, knocking him to the mat with a clothesline. Punk runs over and tries to toss Danielson, but Bryan hangs on and manages to pull Punk over the top to the floor!
CM PUNK IS ELIMINATED!
Wow, Punk goes out quickly for number thirty!
Punk storms over to the announce table, looking enraged. He grabs the extra headset as Cena knocks Jayson to the mat with a clothesline!
What the hell?! Styles, what are you going to do about that?!
What do you want me to do, Punk? You were eliminated fair and squa-
SHUT UP!
Cena pulls Jayson up, spinout powerbomb!
You know what? That proves nothing! Anyone can win a battle royal, so let whoever wins enjoy their day in the limelight. Because I’ll still be going to WrestleMania, one way or another.
Punk throws the headset down. Cena measures Jayson for a clothesline, but Haas cuts him off with a superkick! Cena is knocked into the ropes, Haas runs over and pushes him out!
JOHN CENA IS ELIMINATED!
And there goes last year’s Royal Rumble winner!
We’re down to the final four!
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Haas, Danielson, Jayson, and DiBiase stare each other down. Danielson pairs off with Jayson, while DiBiase and Haas pick up where they left off. Jayson sends Danielson into the turnbuckle. He charges, running clothesline! Haas chop’s DiBiase, then fires him into the ropes. As he bounces back, Haas goes for a back body drop, but Ted lands on his feet! Haas turns and charges, but Ted ducks the clothesline, then sends Haas flying over the top with a dropkick!
CHARLIE HAAS IS ELIMINATED!
After forty minutes, Charlie Haas’ WrestleMania dream has come to an end!
Danielson pulls Jayson out of the corner, Ted over to assist. Double Irish whip into the ropes, Jayson ducks underneath the double clothesline, off the ropes, spinning double elbow!
Jayson takes down both DiBiase and Danielson!
Jayson pulls Danielson up and brings him to the ropes. He works to try and get him over, but Danielson holds on, then knocks Jayson back with an elbow! DiBiase is back up, he charges, but Danielson catches him coming by and flings him over the top rope!
TED DIBIASE IS ELIMINATED!
And then there were two…
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Danielson and Jayson come face to face. Both men glance up at the WrestleMania sign. Jayson throws the first punch, but Danielson retaliates with a shot of his own! The two trade punches, but Jayson gains the upper hand. He shoots Danielson into the ropes. As he bounces back, Bryan ducks under a clothesline, off the rebound, flying forearm!
Down goes Jayson!
Bryan Danielson is so close to his WWE Championship rematch, he can taste it!
As Jayson gets to his feet, Danielson tries to eliminate him, but Jayson holds on to the top rope and knocks him back with an elbow. As Danielson is staggered, Jayson hit’s Da End!
Jayson hit’s Da End!
And that may spell “da end” for Danielson here…
Jayson scoops Danielson up and carries him to the ropes. He goes to eliminate him, but somehow, Bryan hangs on and wriggles free! He backs up, Jayson turns, flying knee strike! Jayson goes down! Danielson climbs to the top rope…
What are you doing, Bryan?! You have him beat! Stop wasting time!
Danielson dives off the top…
Diving headbutt connects!
Danielson pulls Jayson up and drags him to the ropes. He lifts him up and over…
This is it, Bryan Danielson’s going to WrestleMania!
…but Jayson hangs on and skins the cat! Danielson charges, Jayson ducks and Bryan’s momentum carries him over the top! He lands on the apron, but Jayson nails him with a running boot! Danielson falls to the floor!
That’s it, it’s over!
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2014 Royal Rumble…
JAYSON THE GRIMM!
Jayson The Grimm is going to WrestleMania!
Jayson raises his arms as fireworks go off.
One year ago, Jayson was on his way to WrestleMania as the Hardcore Champion. But this year, he will be going to WrestleMania as a headliner in the main event!
Jayson vs. Dhesi/$hadow vs… Darren Young?
The Road to WrestleMania has begun, but obviously there are many questions left to be answered. For Tony Chimel, Dr. Alex Riley, Ashley Flair, Bret Hart, and Michael Cole, this is Joey Styles, signing off. Goodnight.
The show fades on Jayson celebrating his big win…
