Post by Sweeter n' even more Sour on Feb 4, 2010 15:05:42 GMT -5
Maria def. Eve
(The Ultimate Haasrior)Charlie Haas def. Ezekiel Jackson w/ Colt Cabana
Colt Cabana w/Ezekiel Jackson def. Jimmy Wang Yang
Cena def. Shawn Michaels (non-Title)
Triple H def. Matt Striker
Miz/Morrison/Layla def Super Powers/Katie Lea
Welcome to Tuesday night Smackdown!
First to the ring…
Eve Torres!
And her opponent…
Maria!!
Eve goes for the handspring moonsault... but Maria moves out of the way! Eve staggers to her feet... Beautiful Bulldog!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here is your winner... Maria!!
*Colt Cabana is seen backstage.*
Jimmy.... I wish it didn't have to happen. I wish you weren't the sacrificial lamb. But last week, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I told you all on Fight Club, I was SCREWED out of my title opportunity. And why? Not because of lack of talent, nor because Drew McIntyre was the better man. No, it's because my focus wavered, it's because I was more concerned with putting on a good show than I was about winning.
Rest assured, that's not what's going to happen tonight Jimmy. No, tonight "Sundance" steps out of "Butch Cassidy"s shadow. And who knows, maybe tonight you'll finally wake up from your little dreamland and realize that you're not Butch Cassidy, you're not an Asian redneck. You're Jimmy Yang, nothing more, nothing less.
Tonight I'm going to open your eyes Jim. I just wish it would happen under better circumstances.
See you in the ring.
Backstage, A man is standing back to the camera with a crazy hairdo and colorful handbands.
Ezekiel Jackson, can you not communicate with mee, Ezekiel Jackson? Talk to me, Ezekiel Jackson, as if you would be talking to the GOD! You speak of Ezekiel Jackson, grgrr... there is nothing covering what I live for, Ezekiel Jackson. I need NOT the NORMALS to protect me from what I find most comforting. THE CHALLENGE OF PAIN! And the smell of combat, Ezekiel Jackson! I have, Ezekiel Jackson, injected you with minimal DOSE OF POISON From the Power of THE ULTIMATE HAASRIYA! But the people of ZEKEAMANIA CONTINUE to refuse to take the poison into! THEY TURN IT AWAY EZEKIEL JACKSON! They turn the poison away to deal the dirts! THEY FEAR THE EVIL! EZEKIEL JACKSON, I am the reprensation of all you FEAR! I, Ezekiel Jackson, want you to be the Warriah, You say you are. For I Can as the Ultimate Haasrior except no less. GIVE NO LESS TO THE HAASRIORS! Walk with me, Ezekiel Jackson, to the edge. Look, Ezekiel Jackson, into the nothingness! Look beyond your FEARS, as you take that step, Ezekiel Jackson, and make the sacrifice so that power of ULTIMATE Haasrior can live. GRNORRR!
First to the ring… accompanied by Colt Cabana…
Ezekiel!
And his opponent…
The Ultimate Haasrior!!
Haas tries to lift Ezekiel up for Warrior’s finisher… but can’t get him up!… Ezekiel plants a devastating clothesline on Haas. Ezekiel picks Haas up and signals for the dominator… he lifts him up… But Haas reverses it and lands on his feet… he locked in the HaAs oF PaiN!!!
Ezekiel fights the pain for a few moments…but it is too much to bear… and he taps!!
Here is your winner… The Ultimate Haasrior!!
This is Joey Styles and I'm about to interview the man who could be the next United States Champion, CM Punk.
It's not a question of could, it's a question of will. I've had to have a lot of will power lately and in 3 days, I get my redemption.
Well last week, you picked up the victory in the main event but your partner Colt Cabana commited some questionable actions leading up to the match. What are your thoughts on his recent change of attitude?
Honestly, I feel like it should be none of my business. While I may not approve of what Colt did to Jimmy, it didn't affect me in anyway and like you said, The Saints were victorious once again. I'm sure me and Colt will cross paths again in the future, maybe in the Royal Rumble itself but unless Colt and his new buddy Ezekiel Jackson target me, I won't worry too much about it.
Changing gears, not only are you in the Royal Rumble match, you'll also be facing two time Rumble winner Shawn Michaels for the United States Championship. Tonight, he faces another former Rumble winner in John Cena. Any comments?
So tonight the Smackdown audience gets to see a WrestleMania main event live. The only thing is, that match was nearly four years ago and a lot can change during that time. The two men were tag team champions with Cena also having the world title. Fast forward to present day, Shawn is US Champion and both men are struggling to get back to the top of the mountain. It's real simple, this isn't the mid nineties and this isn't 2008. The boyhood dream isn't going to come true, the only way number one will win is if it's the number I draw and when I do win, it will be no surprise to anyone. Shawn Michaels, I respect you for all you've done in this industry. You're the Heartbreak Kid, The Showstopper, The Main Event.
Punk pauses for a second, thrusting his hand in the air and mimics pulling down a microphone.
MISTER WRESTLEMANIA! Sorry, always wanted to do that. Shawn, your title run is on its last legs, last arms, last back, last everything. You may have won the first Iron Man match, the first Hell in a Cell, the first Elimination Chamber but you're also the first man who is going to lose a title to me in 2010. Come WrestleMania 26, I fully intend on there being another one. I will throw out anyone who gets in my way. This is my destiny. It doesn't matter if it's Shawn, Cena, even Colt. There is only one man worthy of winning the Royal Rumble and he is your next United States Champion. It's just a matter of time.
Already in the ring… Colt Cabana!!
And his opponent…
Cabana controls Jimmy throughout the match. During the middle of the match, Ezekiel trips Jimmy Wang Yang up, and Cabana capitalized on it.
Colt sets up the 720 DDT from the top rope… but punches out of it! He climbs the turnbuckle with Colt and signals for a hurricanrana!
Ezekiel steps up on the ring apron and distracts the ref. Colt thumbs Yang in the eye… Colt 45 from the top rope! He makes the cover as Ezekiel gets back down on the floor.
1..
2..
3!!
Here is your winner… Colt Cabana!!
*Stephanie McMahon and several lawyers are shown sitting around a conference table. The lawyer that is representing the Bella twins is present and leading the discussion. The Bellas themselves are not at the meeting.*
I called this meeting to go over some of the issues that have been brought up against Mrs. McMahon-Helmsley, her father Mr. Vince McMahon, the Smackdown show and the entire WWE. Now, this is not a trial, you are not under oath in any manner. But if you wish to settle this without getting the courts involved, I advise that everyone present be as truthful as humanly possible.
I still say this is preposterous. We've done nothing wrong, and we have nothing to hide.
Very well. Mrs. McMahon... It is well known that you have not been Smackdown General Manager very long. It has been what... two months?
Three.
Ah yes, three. *jots something down on his notes* And while it may not be fair, you assume all the responsibility for all the General Managers that precede you.
It is my responsibility to run Smackdown. If it happens that a previous GM does something that I need to fix, I'll do so.
And what do you think of the status of Smackdown right now? Are you happy with where it is right now?
Yes, I believe so. *The lawyer jots more notes*
So, any of the issues that the previous General Managers had, you have corrected.
Are you going somewhere with this? I'm rather busy.
Please just answer the question, I'll get to my point real soon.
Fine... Yes, I feel all the problems have been corrected.
So there are no changes right now that you would make?
I don't see how this has anything to do with the Bellas....
*The lawyer just waits*
No! Alright? I wouldn’t change a thing right now. Smackdown is doing great.
Then what have you to say about the apparent sexual discrimination here in WCWWE.
Sexual discrimination!? What the hell are you talking about? I thought this was about the Bellas wanting a tag title opportunity!
Well, in a way it is... but as I told you before... It’s going to get alot worse than that. Now, if you want a specific example, take the Tag Team tournament... How many women were directly involved in that tournament?
But that's not...
How many?
None.
And for that matter, how many women were a part of the Undisputed Title Tournament?
...none. But those are men's titles!
Are they ? Are they the Undisputed Tag Team championships? Or the Undisputed MEN'S Tag Team Championships. Not a very clear line there.
But, the women have a title... the Women's Championship!
And it has "Women" in the title... it is a very known fact that it is for women and only women... yet, let’s look at the title history... ah yes... from January 15, 2009 thru June 26, 2009... a period of 162 days, who was champion?
*annoyed* ...Kenny Dykstra.
That's right... a MAN. So clearly you don't have any gender barriers when it involved the WOMEN'S title that actually has the word WOMEN in the name... why are you so opposed to women competing in the "mens" division?
Look, we have divisions for a reason. It prevents people from getting seriously injured. Kenny was a fluke, and will never happen again. Women will compete for women's title while the men will fight for the men's titles.
While we still haven't discerned that these "mens" title are actually only for men... I'll humor the idea for another issue that has been brought up.
How many belts are there in the WCWWE?
*Thinks for a moment.* There are six Titles in the WCWWE.
Ah, but isn't the tag team championship for two people?
Yes, so seven.
And you haven't actually combined the tag team belts into one Undisputed Tag Team Championship.... so there are 4 more title belts. So that makes 11. Do you know how many male and female wrestlers you have in WCWWE?
*confused* I don't have the numbers in front of me...
50 Males and 21 Females. So the women's wrestlers make up nearly a third of your roster.
What's your point?
Out of those 11 Championship belts, how many of them are, by your words, eligible for women?
Well, one... the Women's Championship.
So... while the women take up one third of your company... you only provide them with one of these 11 belts... that's less than 10%.
*Stephanie looks annoyed*
And it is a belt that is shared across all three brands. So the opportunity for someone on a particular show to challenge for that belt is (on average) once every four months. Isn't that right?
...That is correct.
So what we have here, no matter how you look at it, is a blatant attempt to discriminate against not only my clients, but all the women here in WCWWE. So during your three months here as WCWWE Smackdown GM, you didn't ONCE notice this injustice?
*Stephanie storms out of the meeting room*
Mrs. McMahon! I wasn't done here! I was just getting started!.... Well, I think that went well. *phone rings* Hello? Hi, Ms. Bella...Yes, I think we just finished up here.... Oh I think it went well, we have her right where we want her. See you here next week.
First to the ring…
John Cena!!
*John Cena takes a mic*
The hour is approaching, the time is at hand and the question on everyone's mind is this - who is going to win the Royal Rumble and main event Wrestlemania? Well I know who a lot of people are betting on my opponent tonight, a man who has won the Royal Rumble not once but twice. And then gone on the win the WCWWE title at Wrestlemania.
I mean come on. We've all seen the clip, it plays as part of every Wrestlemania package. Shawn Michaels swooping in on a zip line. Shawn Michaels finding the strength at the end of sixty plus minutes to superkick Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Shawn celebrating in the ring to Vince McMahon's famous call "The boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels."
The thing people overlook was that this was the second time Shawn Michaels had headlined Wrestlemania as Royal Rumble winner. The previous year he faced his buddy, Big Daddy Cool Diesel. But he lost. And the thing is, when people discuss the legacy of Shawn Michaels, that is never brought up. Because we remember the Wrestlemania moments, when the Royal Rumble winner goes all the way and achieves his boyhood dream, creates his Wrestlemania moment.
You see two years ago I won the Royal Rumble and lost the main event of Wrestlemania. But not again. This year is my year. I will win the Royal Rumble, I will face the champion at Wrestlemania and I will once again become WCWWE champion. And no-one will remember Wrestlemania 24.
And then I will be the showstopper, I will be the main event. McIntyre, Koslov, whoever it may be. Just know that I will be waiting for you. And when all is said and done, when Wrestlemania 26 is in the books, I will be able to say...
The Champ Is HERE!
And his opponent…
United States Champion… Shawn Michaels!!
Cena hits the 5 moves of doom… finishing it off with the STF! Michaels quickly taps out to prevent any further damage..
Here is your winner… John Cena!
*The camera fades backstage where Triple H stands with a smile on his face.*
We are now just a few days shy of the Royal Rumble and I couldn't be more excited. Who better to defeat 29 other guys and go on to Wrestlemania than me? I have been to the top before and I will get there again.
Tonight I get to teach everyone's favorite teacher, Matt Striker a couple lessons of my own. Striker I take nothing away from you, but you are stepping into the ring with one of the very best in this business and I have no problem proving to everyone else before Friday that I am the man to watch in the rumble.
I will be looking out for my good friend Shawn Michaels on Friday. Shawn, you and I are not done by a long shot. I might have gotten a little side tracked but I want you to know that I have not forgotten and I am planning on seeing you in the ring very soon. Tick tock..The time is ticking until the game once again main events Wrestlemania, the way things should be. So be ready because on Friday I want everyone to hear the fans chanting my name as the winner of the Rumble.
*Triple H walks towards the ring as the camera fades.*
First to the ring…
Matt Striker!
And his opponent…
Triple H!
Triple H hits a pedigree
1..
2..
3!!
Here is your winner... Triple H!!
John Morrison is at the counter in the cafeteria.
Cook: What can I do for you?
Well first of all, you can turn around so I don't have to look at your ugly face. Next, I'd like to order a grilled turkey sandwich.
Cook: What would like on it?
Cheese. Tomato. Mayo. Got it?
Cook: Regular mayo or low fat?
Do I look like I would put anything but lowfat mayo in this body? Use your head.
Cook: Yes sir.
The cook begins preparing Morrison's food, when The Miz walks in.
Yo Johnny, what's happening?
Hey Miz. I'm just waiting for the world's slowest shortorder cook to make me a turkey sandwich. What've you been up to?
Well you know, I just got done with my PR work for the day. Hang on a sec.
Hey moron!
The cook turns around.
Good to see you know your name buddy. Can you get me a ham sandwich?
Cook: A ham sammich?
Well... that's ALMOST what I said. Less of the "sammich", more of the "sandwich" puh-LEASE!
Cook: Certainly sir.
Get on with it then!
The cook goes about making the ham sandwich.
So anyways John. I was doing PR. I had an autograph signing today... at TARGET! What the hell is that all about?
Target? What, did Wal-Mart already have someone else booked? Who's in charge of setting up these sessions anyway? Next thing y'know, they'll us doing signings the local animal shelters!
Hey buddy! How long does it take to make a turkey sandwich?!
I know right? Where's my ham "sammich"?
Cook: Here are your sandwiches gentlemen.
Bout damn time! So tonight we got a 6 person tag team match huh?
That's what I hear. Super Powers and Katie Lea. Not sure what the big deal is, though.
Superpowers I think are the guys we face at the PPV in 3 days for the Unified Tag Team title belts. Yano, the guys we've been working on a Dirt Sheet for?
Oh yeah, them. Still, I just don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not like we won't beat them at the Royal Rumble anyway. And Layla can handle Katie Lea with no trouble at all.
An guy who's stuck in the 50s, a chubby kid and a lesbo don't strike much fear into the greatest tag team of the 21st century!
Miz goes to take a bite of his ham sandwich when Layla comes on scene with a bunch of shopping bags.
Hey, where have you been?
Oh I've just been doing a little bit of shopping.
So I see. Anything interesting?
Well I bought this BEAUTIFUL necklace... a lovely dress... some new shoes... some more shoes... and more shoes.
The Miz peers into the bag.
You sure did buy a lot of stuff. How much did this lot set you back?
Oh don't worry about me. I used your credit card baby.
The Miz begins choking on his sandwich. Morrison jumps up and begins pounding Miz on the back.
Miz! Buddy! Don't worry! You're gonna be fine!
Morrison continues hitting Miz until he spits out the piece of sandwich.
Miz! You alright, man?!
Physically I'm fine... however I think my brain just exploded. I said the credit card was for emergencies only!
It was an emergency. The fashion police were after me so I had to upgrade.
That's no emergency! How much did you spend...?
Oh it was only about $1,000. Nothing too bad.
...............................................................
The Miz looks dumbfounded and shakes his head.
Shouldn't you have been preparing for the match tonight against that dyke from ECW?
Katie Lesbo? Please. I don't need to prepare to beat her. All I've got to do is flutter my eyelids at her and she'll be putty in my hands. Just like you sweetie!! Anyway, I'll see you guys later. Ciao!
Yeah... yeah... ciao.
Miz turns to Morrison.
$1,000?!?!?!
Coulda been worse man. I hear that other ECW chick, the one who hangs out with the midget, she buys clothes that cost $1,000 PER ITEM. So this isn't that bad, really.
Low Ki hangs out with a woman? I thought he hung around with the sex pest and the other fella?
She's the reason Hoyt hangs out with him.
Riiiight. So anyways... shall we close this up? I think the cretins out in the viewing world have seen enough of what it's like being us for now.
I agree. In life, there are winners...
Miz and Morrison point at themselves.
And there are losers.
Miz and Morrison point at the cook.
We are the greatest team on Smackdown today, and the next Unified Tag Team Champions.
BECAUSE I AM THE MIZ!
And I'm John Morrison. And we are both...
AWESOME!
Be.
Jealous!
First making their way to the ring…
John Morrison, The Miz, and Layla!
And their opponents…
WCWWE Women’s Champion… Katie Lea!
And her tag team partners…
Hart powerslams Miz, then gets up to celebrate. Katie lea tags herself in and hits the Kat Nap on Miz… she goes for the cover!
1..
2..
Morrison breaks it up! Duggan comes in and starts trading punches with Morrison, while Layla tags Miz and comes in and starts attacking Katie Lea, but Katie nails a DDT!
Miz slips out of the ring and Hart comes around to meet him. He picks Miz up on his shoulder… He’s going to powerslam him into the ring post! But Miz slides off! Hart runs head first into the ring post!!
On the other side of the ring, Morrison has just irish whipped Duggan into the steel steps.
Katie looks down at both Duggan and Hart, then notices Miz and Morrison sliding into the ring and walk over to her slowly. Her bravery soon fails her as she backs away slowly.
Just then Layla grabs Katie by the back of the head… Neckbreaker! Layla isn’t done yet! She’s trying to lock in a submission move… the Triangle Choke!
Katie fights for a few moments with both miz and Morrison mocking her. She has no choice but to tap out!
Here are your winners… Miz, Morrison and Layla!
Layla just made the women’s champion tap out! That should definitely get her some notice in the Women’s division… this is Michael Cole… see you next week!
(The Ultimate Haasrior)Charlie Haas def. Ezekiel Jackson w/ Colt Cabana
Colt Cabana w/Ezekiel Jackson def. Jimmy Wang Yang
Cena def. Shawn Michaels (non-Title)
Triple H def. Matt Striker
Miz/Morrison/Layla def Super Powers/Katie Lea
Welcome to Tuesday night Smackdown!
First to the ring…
Eve Torres!
And her opponent…
Maria!!
Maria vs. Eve
First to 3
10 minutes
First to 3
10 minutes
Eve goes for the handspring moonsault... but Maria moves out of the way! Eve staggers to her feet... Beautiful Bulldog!!
1..
2..
3!!
Here is your winner... Maria!!
*Colt Cabana is seen backstage.*
Jimmy.... I wish it didn't have to happen. I wish you weren't the sacrificial lamb. But last week, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I told you all on Fight Club, I was SCREWED out of my title opportunity. And why? Not because of lack of talent, nor because Drew McIntyre was the better man. No, it's because my focus wavered, it's because I was more concerned with putting on a good show than I was about winning.
Rest assured, that's not what's going to happen tonight Jimmy. No, tonight "Sundance" steps out of "Butch Cassidy"s shadow. And who knows, maybe tonight you'll finally wake up from your little dreamland and realize that you're not Butch Cassidy, you're not an Asian redneck. You're Jimmy Yang, nothing more, nothing less.
Tonight I'm going to open your eyes Jim. I just wish it would happen under better circumstances.
See you in the ring.
Backstage, A man is standing back to the camera with a crazy hairdo and colorful handbands.
Ezekiel Jackson, can you not communicate with mee, Ezekiel Jackson? Talk to me, Ezekiel Jackson, as if you would be talking to the GOD! You speak of Ezekiel Jackson, grgrr... there is nothing covering what I live for, Ezekiel Jackson. I need NOT the NORMALS to protect me from what I find most comforting. THE CHALLENGE OF PAIN! And the smell of combat, Ezekiel Jackson! I have, Ezekiel Jackson, injected you with minimal DOSE OF POISON From the Power of THE ULTIMATE HAASRIYA! But the people of ZEKEAMANIA CONTINUE to refuse to take the poison into! THEY TURN IT AWAY EZEKIEL JACKSON! They turn the poison away to deal the dirts! THEY FEAR THE EVIL! EZEKIEL JACKSON, I am the reprensation of all you FEAR! I, Ezekiel Jackson, want you to be the Warriah, You say you are. For I Can as the Ultimate Haasrior except no less. GIVE NO LESS TO THE HAASRIORS! Walk with me, Ezekiel Jackson, to the edge. Look, Ezekiel Jackson, into the nothingness! Look beyond your FEARS, as you take that step, Ezekiel Jackson, and make the sacrifice so that power of ULTIMATE Haasrior can live. GRNORRR!
First to the ring… accompanied by Colt Cabana…
Ezekiel!
And his opponent…
The Ultimate Haasrior!!
Ezekiel Jackson w/ Colt Cabana vs. (The Ultimate Haasrior) Charlie Haas w/ Kung Fu Naki
First to 3
10 minutes
First to 3
10 minutes
Haas tries to lift Ezekiel up for Warrior’s finisher… but can’t get him up!… Ezekiel plants a devastating clothesline on Haas. Ezekiel picks Haas up and signals for the dominator… he lifts him up… But Haas reverses it and lands on his feet… he locked in the HaAs oF PaiN!!!
Ezekiel fights the pain for a few moments…but it is too much to bear… and he taps!!
Here is your winner… The Ultimate Haasrior!!
This is Joey Styles and I'm about to interview the man who could be the next United States Champion, CM Punk.
It's not a question of could, it's a question of will. I've had to have a lot of will power lately and in 3 days, I get my redemption.
Well last week, you picked up the victory in the main event but your partner Colt Cabana commited some questionable actions leading up to the match. What are your thoughts on his recent change of attitude?
Honestly, I feel like it should be none of my business. While I may not approve of what Colt did to Jimmy, it didn't affect me in anyway and like you said, The Saints were victorious once again. I'm sure me and Colt will cross paths again in the future, maybe in the Royal Rumble itself but unless Colt and his new buddy Ezekiel Jackson target me, I won't worry too much about it.
Changing gears, not only are you in the Royal Rumble match, you'll also be facing two time Rumble winner Shawn Michaels for the United States Championship. Tonight, he faces another former Rumble winner in John Cena. Any comments?
So tonight the Smackdown audience gets to see a WrestleMania main event live. The only thing is, that match was nearly four years ago and a lot can change during that time. The two men were tag team champions with Cena also having the world title. Fast forward to present day, Shawn is US Champion and both men are struggling to get back to the top of the mountain. It's real simple, this isn't the mid nineties and this isn't 2008. The boyhood dream isn't going to come true, the only way number one will win is if it's the number I draw and when I do win, it will be no surprise to anyone. Shawn Michaels, I respect you for all you've done in this industry. You're the Heartbreak Kid, The Showstopper, The Main Event.
Punk pauses for a second, thrusting his hand in the air and mimics pulling down a microphone.
MISTER WRESTLEMANIA! Sorry, always wanted to do that. Shawn, your title run is on its last legs, last arms, last back, last everything. You may have won the first Iron Man match, the first Hell in a Cell, the first Elimination Chamber but you're also the first man who is going to lose a title to me in 2010. Come WrestleMania 26, I fully intend on there being another one. I will throw out anyone who gets in my way. This is my destiny. It doesn't matter if it's Shawn, Cena, even Colt. There is only one man worthy of winning the Royal Rumble and he is your next United States Champion. It's just a matter of time.
Already in the ring… Colt Cabana!!
And his opponent…
Colt Cabana w/Ezekiel Jackson vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
First to 3
10 minutes
First to 3
10 minutes
Cabana controls Jimmy throughout the match. During the middle of the match, Ezekiel trips Jimmy Wang Yang up, and Cabana capitalized on it.
Colt sets up the 720 DDT from the top rope… but punches out of it! He climbs the turnbuckle with Colt and signals for a hurricanrana!
Ezekiel steps up on the ring apron and distracts the ref. Colt thumbs Yang in the eye… Colt 45 from the top rope! He makes the cover as Ezekiel gets back down on the floor.
1..
2..
3!!
Here is your winner… Colt Cabana!!
*Stephanie McMahon and several lawyers are shown sitting around a conference table. The lawyer that is representing the Bella twins is present and leading the discussion. The Bellas themselves are not at the meeting.*
I called this meeting to go over some of the issues that have been brought up against Mrs. McMahon-Helmsley, her father Mr. Vince McMahon, the Smackdown show and the entire WWE. Now, this is not a trial, you are not under oath in any manner. But if you wish to settle this without getting the courts involved, I advise that everyone present be as truthful as humanly possible.
I still say this is preposterous. We've done nothing wrong, and we have nothing to hide.
Very well. Mrs. McMahon... It is well known that you have not been Smackdown General Manager very long. It has been what... two months?
Three.
Ah yes, three. *jots something down on his notes* And while it may not be fair, you assume all the responsibility for all the General Managers that precede you.
It is my responsibility to run Smackdown. If it happens that a previous GM does something that I need to fix, I'll do so.
And what do you think of the status of Smackdown right now? Are you happy with where it is right now?
Yes, I believe so. *The lawyer jots more notes*
So, any of the issues that the previous General Managers had, you have corrected.
Are you going somewhere with this? I'm rather busy.
Please just answer the question, I'll get to my point real soon.
Fine... Yes, I feel all the problems have been corrected.
So there are no changes right now that you would make?
I don't see how this has anything to do with the Bellas....
*The lawyer just waits*
No! Alright? I wouldn’t change a thing right now. Smackdown is doing great.
Then what have you to say about the apparent sexual discrimination here in WCWWE.
Sexual discrimination!? What the hell are you talking about? I thought this was about the Bellas wanting a tag title opportunity!
Well, in a way it is... but as I told you before... It’s going to get alot worse than that. Now, if you want a specific example, take the Tag Team tournament... How many women were directly involved in that tournament?
But that's not...
How many?
None.
And for that matter, how many women were a part of the Undisputed Title Tournament?
...none. But those are men's titles!
Are they ? Are they the Undisputed Tag Team championships? Or the Undisputed MEN'S Tag Team Championships. Not a very clear line there.
But, the women have a title... the Women's Championship!
And it has "Women" in the title... it is a very known fact that it is for women and only women... yet, let’s look at the title history... ah yes... from January 15, 2009 thru June 26, 2009... a period of 162 days, who was champion?
*annoyed* ...Kenny Dykstra.
That's right... a MAN. So clearly you don't have any gender barriers when it involved the WOMEN'S title that actually has the word WOMEN in the name... why are you so opposed to women competing in the "mens" division?
Look, we have divisions for a reason. It prevents people from getting seriously injured. Kenny was a fluke, and will never happen again. Women will compete for women's title while the men will fight for the men's titles.
While we still haven't discerned that these "mens" title are actually only for men... I'll humor the idea for another issue that has been brought up.
How many belts are there in the WCWWE?
*Thinks for a moment.* There are six Titles in the WCWWE.
Ah, but isn't the tag team championship for two people?
Yes, so seven.
And you haven't actually combined the tag team belts into one Undisputed Tag Team Championship.... so there are 4 more title belts. So that makes 11. Do you know how many male and female wrestlers you have in WCWWE?
*confused* I don't have the numbers in front of me...
50 Males and 21 Females. So the women's wrestlers make up nearly a third of your roster.
What's your point?
Out of those 11 Championship belts, how many of them are, by your words, eligible for women?
Well, one... the Women's Championship.
So... while the women take up one third of your company... you only provide them with one of these 11 belts... that's less than 10%.
*Stephanie looks annoyed*
And it is a belt that is shared across all three brands. So the opportunity for someone on a particular show to challenge for that belt is (on average) once every four months. Isn't that right?
...That is correct.
So what we have here, no matter how you look at it, is a blatant attempt to discriminate against not only my clients, but all the women here in WCWWE. So during your three months here as WCWWE Smackdown GM, you didn't ONCE notice this injustice?
*Stephanie storms out of the meeting room*
Mrs. McMahon! I wasn't done here! I was just getting started!.... Well, I think that went well. *phone rings* Hello? Hi, Ms. Bella...Yes, I think we just finished up here.... Oh I think it went well, we have her right where we want her. See you here next week.
First to the ring…
John Cena!!
*John Cena takes a mic*
The hour is approaching, the time is at hand and the question on everyone's mind is this - who is going to win the Royal Rumble and main event Wrestlemania? Well I know who a lot of people are betting on my opponent tonight, a man who has won the Royal Rumble not once but twice. And then gone on the win the WCWWE title at Wrestlemania.
I mean come on. We've all seen the clip, it plays as part of every Wrestlemania package. Shawn Michaels swooping in on a zip line. Shawn Michaels finding the strength at the end of sixty plus minutes to superkick Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Shawn celebrating in the ring to Vince McMahon's famous call "The boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels."
The thing people overlook was that this was the second time Shawn Michaels had headlined Wrestlemania as Royal Rumble winner. The previous year he faced his buddy, Big Daddy Cool Diesel. But he lost. And the thing is, when people discuss the legacy of Shawn Michaels, that is never brought up. Because we remember the Wrestlemania moments, when the Royal Rumble winner goes all the way and achieves his boyhood dream, creates his Wrestlemania moment.
You see two years ago I won the Royal Rumble and lost the main event of Wrestlemania. But not again. This year is my year. I will win the Royal Rumble, I will face the champion at Wrestlemania and I will once again become WCWWE champion. And no-one will remember Wrestlemania 24.
And then I will be the showstopper, I will be the main event. McIntyre, Koslov, whoever it may be. Just know that I will be waiting for you. And when all is said and done, when Wrestlemania 26 is in the books, I will be able to say...
The Champ Is HERE!
And his opponent…
United States Champion… Shawn Michaels!!
Cena vs Shawn Michaels (non-Title)
First to 3
10 minutes
First to 3
10 minutes
Cena hits the 5 moves of doom… finishing it off with the STF! Michaels quickly taps out to prevent any further damage..
Here is your winner… John Cena!
*The camera fades backstage where Triple H stands with a smile on his face.*
We are now just a few days shy of the Royal Rumble and I couldn't be more excited. Who better to defeat 29 other guys and go on to Wrestlemania than me? I have been to the top before and I will get there again.
Tonight I get to teach everyone's favorite teacher, Matt Striker a couple lessons of my own. Striker I take nothing away from you, but you are stepping into the ring with one of the very best in this business and I have no problem proving to everyone else before Friday that I am the man to watch in the rumble.
I will be looking out for my good friend Shawn Michaels on Friday. Shawn, you and I are not done by a long shot. I might have gotten a little side tracked but I want you to know that I have not forgotten and I am planning on seeing you in the ring very soon. Tick tock..The time is ticking until the game once again main events Wrestlemania, the way things should be. So be ready because on Friday I want everyone to hear the fans chanting my name as the winner of the Rumble.
*Triple H walks towards the ring as the camera fades.*
First to the ring…
Matt Striker!
And his opponent…
Triple H!
Matt Striker vs Triple H
First to 3
10 minutes
First to 3
10 minutes
Triple H hits a pedigree
1..
2..
3!!
Here is your winner... Triple H!!
John Morrison is at the counter in the cafeteria.
Cook: What can I do for you?
Well first of all, you can turn around so I don't have to look at your ugly face. Next, I'd like to order a grilled turkey sandwich.
Cook: What would like on it?
Cheese. Tomato. Mayo. Got it?
Cook: Regular mayo or low fat?
Do I look like I would put anything but lowfat mayo in this body? Use your head.
Cook: Yes sir.
The cook begins preparing Morrison's food, when The Miz walks in.
Yo Johnny, what's happening?
Hey Miz. I'm just waiting for the world's slowest shortorder cook to make me a turkey sandwich. What've you been up to?
Well you know, I just got done with my PR work for the day. Hang on a sec.
Hey moron!
The cook turns around.
Good to see you know your name buddy. Can you get me a ham sandwich?
Cook: A ham sammich?
Well... that's ALMOST what I said. Less of the "sammich", more of the "sandwich" puh-LEASE!
Cook: Certainly sir.
Get on with it then!
The cook goes about making the ham sandwich.
So anyways John. I was doing PR. I had an autograph signing today... at TARGET! What the hell is that all about?
Target? What, did Wal-Mart already have someone else booked? Who's in charge of setting up these sessions anyway? Next thing y'know, they'll us doing signings the local animal shelters!
Hey buddy! How long does it take to make a turkey sandwich?!
I know right? Where's my ham "sammich"?
Cook: Here are your sandwiches gentlemen.
Bout damn time! So tonight we got a 6 person tag team match huh?
That's what I hear. Super Powers and Katie Lea. Not sure what the big deal is, though.
Superpowers I think are the guys we face at the PPV in 3 days for the Unified Tag Team title belts. Yano, the guys we've been working on a Dirt Sheet for?
Oh yeah, them. Still, I just don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not like we won't beat them at the Royal Rumble anyway. And Layla can handle Katie Lea with no trouble at all.
An guy who's stuck in the 50s, a chubby kid and a lesbo don't strike much fear into the greatest tag team of the 21st century!
Miz goes to take a bite of his ham sandwich when Layla comes on scene with a bunch of shopping bags.
Hey, where have you been?
Oh I've just been doing a little bit of shopping.
So I see. Anything interesting?
Well I bought this BEAUTIFUL necklace... a lovely dress... some new shoes... some more shoes... and more shoes.
The Miz peers into the bag.
You sure did buy a lot of stuff. How much did this lot set you back?
Oh don't worry about me. I used your credit card baby.
The Miz begins choking on his sandwich. Morrison jumps up and begins pounding Miz on the back.
Miz! Buddy! Don't worry! You're gonna be fine!
Morrison continues hitting Miz until he spits out the piece of sandwich.
Miz! You alright, man?!
Physically I'm fine... however I think my brain just exploded. I said the credit card was for emergencies only!
It was an emergency. The fashion police were after me so I had to upgrade.
That's no emergency! How much did you spend...?
Oh it was only about $1,000. Nothing too bad.
...............................................................
The Miz looks dumbfounded and shakes his head.
Shouldn't you have been preparing for the match tonight against that dyke from ECW?
Katie Lesbo? Please. I don't need to prepare to beat her. All I've got to do is flutter my eyelids at her and she'll be putty in my hands. Just like you sweetie!! Anyway, I'll see you guys later. Ciao!
Yeah... yeah... ciao.
Miz turns to Morrison.
$1,000?!?!?!
Coulda been worse man. I hear that other ECW chick, the one who hangs out with the midget, she buys clothes that cost $1,000 PER ITEM. So this isn't that bad, really.
Low Ki hangs out with a woman? I thought he hung around with the sex pest and the other fella?
She's the reason Hoyt hangs out with him.
Riiiight. So anyways... shall we close this up? I think the cretins out in the viewing world have seen enough of what it's like being us for now.
I agree. In life, there are winners...
Miz and Morrison point at themselves.
And there are losers.
Miz and Morrison point at the cook.
We are the greatest team on Smackdown today, and the next Unified Tag Team Champions.
BECAUSE I AM THE MIZ!
And I'm John Morrison. And we are both...
AWESOME!
Be.
Jealous!
First making their way to the ring…
John Morrison, The Miz, and Layla!
And their opponents…
WCWWE Women’s Champion… Katie Lea!
And her tag team partners…
Miz/Morrison/Layla vs Super Powers/Katie Lea
First to 4
15 minutes
First to 4
15 minutes
Hart powerslams Miz, then gets up to celebrate. Katie lea tags herself in and hits the Kat Nap on Miz… she goes for the cover!
1..
2..
Morrison breaks it up! Duggan comes in and starts trading punches with Morrison, while Layla tags Miz and comes in and starts attacking Katie Lea, but Katie nails a DDT!
Miz slips out of the ring and Hart comes around to meet him. He picks Miz up on his shoulder… He’s going to powerslam him into the ring post! But Miz slides off! Hart runs head first into the ring post!!
On the other side of the ring, Morrison has just irish whipped Duggan into the steel steps.
Katie looks down at both Duggan and Hart, then notices Miz and Morrison sliding into the ring and walk over to her slowly. Her bravery soon fails her as she backs away slowly.
Just then Layla grabs Katie by the back of the head… Neckbreaker! Layla isn’t done yet! She’s trying to lock in a submission move… the Triangle Choke!
Katie fights for a few moments with both miz and Morrison mocking her. She has no choice but to tap out!
Here are your winners… Miz, Morrison and Layla!
Layla just made the women’s champion tap out! That should definitely get her some notice in the Women’s division… this is Michael Cole… see you next week!